To ask parents of ASD children if this is typical Christmas behaviour?

[ThankGoodnessItsOver]

I'm so confused and a bit hurt right now and I can't work out if I'm being over sensitive .

DS is 8 and on the pathway for ASD assessment (more like Aspergers).

Christmas Day was nice and relaxed and in the evening we visited my parents . All lovely .

But on the way home , seemingly out of the blue , because I'd mentioned it would soon be bedtime , DS became intolerable.

It carried on until just before bed when he screamed full on right in my face that I annoy him so much . I'd only asked him to go up to bed

I stayed calm and tried to offer him a cuddle but he carried on with how I annoy him more than I ever make him happy

DS thinks his whole life is unfair - simple requests are met with avoidance or frustration etc . I know this is part of his ASD.

I feel so hurt though . I worked so hard to give him and his brothers a lovely Christmas and I feel like he hates me .

I always get the brunt of it in comparison to his dad.

I'm still learning about his ASD. Does it just sound like things were too much yesterday ?

Or does he really sound like he hates me?

@Thedietstartsnow

What game is that, please?

Yes OP, that's typical and it is often thankless. But there are good times too. Our ds (23) likes to make people laugh and often tells jokes, even though he doesn't always understand them himself

One thing to keep in mind 'they always take out their behaviour on the person closest to them, the one they know they can trust' hence why sometimes other family members don't see the behaviour. It is masked and withheld, until they can no longer keep it in, because the sensory overload has become to much, and then it's normally mum or dad that bears the brunt.

a few days ago me and ds sat down and wrote timetables for the Christmas period. Including things like bedtime. The few guests we had knew the timetables (so weren’t offended when told “if 4 o clock you are leaving now)

We have still had plenty of moments but overall reducing expeditions and the sensory load has helped. Making sure he has a safe space to retreat to also helped

My eldest son doesn't have ASD, (or not that I'm aware of) by his behaviour is very challenging and similar to your DS. I posted a thread yesterday about pretty much the same thing.
I don't have any constructive advice but just wanted to offer you some support. I'm sure you are doing a great job and he's just lashing out x

I second the lovely CloudPerson's use of PDA Strategies for avoidance, www.pdasociety.org.uk/what-is-PDA/about-pda

Also look on SNChat www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs_chat and SNChildren www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs on Mumsnet Special Needs section, there's a real wealth of info there for all situations you may encounter and so many helpful mums who have been there and can give you tips on how to cope. Also the issue of partners and wider family not being on board, schools and relatives not "believing" an ASD diagnosis are discussed often.

Once again on this thread I've seen the spectrum referred to as a linear scale, it really isn't, it's far more complex than that.
the-art-of-autism.com/understanding-the-spectrum-a-comic-strip-explanation/

Totally feel for you. My parents and in-laws both think if DS is ‘well behaved’ then the diagnosis is wrong and if he has a meltdown then it’s our bad parenting. For me that’s the hardest thing to deal with.

*Oh yes that sounds par for the course.

I'd say the big change in routine and all the excitement has got him overwhelmed and he's taking it out on the safe person. The one he knows will love him anyway. You*

ITA.

Lots of sensory stimulus and change of routine, lots of transitions. All very anxiety causing.

Family not believing is par for the course too. Kids who struggle with this can often put on a good face for a certain length of time before they run out of steam and everything falls apart. As McCakington says, you are safe to explode at. Kids wear themselves out compensating for the benefit of others.

@cakeymccakington You've just made my Christmas. I have very similar thoughts to the OP, and often think my DD doesn't love or appreciate me. Your explanation is, of course, the most logical, and something I rarely take time to consider when feeling emotionally bruised.

My 5yr old daughter has asd. She was uninterested in the whole thing, refused to open any gifts and sat with headphones on listening to audio cds all day. Didn't get involved in anything and generally just ignored anyone who spoke to her. This is typical for her. She wasn't sad in any way in fact she was quite happy but just doesn't 'get' Christmas.