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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my 3 month old to cry?

41 replies

MardyMarie · 26/12/2017 22:01

Rather than carting him around?

Tonight my friend was round at bedtime for my DC. Usually I settle baby to sleep before putting the others to bed but he had been woken by the neighbours dog. Rather than spend another 20-30 mins settling him and the older ones being over tired and upset, I figured I'd put him down and could then have them all in bed in under ten minutes and then be ready to tend to baby for the rest of the night.

Afterwards, my friend asked me if I often leave baby crying to deal with the older ones. I said it would have taken me twice as long doing everything one-handed and that him being in their face crying would stress them out and cause them to be upset. She said that at least baby would feel comforted by being held, even if it meant having to cry for longer Hmm

What do you think?

OP posts:
ILoveMillhousesDad · 26/12/2017 22:03

I would tell friend to fuck off at bedtime and mind her own beeswax. Cheeky bugget.

PenelopeStoppit · 26/12/2017 22:04

I think your friend could have offered to help you by holding your baby while you got all your other kids into bed!

Redken24 · 26/12/2017 22:05

Eek
I wouldn't have done what you did - baby a bit too small. Shame your friend didn't help either.

ruleshelpcontrolthefun · 26/12/2017 22:05

I'd be asking my friend to butt the fuck out of my parenting tbh. You do what you can when you have more than one!

nomorespaghetti · 26/12/2017 22:05

Why couldn't she help? And also, it's none of her business!

RicottaPancakes · 26/12/2017 22:06

Would he not have cried less if you'd hedl him? Could your friend have held him? Why was she asking do you think?

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/12/2017 22:06

I would have done it your friend's way. But I wouldn't have commented if I were her.

TheLegendOfBeans · 26/12/2017 22:06

YANBU.

I’d have done the same

PinkHeart5914 · 26/12/2017 22:07

Aww I wouldn’t of left baby to cry because I think 3 months is still very much a baby and too young to be left to cry, but if I was your friend I absolutely would of offered to help!

Passmethecrisps · 26/12/2017 22:07

Personally, I couldn’t have listened to that and have done the hideous one handed bedtime business. But I think your friend was an arse to mention rather than offer to help. If baby’s distress was so concerning to her she should have given a cuddle and let you get on.

Smurfy23 · 26/12/2017 22:08

Yeah I think the issue really is your friend who is happy to judge but seemingly less happy to help.

Pollypudding · 26/12/2017 22:08

I think it might take longer to settle the baby if he had been crying for a while. Your friend sounds very judgemental though and could have offered to help. Bedtimes with little ones can be difficult and I am sure you are doing the best you can Flowers

arethereanyleftatall · 26/12/2017 22:09

I think you did the right thing.
She was being unreasonable, if she didn't want baby to cry I suppose she could have done it?

Chchchchangeabout · 26/12/2017 22:10

What a hypocritical friend when she could have offered to help fgs! I wouldn't think of it again. Does she have kids? More than one, and experience of trying to meet different needs?

Loverunandwine · 26/12/2017 22:10

It’s so hard but sometimes the younger one has to cry when you only have one pair of hands. How do I get my toddler out of the bath if I can’t put her down (all got easier now she is 5 months though).

She however would have been a second pair of hands......

Marcine · 26/12/2017 22:10

I'd have asked the friend to hold him.

My dc3 does have to cry for a few minutes sometimes while I deal with the others, but 10 minutes is a bit too long for me.

Original poster
MardyMarie · 26/12/2017 22:18

I did ask if she wanted to hold him but she said no. She doesn't have children and is nervous around babies. I knew he'd settle as soon as I fed him (though he wasn't overly hungry) and that he'd cry more being carted around than he would in his bouncer with the hustle and bustle around him.

OP posts:
StrawberryMummy90 · 26/12/2017 22:22

You did the right thing OP.

Can’t believe the posters who would get baby up, take out of a dark bedroom into light and noise, not actually be able to cuddle and comfort properly as tending to other children just have them hanging of your arm screaming, upset your other children and presumably lengthen the time it gets them to bed, take baby back into dark room, try and calm down and remind them it’s night time and get them to sleep again.

How can anyone think that is a better option rather than leaving them for just over 5 mins (OP said under 10 mins so I’m presuming around 7-9mins) to cry whilst you get everything sorted and can then get baby back to sleep and be with them the rest of the night.

I find it bizarre and would of done the same as you, in my opinion it would of been less distressing and disruptive to baby compared to what your friend and other posters would of done!

StrawberryMummy90 · 26/12/2017 22:23

You did the right thing OP.

Can’t believe the posters who would get baby up, take out of a dark bedroom into light and noise, not actually be able to cuddle and comfort properly as tending to other children just have them hanging of your arm screaming, upset your other children and presumably lengthen the time it gets them to bed, take baby back into dark room, try and calm down and remind them it’s night time and get them to sleep again.

How can anyone think that is a better option rather than leaving them for just over 5 mins (OP said under 10 mins so I’m presuming around 7-9mins) to cry whilst you get everything sorted and can then get baby back to sleep and be with them the rest of the night.

I find it bizarre and would of done the same as you, in my opinion it would of been less distressing and disruptive to baby compared to what your friend and other posters would of done!

bobstersmum · 26/12/2017 22:24

Yanbu to let baby that age cry for couple mins when you're genuinely busy, but yabu to let baby that age cry for ten mins. I do the one armed lunatic thing because it's just less stressful for me and for the little one. Baby that age needs comfort asap.

kaytee87 · 26/12/2017 22:24

I wouldn't leave a small baby to cry but appreciate it was difficult for you. Your friend should have helped or shut up. I doubt as a once off your baby would be damaged by the incident.

drinkyourmilk · 26/12/2017 22:24

My baby (who is now soooooo much happier ) cried and screamed for the first 4.5 months. I kid you not- I would put her down for approximately 15 minutes every other day- so I could shower. Sometimes you need to do 'life' as well as babycare. YWNBU to leave him to cry. He has siblings- and they matter too.

UrgentScurryfunge · 26/12/2017 23:11

When baby and siblings have conflicting needs, deal with the quickest issue first, which is what you did. Baby wasn't being left to cry it out over a prolonged period.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 26/12/2017 23:16

No, I'd have gone to the baby and settled them before the elder ones. Babies who learn nobody comes when they cry can suffer issues later in life.

Waddlelikeapenguin · 26/12/2017 23:22

I would have taken baby with me/fed baby first or most likely stuck boob in baby's mouth while sorting kids Grin

Not much of a friend to not help though! And i would never have commented to you (beyond offering help)