To have let my Dad drive after drinking?

[RatherBeCrazy]

Will try to keep this brief. My Dad is an alcoholic. Goes through phases of admitting he is and deciding he's not. He's recently declared that he's not and he has the odd drink now and again. We don't live near so can only take his word for it, but his recent deterioration in health (and history) suggests otherwise. We invited him and my brother to stay for Christmas. They arrived Christmas Eve and left today. When he arrived I snuck upstairs and searched his bag and found 5 squash bottles of whiskey (possibly with some watering down). I said nothing but checked periodically and it all went, including today which is the day he was due to drive home. I confronted him this morning and made him stay an extra few hours. He gave lots of excuses - it was really weak, he only had a little this morning etc. They got home safely but I don't know what to do now. The fact that he did it today, whilst staying with us, makes me sure he does it at home all the time. He drives my brother regularly. Should I tell my Mum (they're separated and have joint custody). Thanks for reading.

You'd do better to call the police if you know he's drink driving.

Yes. You were being very unreasonable and yes, you should tell your mum

If he had insisted on leaving, you should have phoned the police right away

Yes tell your mother.

I would also find a way to report him next time you know he is on the roads drunk.

In hindsight yiu should have reported him when he left yours today.

I would agree with phoning the police. It's not just his life he s putting at risk

I’d rather have my dad banned for drink driving than have him kill himself/my brother/a stranger.

I’d call the police every damn time I knew he was driving drunk until he was banned.

Drunk drivers are disgusting. They are selfish, arrogant and have no fucking right to be on the road putting other people at risk because they decided their need to drive trumps everyone else’s right to be safe.

You need to tell the police and your mum.

Ring the police!

I'm surprised you even felt the need to ask such a daft question!

Were they regular size bottles? Five litres of whisky???

Poor you being in this position. Your father has put you in this situation and- more importantly- put your brother at risk.

You cannot do nothing- imagine if your brother was hurt one day?

I would explain to your father that if he doesn’t confess everything- EVERYTHING- to your mother and immediately start addressing his alcoholism then you will tell her and the police instead.

You calling the police now won’t work as they won’t be able to prove anything by now but next time call the police straight away and keep your brother with you- do not let him get in the car again.

Definitely tell your mum immediately. I think you can call 101 and give his number plate so they can stop and check him if they see him driving.

You think mum doesn't know? Really?

Your mum must know, and anyone who enables a drunk driver is disgusting. Deal with it please. He may kill your brother or others.

Can we stop slagging the OP please? She didn’t pour the drink down her dad’s neck and get in a car as a driver. These drunks put others in an impossible position. Until you are in it you do not know how difficult it is to pick up the phone to the police. Also, most police forces are far too busy to go out searching for a particular car. It’s not actually that easy to find people even with a full registration, make and model. I speak as someone who as a young person failed to report their father’s drunk-driving because of a fear of recriminations but later on in my life, phoned the police on my then husband. I know I did the right thing by other road users in the latter case, but my in-laws certainly didn’t think so. I am in no way excusing drunk-drivers - it’s an appalling and arrogant crime - but failing to report a driver you suspect may be drunk is not actually the same crime.

How old is your brother op?

Is your brother a child?

Have you notified the DVLA? I would be going down that route in order to get his driving license removed. And in the mean time ring the police every time he gets behind the wheel. Please don’t be complacent. My best friend was killed by a drink driver when I was 13 and it really did something to me, I was never the same again. Don’t be THAT person who has to live with that guilt...

Thank you all for your replies. I absolutely considered calling the police, the reasons I didn't were that I don't know how much he had today, and the thought of the two of them being stranded at a police station half way home. My brother is an adult with ASD and would have found this extremely distressing. I'm not saying I made the right decision though.

My mum knows he's an alcoholic, it's why they separated, but she (and until today I) believed he'd never be stupid enough to drive after drinking.

My mum and sister were killed by a drink driver
He did three years in jail
For my family it's a life sentence of grief and I really wish someone had stopped him

Have you notified the DVLA

Pointless.

to you OP.

Horrible situation for you to be in so you have my sympathies too

Your post was really hard to read, because I am the adult child of a functioning alcoholic who regularly drove myself and my siblings around after drinking. We had more near misses than I care to remember. When I was in my 20s and mercifully we had all left home he crashed his car and broke his back. How he didn't kill himself or somebody else I don't know. For the sake of every innocent member of the public and your own brother, tell the police. I wish I had. My blood still runs cold thinking about what could have happened, and I'll never fully forgive my father (or my mother, who knew and was passive) for what they risked.

So he could kill himself, your mum, your brother and any other unsuspecting family. Think of the other people on the roads tonight, children excited to get home to play with their presents etc? Imagine if he killed people and you knew he’d been drinking and you didn’t even try to stop him or report him?

The Dvla dont revoke people's licences on a family members say so

I don’t think the OP should report to DVLA, it’s the police she needs to call if she suspects he’s drunk driving.

I know someone who reported a friend for driving home from the pub and the police waited at her house and caught her as she got home.

Horrible situation for you op, but as you know about his drink driving I really think you have a responsibility to say something about it. How would you feel if his drink driving caused a terrible accident. I honestly don't think I could handle that on my conscience.