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Original poster

Something happened today and it's keeping me awake, was it my fault?

27 replies

Bryonie2017 · 27/12/2017 04:06

H and I went out with his family today with 6 month old DD, taking the buggy. I noticed that he removed the buggy seat and put it in the front of the car, putting the frame in the boot. I commented that we don't need to do that any more as we've put the toddler seat on which folds with the buggy (carrycot was on before)

On the way home I asked him to please try and put it all together in the car. I was perfectly polite, not naggy/insistent. He folded the seat and then pushed on it with so much force the plastic snapped (I heard it go while putting DD in her car seat)

I will admit I was really upset/worried. That thing is my pride and joy I spent ages choosing it and use it most days. I took a closer look when we got home and it's defiantly broken, it's snapped on both sides and unusable.

At this point i was really upset, said something along the lines of its broken and he's going to have to replace it. We then had a short argument where we were both shouting, he says it's ALL my fault because I made him do it my way even though he didn't want to and he's not replacing anything. I shut up pretty quickly because I hate shouting in front of DD.

I put DD down for a nap, had a cry and sleep next to her and then finished the day. After she was in bed and we had both calmed down I discussed it again but he was adamant - accepts no responsibility for it at all and will not replace it, hasn't looked at it since. I believe I called him a knob.

Although our finances are joint I have a little bit saved up (am on mat leave) and replacing this thing will take a chunk of that, not replacing it isn't exactly an option though as DD and i go for a walk most days.

So, is it really all my fault? I wasn't anywhere near the thing! I'm so upset/angry I suppose it's possible I'm not thinking clearly.

OP posts:
BarrysnotLyons · 27/12/2017 04:09

Can you claim it on your warranty?

steff13 · 27/12/2017 04:10

Assuming it's less than a year old, is it under warranty?

Original poster
Bryonie2017 · 27/12/2017 04:10

Hi Barry I got it second hand so no!

OP posts:
MintyChops · 27/12/2017 04:13

Replace it from the joint finances, or mend it also from joint a/c; it doesn’t matter who broke it, it’s something your joint DD needs!

Hmmalittlefishy · 27/12/2017 04:14

Is it an actual buggy or a pram/travel system?
If a pram can you replace it with a lighter weight umbrella gold buggy now dd is older?
You will probably find it easier
I think sounds like an accident born out of frustration try not to dwell on it

Hmmalittlefishy · 27/12/2017 04:15

Umbrella fold not gold- now that would be expensive!

BattleCunt · 27/12/2017 04:16

He needs to apologise and it needs to be replaced from joint finances.

Hidingtonothing · 27/12/2017 04:18

Do you have accidental damage cover on your home contents insurance? It might be covered if so, worth asking at least.

As for whether it was your fault, no I don't think it was. Yes you asked him to do it 'your way' but if he wasn't sure he could do it without damaging anything he should have just said so.

Original poster
Bryonie2017 · 27/12/2017 04:19

Imalittlefishy DD is pretty small for her age so a smaller/umbrella type would be a bit big I think - will look into it though.

Apology is completely out of the question, H is completely adamant he did nothing wrong. I'll try and get him to agree to use joint funds - doubt it will work though.

OP posts:
ChaircatMiaow · 27/12/2017 04:23

Try and get him to agree to use joint funds??

His daughter’s pram is broken and a new part is needed, irrespective of whose fault it was (and it was his). Of course it has to come out of joint funds.

AstridWhite · 27/12/2017 04:26

I see you got it second hand so can't claim on the warranty but I would try contacting the manufacturer anyway. It should be capable of being folded roughly without snapping, it's supposed to bear the weight of a toddler after all.

If it's an expensive highly regarded brand they may have great after sales service, even for something out of warranty, especially if it can be argued that it's a weakness in materials that compromises safety. Even if they won't mend it or replace it for free they should be able to mend it for a small fee. You shouldn't need to replace the entire thing.

And your DH is being a knob but it sounds like he feels constantly nagged at and told he's doing everything all wrong so now he's having a little sulky protest over it.

Josieannathe2nd · 27/12/2017 04:27

Clearly his fault. From what you said it sounds like malicious damage but regardless of that it should be coming out of joint finances. Also, it’s a little red flag- how’s the rest of your relationship?

