Crap xmas gift: AIBU and ungrateful/greedy or is this the cheekiest of CF's

[keeptheaspidistra]

I asked sister for xmas gift ideas for her side of the family. She sent specific list of things. All of which more than I normally spend but I felt embarrassed to say this as id asked for ideas (that bit is totally my fault) so I bought of the gift list.
Christmas day- I got a present that cost £6.50 and was clearly the free item from Boots 3 for 2.

I don't get why she'd ask for such expensive presents knowing they were spending very little on me - this is the thing that has upset me not the present itself.
I wouldn't normally be a whingey b**tard about getting this as a present, but part of me feels exploited with regards to what I was asked to spend.
I'm assuming the general response will be yes IABU and lesson learned for next year but I'm in an arse about it nonetheless

YANBU. We spent £100+ on BIL and SIL and they got me a gift for £2.50 (they left the price tag on!).

I'd be upset too.

And yes I'd rethink how you do things next year. Would you prefer not to exchange gifts at all? Or send each other amazon wish lists with an upper price limit

I know some people are crap at giving gifts but that excuse does not wash for people who come up with their own expensive lists

YANBU. I really feel like spending another £200 on MIL so she can but me a £3 biz of chocolates.

Buy me a £3 box not biz. Stupid phone

I like giving gifts, and I honestly don't give to her or expect the same value back. If I'd decided to spend so much off my own back and got little back that wouldn't have bothered me. It's just she knew all along that was a massive discrepancy in our budgets.
she also earns a lot more than me (again I don't expect her to spend that on me just feels like a bit more salt in the wound )

We spent £100+ on BIL and SIL ridiculous and totally OTT *

and they got me a gift for £2.50 more realistic than £100+

(they left the price tag on!). rude

I guess it depends on your relationship. My sister and I don’t generally get big gifts for each other (we focus on the kids) but every couple of years one of us will treat the other couple to theatre tickets, which is expensive. But over a period of time, I suppose it would broadly even out.

Does your family not have a “normal” budget which gift requests tend to fall within? Generally speaking in our family I would suggest a couple of things in the £15-£25 range for kids, or c£10 for adults. (More for special birthdays though!) And I would expect similarly priced lists back. A work colleague was talking about spending £60 on a Christmas gift for her nephew, and I was a bit ... I think I would have said “that’s a little more than I was planning to spend, is there anything he would like for around £x or should I buy him a voucher to go towards it...?”

You can’t possibly know it was the free thing on the 3 for 2 offer, don’t be daft.

I do know if was 3 for 2, I'm not daft. She'd left the green parcel sticker on!
The usual budget is irrelevant although it is a lot more than six quid. What I'm pissed with is she purposefully asked for presents 10x more than what she knew she'd spend on me.

I bought all the gifts, did not get anything at all, even from my 'D'P, that was not from my own bank account.

I would rather have had a 50p card than nothing.

Makes me feel like I am worth nothing. Perhaps I am.

YANBU. I guess next year you can regift her Boots item back to her. But remove the sticker so she can’t know for sure it’s the exact same item.

YANBU, It's like a slap in the face. Cheeky spiteful mare! Sisyphus, that's awful. I'd be going hairless! Treat yourself to something really, really nice and let them all know it's because you got absolutely nothing.

Yes, peel off the sticker and re get next year

keeprheastridistra the same thing happened to me!! They sent a list on which everything was about £40 and in return I got cheap toiletries I will never use. This person is incredibly snobby about brands and would be very vocal in their disappointment if I got them the same!

Very tempted to stock up in the boots sale and give like for like next year ... except I won't.

I don't really mind though - mil always more than makes up for any shortfalls with her generous and thoughtful gifts!!!

This has happened every year from my darling DB. It is painful to see how just how little he thinks of us and it's not about the money. Highlights from past years have included 3 random beer cans sellotaped together with duct tape and a magazine. So this year I said I wouldn't exchange gifts but donate to a worthy cause instead. I didn't know what else to do.

Just to clarify the 3 separate and different beers were given one year, the magazine on another.

