Surely this isn't normal?

[wonderingstar01]

My friends's marriage broke down last year due in part - according to his wife - of his unnatural obsession with this grown up daughter, something he always puts down to jealousy on his wife's part. He's always been a friend of mine and I have to admit, I've stuck up for him even when I really didn't want to get involved.

He's now living alone in his childhood home which he has re-purchased and has his daughter over to stay for a few days. She's 36, lives less than 2 hours away but hasn't visited him in the year he's lived there. When I spoke to him yesterday, he was really excited she was going to stay. He's "done up the the spare room, bought new bedding, new towels and ...... dug out her old Eyore cuddly toys and put them on the bed for her to snuggle up to".

Now, if she was 6 years old I'd understand it but 36???

Before her visit, she dropped into conversation that she wouldn't get many presents this year as her mum is away so he's also been out and bought her a mountain of presents to compensate.

Does this smack of an obsession? Or is it just plain weird? Or is it just a father wanting to give his daughter a good Xmas.

I'm in my forties and can guarantee you that right now in my bedroom at my parents' home my teddies are still on my old bed.

Not weird, just them making sure I know I'll always be welcome back.

I can’t see anything wrong there.
He is basically trying to make the place nice for her, he is excited at the idea of seeing her. And he has taken the time to dig out stuff from her childhood. My parents have kept that sort of things too btw....

I hope theyve had a really nice Christmas together tbh.

ButteredScone

No, I'm not. I'm the ex SIL.

So the situation ismuch much more complicated than you are saying.

In that situation, I’m not surprised he is always thinking about her. She is his child. She is clearly having lots of problems. So he is worried.

What sort of behaviour would you expect from him? To stop mentioning his dd? Or to stop mentioning what is really important to him?

Is the wife who left him the mother of the 36 year old?

Nothing odd about it at all. Offer that your dad wouldn't put similar effort in.
I think you and your sister are confusing 'obsessed' with normally interested in your children as most parents are.

*Odder

Some parents do worry a lot about adult children.

My dad had a go at me yesterday for not bringing a waterproof jacket "in case" it started to rain. We were indoors, travelling by either car or a two minute walk and I'm nearly thirty. I know he means well but it really wound me up.