Josieannathe2nd · 27/12/2017 04:28

Check on eBay for spare parts & there’s some pushchair sites that do spares or just the seat chassis.

Bowerbird5 · 27/12/2017 05:03

Ask him what you are expected to push her around in now!

RadioGaGoo · 27/12/2017 05:14

'...sounds like he feels constantly nagged at and told he's doing everything wrong'

If that is actually true, he really needs to grown up. Most adults can take a bit of direction from their partners without sulking. He's being a dick because he is angry with himself for breaking it and blaming the OP for that. Pretty childish not to take responsibility.

Phillipa12 · 27/12/2017 05:27

It broke because he was being rough with it and even if it had broke randomly the replacement should come out of the joint account, its a piece of equipment that is a necessity for a baby and its his baby to. There are only two accounts that should be being used for a new buggy, his or the joint! Is he always such a knob?

NotAgainYoda · 27/12/2017 05:34

Why would he not apologise? Is he prone to not admitting fault and not apologising?

hiyasminitsme · 27/12/2017 05:42

Just get a maclaren. They are fine from birth, our maclaren techno xt was our only ever buggy and they're only about £200. People ole spend silly money on buggies.

Italiangreyhound · 27/12/2017 05:44

OP I am sorry he sound really unreasonable and unpleasant. So what if you asked him to do something, and he did it, badly! That's on him not you.

The fact he will not apologize and does not want to replace it from joint funds sounds very unpleasant and irresponsible.

He's damaged something and managed to make you think it may somehow be your fault.

Are they 'other issues' in the relationship?

RadioGaGoo · 27/12/2017 05:51

Hiya, people may want different things from buggies, like one where the baby faces you. Glad you found something that suited you and was relatively cheap as a bonus, but no need to judge others for doing the same.

MyNewBearTotoro · 27/12/2017 05:55

I don’t think this was your fault. Maybe it was DP’s or maybe it was just an accident. To be honest I can see why he felt annoyed as you sound controlling with regards to how he puts away the buggy - generally my feeling is if someone is doing a job they can do it their way and it’s not for the other person to get involved, even if they think their way is better. It would annoy me if my partner was criticising the way I was doing something, although that’s no excuse for him breaking the buggy (if it was deliberate). If it was a genuine accident I can see why he feels a little annoyed with you as if you’d just let him do it his way he wouldn’t have done it. Obviously if he broke it out of spite that is very unreasonable.

Anyway, DD needs a buggy and why it broke is sort of irrelevant - it was an accident but now it needs replacing. I think it should come out of joint funds as it’s for DD, not for you or DP. If only one part of it is broken perhaps you could also look at whether you can buy just that part second hand as a replacement rather than forking our for a while new buggy.

Original poster
Bryonie2017 · 27/12/2017 05:56

Please excuse the late replies DD decided she was hungry!

Yoda I can honestly not recall a time when he has apologised or admitted fault! One of the many things about him that didn't seem so bad before we had a DD and had to grow up a bit!

Hiya I agree people spend silly money on buggies - that's why I buy second hand!

Josieann thank you! Found a website that has the replacement part so if my dad can't fix it I'll do that. And yes there are quite a few other issues in our relationship actually, usually around me growing up after we had DD and him not. Were actually separating for a bit when I go back to work in feb because I'm pretty unhappy at the moment (I know drip feeding! ) so this may well be the start of him being a dick about money as well (never an issue before)

OP posts:
Sugarpiehoneyeye · 27/12/2017 06:00

No, it wasn't your fault, and you are right, he is a knob !
Is he always like this, or is he very unhappy about something, and took it out on the seat ?

NotAgainYoda · 27/12/2017 06:01

Oh I am sorry. It's a horrible trait.

Italiangreyhound · 27/12/2017 06:07

Bryonie2017 I am sorry to hear you are separating but not surprised. Not being able to say sorry when you break something, and blaming the other person is really childish and unappealing in an adult.

Plus making you feel it is somehow your fault is classic Gaslighting.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

Newbear The OP said "On the way home I asked him to please try and put it all together in the car. I was perfectly polite, not naggy/insistent."

She has also said she uses the buggy a lot. So it looks like he put it away wrongly because it was not how she wanted it put away, not because she is controlling but because she would be the one using it next.

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