Either it was the free item or it was £6.50 - does it really matter which; it's equally shit! As it's your sister, I'd be tempted to ask her if she thinks it's fair to ask for the moon on a stick and then moon you in response, unless you're not particularly close.

Rudolph - er - who put you in charge of deciding what everyone should spend on presents for their friends and family??

There was another poster on here last week whose sister did something similar. She sent a list, where every present was over £70. This was more than OP had wanted to spend, but got the gifts anyway. Sister said she'd got OP and her DH a £150 House of Frazier gift card, then after OP had bought the presents, messaged everyone to say money was a bit tight as son asked for a last minute present (and x-box one) so they were no longer going to give gifts.

OP was advised to take the items back and get a refund. She also sent her sister a text saying it was a great idea not to do presents, as she was finding money tight too!

I think in your situation, you should have given a budget, and not be embarrassed to say that's more than you could afford. Next year, tell her you're not doing presents for anyone/adults . If you want to do gifts for the children, stick to a budget. There's nothing embarrassing about saying something is more than you can afford. We spent £15 each on our nieces. That's a much more sensible budget for children who aren't your own.

*AN x-box one. I even proofread that before I hit send!

You people all need to learn to set an agreed budget with family. Spending £100 and getting £2.50 back? WTF??

Or just agree on small token gifts that are under £5 or £10 anyway. You must know these people well enough to know that they either can't afford or simply don't care to spend much money on you, so why do it for them? Unless you are very well off and you don't mind treating them because you know they are struggling financially, but if that were the case you wouldn't be on this thread.

We agreed a few years ago to only buy for the children and that all the adults would spend an agreed amount on themselves, in lieu of presents for and from the rest of us. We each wrap our own gift and open it just as if the others had bought it for us. That way we all get something decent we really want instead of half a dozen random items of tat. It works really well.

I haven't received so much as a card from one of mine. I had a special birthday this year and nothing then either. It is hurtful but read another thread to get it into perspective.

Years ago the same sort of thing happened to me with brother and his now wife. Brother and I had always exchanged gifts. I suppose he thought it was now her job to get the gifts. I can’t remember if she was working at the time btw but she stopped working soon after they met.

I gave a bit more than usual and spent what today would be the equivalent of £100+ on them. To welcome her into the family. Dh and I got SWEET FA from them. The next year, I got them a token gift. Guess what dh and I got? Bugger all. The first year she feigned embarrassment. My brother just took the gifts being a Neanderthal. The second year she didn’t even bother to pretend to be embarrassed at not getting me/us a gift. And by the second year, she definitely was a sahw (not sahm).

It really irked me to give them a wedding gift. But i didn’t want to suffer my mother’s wrath and scorn. Me being scapegoat and him golden child.

But mummy that's mad. They are sending the message loud and clear that they'd rather not do presents, why keep putting yourself through that, knowing the outcome?

They say the definition of madness (or stupidity or something) is doing the same thing, the same way, over and over and each time hoping for a different outcome.

And 'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.'

Oh and I have had one birthday card off brother and sil in all the years they’ve been together - circa 20years. I sent cards to both of them most years - apart from when I was too ill. Last year she even criticised me for not sending an individual dn Xmas card to her pfb for because she sent one to my dd last year (first time ever). The year before the gifts were late because they had a hissy fit and started sending me abusive texts and didn’t come to visit. The year before that, dd received an unwrapped parcel from amazon and no card. When dd was very little, presents included random stuff that wasn’t remotely child friendly, ornamental stuff with “this is not a toy” on it, another time even a bin and another time some really cheap plastic tat that looked like it had come out out a Christmas cracker.

I sent a generic Xmas card as normal this year to their pfb with the gift. I’m not buying into her drama. Dd has received nothing btw. Perhaps it is with my mother but we haven’t seen her due to unforeseen circumstances.

We are nc with them over an unrelated issue far more serious than any of the above. Idk if there will be a gift for dd. I suspect not. Dd is fine with it and I have explained that I will give to her cousin as their behaviour is not his fault.

I get it. It isn't about the fact that it was free or only £3, or whatever. It is about the lack of thought. My favourite gift this year was from my struggling single mom niece, it was handmade and so very very special.