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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my MIL could have cooked something else?

33 replies

sdaisy26 · 26/12/2017 23:21

So we moved to a bigger house this year & decided to host Christmas. Previously we've always (since we got married 10 years ago) alternated 1 year at my parents', next year at in laws'.

This year would have been a PIL year. We invited them plus my parents plus assorted siblings, grandparents etc.

MIL said they would like to host Boxing Day (all the same people, most stayed at ours last night) & tho' I would have liked everyone here throughout accepted she wanted to & said thank you v much etc.

Off we went today, bearing the specific leftovers she'd requested from yesterday's meal. Only for her to serve up a whole new Christmas dinner. Turkey, sprouts, two stuffings...the works. Literally the only thing she used of the leftovers she had asked us to take was the gravy (which she watered down & then blended so it was inedible). And as we sat down she actually said 'well, it was hard to beat sdaisy's effort yesterday'.

So AIBU to think this was a bit off & she could have cooked something else instead of turning it in to a competition?!

OP posts:

hesterton · 26/12/2017 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Supermagicsmile · 26/12/2017 23:24

I think it's nice that she wanted to do a second Christmas dinner.

It's the norm in our family, we have two or three 'Christmas days' at various houses and we all cook a full on Christmas dinner!

Homemenu1 · 26/12/2017 23:25

Honesty don't give any thought, she's just made herself look like a prat

LookingForwardToChristmas · 26/12/2017 23:26

YANBU for feeling she turned it into a competition but having two Christmas dinners in a row wouldn’t have bothered me.

Maybe she felt that it had been arranged for a lot longer than Christmas would be at her house this year that you stepped on her toes by doing a Christmas dinner and should have done something else. I’m not saying I agree with that view, but maybe that is how she sees it.

Mxyzptlk · 26/12/2017 23:26

MiL shows a lack of imagination.

SoftSheen · 26/12/2017 23:27

YANBU! Nothing wrong with MIL offering to cook on Boxing day, but ridiculous to make a second Christmas dinner. I'm sure most people would have preferred something different (like the traditional boxing day ham) anyway.

TheVanguardSix · 26/12/2017 23:27

Yes. YAB a bit U and overthinking things.

Ohyesiam · 26/12/2017 23:28

I Just think that's what lots of people do, go to different family members houses and eat a Christmas dinner at each.

TheNaze73 · 26/12/2017 23:29

YABU

paperandpaint · 26/12/2017 23:29

I couldn’t possibly have eaten another Christmas dinner today! Was still stuffed. Managed more chocolates and mince pies though!

Tinselistacky · 26/12/2017 23:33

Be secretly smug she didn't beat your dinner ...
My exmil used to make gravy with gravy powder, flour and hot water from the tap.

Then poured over veg that had been in a pressure cooker for the same length of time as she cooked the meat.

Next year hit the Boxing Day sales instead!!

LeggyLinda · 26/12/2017 23:36

I suppose it’s a little odd, but nice (assuming no other tensions or issues).
If this was part of a bigger plan then maybe a roast beef or something might’ve been more appropriate, but it seems it was impromptu.

Perhaps she had stuff in for Christmas dinner anyway and didn’t want it to go to waste. You’ve had a break from hosting whilst spending another day with close loved ones. I’d focus on that and enjoy the day / evening until something else convinces you there is something more sinister involved.

Having said that it is a bit strange that she specifically asked for leftovers but didn’t use them. Still, I’d put it down as an oddity and forget about it.

youngnomore · 26/12/2017 23:39

It’s Christmas and people usually make the same food. Also she said yours was nicer. Don’t overthink things.

LockedOutOfMN · 26/12/2017 23:39

We are in the same place as yesterday and had a repeat turkey dinner for lunch today and will be doing the same tomorrow and again on Saturday when DB and DBil come to join the rest of us. We love it and think it's really Christmassy.

We've also been eating turkey sandwiches or turkey salad for our dinner each evening.

SinglePringle · 26/12/2017 23:40

Honestly, I would have loved a day with family. Spent Christmas Eve, yesterday and today with my lovely but elderly parents. Just the three of us. Would have loved a full on big Christmas and wouldn’t have given a stuff about the food served.

Original poster

sdaisy26 · 26/12/2017 23:40

Wasn't impromptu, had been planned for almost as long as us hosting Christmas had been planned (October time maybe).

Can understand the Christmas dinners at different houses thing if there are collections of different people (we will have another one at PIL later in the week with more of dh's family!) but not really when it's exactly the same people as the day before.

Made me feel like she felt I wouldn't do a good enough job so she needed to do it 'properly'. I get it's probably a control thing on her part.

And she obv felt she had 'beat' me...

OP posts:

juliesaway · 26/12/2017 23:43

We used to host Christmas Dinner at home on 25th (beef and ham) and do the whole turkey thing at MILs on Boxing Day. Having a roast turkey 2 days in a row seems a bit silly when you can enjoy other roasts (if you have to do the whole roast thing).

SendintheArdwolves · 26/12/2017 23:45

Maybe for your MIL, cooking the big Christmas dinner for everyone is something she really enjoys and looks forward to. Rather than her wanting to put you guys in competition, maybe she just wanted to do the full nine yards as its part of her christmas?

I mean, it is a bit weird and she clearly felt slightly odd about it (hence the awkward 'hard to top daisy's yesterday' comment, which attempted to make a joke out of it).

I'd happily eat another roast today, btw.

Italiangreyhound · 26/12/2017 23:46

I think it is traditional to eat this stuff a lot at Christmas so I would not take it as odd.

tumblrpigeon · 26/12/2017 23:48

Yabvu

LeggyLinda · 26/12/2017 23:54

Ok. Just reread your op and I think I got the wrong end of the stick - I assumed the agreement for her to host Boxing Day was made during yesterday’s gathering - so apologies for the impromptu assumption.

Though this makes it a little more weird, I still wouldn’t worry too much about it. It is Christmas and some people enjoy making that traditional meal. I wouldn’t, but then I’m more of a salad/buffet and leftovers person for Boxing Day anyway. But if you’re used to hosting Christmas lunch at Christmas, it may me a tricky habit to shake - especially if she’s one of those people who like to do it.

I know it sounds like I’m making excuses for her (obviously I wasn’t there), but she’s already conceded your dinner was a hard act to follow, and, unless you have reason to think she was just fishing for complements by saying that, I would just take it as it was - another great meal in the company of loved ones.

PoorYorick · 26/12/2017 23:54

I read that as her complimenting your meal and being anxious to host as well as you.

Could not have faced another roast today though. I still need a wheelbarrow for my stomach.

LolitaLempicka · 26/12/2017 23:55

Aaaah, she wanted to host Christmas. It was her turn after all. When my sister moved she insisted we all went to her bigger new house. I would have rather stayed at my mum's, where all my own and all my children's childhood memories were. Maybe she/others miss the tradition?

ByeByePrivacy · 26/12/2017 23:57

I would also take it as a control thing that she had to do it better than you or perceived it to be and others would have thought it odd on her part.

Mxyzptlk · 27/12/2017 00:00

"It was her turn after all" How ridiculously rigid is that!
"Tradition" can't cope with someone new wanting to give hospitality?

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