To consider an abortion?

[InAPickleToday]

I've NC'd for this.

My period is late but never did I think I could be pregnant. DP have had sex twice in the past month, using a condom properly each time. I've done a test and it's a clear positive. No ifs or buts about it.

I'm devestated. I'm devastated to be devastated. I don't want to be pregnant. I'm not ready for another child. We have DD who is 17 months and I've really struggled with her, PND and anxiety. It's only now I feel like I'm more on top of things and enjoying my daughter.

I'm also in my final year of a degree and have been offered a place on a teacher training course in September. It's what I've worked so hard for, despite having DD and battling through PND, there's light at the end of the tunnel. I'm also due to get married, everything booked near my due date.

I don't want another baby (yet), but I don't want an abortion either. I don't think I'd cope with another DC, but don't know if I can cope with the guilt of an abortion. DP is being so so supportive but I feel so alone. I can't talk to anyone because I feel so ashamed I'm even considering it. I don't think they'd understand.

Aside from the ignorance re. adoption this plan shows, you DID see the part where the OP says she can’t cope with the process of being pregnant if she wants to complete her degree, right? Pregnancy has a huge impact on health and no woman should be obliged to incubate a foetus she does not want.

Oops, forgot to include the quote. My post is directed at the same poster as pallisers’.

@AckleAckencacker. Adoption is not an option.

In apickle, if its not an option then its not an option and you will have to choose from the options you do have. But if pregnancy or abortion are your only options then as long as you choose the one you really feel is right then you dont have to feel any guilt. You did what any good parent does, the best you can in any situation. No guilt required.

Pallisers and dixie
In regard to adoption yes I am ignorant about the technicalities. But I am aware that not everyone that is adopted has an issue with it, (according to people giving their experiences on reddit threads so i can not vouch for the validity of it it.)
I do know that some people that lived with biological family wished they didnt and some people dream of their foster parents adopting them. (Again all from stories on the Internet so i cant vouch for the validity.)

Also yes i did notice where she says that dixie but i also noticed her saying that she didnt know if she could cope with the guilt or with actually having the child so i offered a third option. Admittedly 2 of my pregnancys went well health wise for me so honestly i cant imagine what a difficult pregnancy is like. Which is why i dont know how concrete that was since she said she could not cope with either of the other options.

Yes i am aware i have probably repeated myself in places but tiny phone screen so oh well. Also excuse any spelling/grammar mistakes.

Pallisers
Oooohhhh i had to look facile up. I like it. Facile. Fa-cile. Very nice. I will try to remember that one thank you.

OP, go to your GP, get referred to the abortion clinics. The abortion clinics are not there to tell you that you should have an abortion, they will offer you support and counselling so that whatever you decide to do will be what you think is right. They are the best people who have the most experience to help you take you through the steps of what to do.

Pregnant women are not incubators who should continue unwanted pregnancies in order to provide babies to people who can't have children. What a horrifying thought.

You have nothing to feel guilty about OP. You're making a choice that's right for you and your family. I have absolutely no regrets about my abortion, I barely think about it. Good luck :-)

Also my first pregnacy i was a idiot teenager in over her head and i did think about abortion to the point where i was sat in a clinic for my first appointment. I was waiting and looking at the infomation leaflet and knew that i couldnt do it. (i changed my mind right then in the clinic, told them and left so dont hold off. If you arent sure start the proceedings as you are on a time limit. You can stop it at any time. Literally right up to the moment before. If they dont like you changing your mind then tough.)
After that i did think about adoption but didnt even look at any infomation about it because i changed my mind so quickly. So i do have no knowledge at all about it. I didnt want to spend years wondering about the baby. If it would be ok. If the parents were nice to the baby etc.
In the end it was for nothing as the baby was stillborn at full term. Cord was around her neck. She was beautiful. 9lbs9oz. Brown hair. And as guilty as I feel about it. It was for the best. I wasnt ready to be a mum. Her life to be honest would have probably been awful with me struggling to be what she needed. So sometimes that hard choice has to be made i got depressed and screwed up my last year of school and ended up with crap results. But now i am sorted having redone them it would have been nice to get it right the first time round.

If you really don't want another child, you don't need to have one. What you have now is the potential for a child not a child. Don't beat yourself up over it. I've had two abortions. Both justified. I went for the anaesthetic option as it was psychologically easier.

The thread isn't about adoption Ackle.

Crunchymum
I know that. I offered it as a suggestion as it wasnt mentioned in the op. Then my second post was answering a couple of other posters and my third was clarifying and adding info to my second.

In addition my third post talks more about abortion. Recommending that if she isnt sure start the ball rolling as that way its sorted if thats what she wants or she can change her mind if its not.
It also talks about how i ended up chosing to keep the baby when in hindsight i wouldn't have been able to cope.
I clarified that she was stillborn to stem any questions of do you regret keeping her etc and dont want to be accused of misleading that she is here when she died.

I’m not judging you for having an abortion but a lot of things could be put on hold/paused. You don’t want to live a life of what if if you are not 100% sure of your decision. Please be kind to yourself on the other hand and try not to be too hard on yourself.

I'm not sure that AIBU is really the right place to post about abortion - some real keyboard warriers who look for trouble in this topic, IMVHO.

I'm sorry to hear about your dilemma - whatever you choose to do, though, please don't feel guilty about it.

I posted earlier saying I was in the same situation. My partner and I have decided to go ahead with the pregnancy, I just know I would feel guilt (rightly or wrongly) for the rest of my life. So together we are going to make it work. I’m not sure if this is helpful, but there are many many women in your situation and only you can make the right decision for yourself and your family. I understand that some abortion clinics offer a counselling session to discuss options. It may be worth attending one of these with an open mind. You may walk in and immediately know you can’t go through with it? xx