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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Surely this isn't normal?

33 replies

wonderingstar01 · 26/12/2017 18:58

My friends's marriage broke down last year due in part - according to his wife - of his unnatural obsession with this grown up daughter, something he always puts down to jealousy on his wife's part. He's always been a friend of mine and I have to admit, I've stuck up for him even when I really didn't want to get involved.

He's now living alone in his childhood home which he has re-purchased and has his daughter over to stay for a few days. She's 36, lives less than 2 hours away but hasn't visited him in the year he's lived there. When I spoke to him yesterday, he was really excited she was going to stay. He's "done up the the spare room, bought new bedding, new towels and ...... dug out her old Eyore cuddly toys and put them on the bed for her to snuggle up to".

Now, if she was 6 years old I'd understand it but 36???

Before her visit, she dropped into conversation that she wouldn't get many presents this year as her mum is away so he's also been out and bought her a mountain of presents to compensate.

Does this smack of an obsession? Or is it just plain weird? Or is it just a father wanting to give his daughter a good Xmas.

OP posts:
MickeyLuv · 26/12/2017 19:24

Sounds like a father wanting to give his daughter a good Christmas to me.

ludothedog · 26/12/2017 19:28

It's nice surely?

StickThatInYourPipe · 26/12/2017 19:30

Can’t see anything weird there... my mum regularly buys a nice new duvet set for visitors.

user1483387154 · 26/12/2017 19:30

sounds lovely not obsessed at all

Bambamber · 26/12/2017 19:32

Just sounds like he's excited for his daughter to come and stay, Sounds lovely to me

MissBax · 26/12/2017 19:34

Eh??? I'm confused - the marriage broke down cos of his "obsession" with his own daughter?!

Mulberry72 · 26/12/2017 19:35

Sounds lovely to me.

I wish my DF was that excited about seeing me.

wonderingstar01 · 26/12/2017 19:36

Sorry but it's just the cuddly toy bit I can't get my head round.

OP posts:
Fishfingersandwichnocheese · 26/12/2017 19:37

I still have my old teddy’s and my parents house. Had no idea it was so odd.

TrojansAreSmegheads · 26/12/2017 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hercules12 · 26/12/2017 19:41

I paid out ds's teddy on his bed ready for him coming home for Xmas. He's 22.

LifeofClimb · 26/12/2017 19:44

Totally normal.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 26/12/2017 19:46

Apart from the cuddly toy, this sounds like my dad and he’s definitely not obsessed with me!

I think he sounds fine. The eyore thing is a bit strange, but he is her dad. I remember seeing footage of Peter Stringfellow’s live in girlfriend’s bedroom in his flat and it was jam-packed with cuddlies. Made me feel a wee bit strange tbh.

AfunaMbatata · 26/12/2017 19:48

My dad still kisses my forehead and turns out the light if I’m sleeping at my parents house. It’s nice, not weird Hmm

Babybauble · 26/12/2017 19:51

FFS. He sounds lovely, what's your point op? Hardly innapropriate

wonderingstar01 · 26/12/2017 19:54

Maybe it's just me! If my dad hunted down my childhood teddies and put them on my bed specifically for me to cuddle up to when I stayed with him, I'd think he'd lost the plot!

The other bits I get as he loves her a lot and worries about her and wants to make her stay better than she's used to.

OP posts:
wonderingstar01 · 26/12/2017 19:56

Hercules12

Xmas Hmm
OP posts:
Mrsmadevans · 26/12/2017 19:57

He sounds lovely
I think he must be very lonely and feel sad and harks back to the days of his daughter's childhood bless him

wonderingstar01 · 26/12/2017 19:58

I remember seeing footage of Peter Stringfellow’s live in girlfriend’s bedroom in his flat and it was jam-packed with cuddlies. Made me feel a wee bit strange tbh

Maybe she was very young.

OP posts:
Dustbunny1900 · 26/12/2017 19:59

Is there anything more to this "obsession" story? Any other examples? Doesn't seem too obsessed to me. Yea he may be infantalizing her a bit, but "unnatural obsession" ??

ButteredScone · 26/12/2017 19:59

You're the ex-wife, aren't you?

ILoveMillhousesDad · 26/12/2017 20:01

I think you're weird for thinking he's weird, unless there is some major backstory which you are going to tell us?

Bambamber · 26/12/2017 20:03

So just because your dad isn't like that, dads that do things like that are weirdos?

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 26/12/2017 20:03

I think she was in her twenties @op, but it was such a little girl bedroom. It was just a little bit strange to me to have it in your boyfriend’s flat...

It’s different when it’s your mum or dad’s house. I’m sure my 43yo cousin sleeps in a twin bedroom, which has always been ‘the children’s room’ when she visits my granny!

wonderingstar01 · 26/12/2017 20:05

I can only comment on what I've seen myself, not on the observations his exW makes as I wasn't there.

But, he does talk about his DD incessantly. In every conversation, he brings it round to her. She does something which causes them to not speak for months (like drug taking) and then she's the best thing walking. It's just a bit grinding to be honest and if he hadn't been my friend since childhood, I probably would probably shut him down with a few home truths now and again.

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