Rude comment

[splatattack]

So I tried on an outfit tonight I was planning to wear on New Year's Eve. I am staying at my parents and walked downstairs to get tea in the outfit. I was wearing a black cashmere jumper (M&S) with a pair of silk patterned shorts (DKNY) with black tights and boots. I asked my mum what she thought and she said well you wouldn't leave the house like that...I said I would and she said 'splat, you are 33 not 23 grow up'. There is lots of other drama going on at the moment but later I called her up on this as I said it was rude to say this, and has denied that she was rude, she is entitled to have an opinion. Who is being unreasonable here?

Don't be so precious ,she is your mum, if close family cannot be kind to each other, who can.

don't turn it around. I would rather my parents to be honest with me, because it works both ways: i can TRUST them and will have an honest opinion.

And seriously, would go into a sulk because her mum has different ideas about an outfit at 34? It's not like the woman was trashing a wedding dress on the day of the wedding!

I was a punk from the age of 15 with weird & (not so) wonderful hair plus multiple piercings.

If I was your mother, you would't have been allowed in the house like that - for many reasons. My parents would have been exactly the same, and it would have been a damn good thing.
I could always have gone punk at 20 if I wanted to
If I had done it at 15, I would not have been accepted in the places I went to, and ultimately would never have got my job.

Parents are more than allowed to have an opinion, their role is to guide. There's a big difference between being overly strict and not allow the children to grow up, and helping them.

If I was your mother, you would't have been allowed in the house like that

Fortunately my appearance didn't hold me back from getting a good education and decent jobs.

you can laugh, but my kids are not allowed to have blue or green hair. My house, my rules. (and the school doesn't allow it either anyway)

In my case, it worked out very well, none of the places I went to would have allowed anything like that.

And straw...my mum did put me down when shopping for wedding dresses. There was one I thought I loved (v hard to know when trying on as the whole white dress thing is a bit surreal) but she made me feel so uncomfortable in it (and she knew I thought it was the one I wanted) I chose a different one. If I had chosen the one I wanted I would have seen her disapproval all over her face for the entire day. Yes, I should be an adult and stand up for myself but my confidence isn't strong enough for that...not on a day where I am so much on show..

OP< I get wedding are sensitive times, but you were talking about an outfit for New Years Eve, and you are 34...
By now, you should know your parents taste and reactions anyway, but not get offended because they have an opinion.

Again, I don't know you, you might have look lovely or perfectly ridiculous, who knows. Either you are happy with yourself, and don't ask, or are not sure then listen to the answer.

One of my kids schools allows blue hair, one doesn’t. I prefer the school that does allow it but expect both kids will have the same opportunities in life and same values. Don’t think hair colour dictates that.

"My mother was also like this............... She called me repulsive once, when I was in my teens. So many awful mothers..."

I'm sorry your mum was so awful. My mother was nothing like this. As I said, she was brutally honest if asked for an opinion on my choice of clothes. She'd try to correct or improve my behaviour but she never said anything nasty about me or my character. There's a difference.

A lesson I've had to learn in life is that when someone asks me "what do you think?" they usually mean "tell me you really, really like this".

On the other hand, as a mother having reared DCs through all those periods when they reject everything you hold dear and seem to go against you at every turn, it's quite difficult to imagine that they might actually be hurt by your criticism. They've spent enough years when parental criticism means they must be on the right track!

It depends, though, on context. Does your mother say enough good things about you that you feel secure in her valuing of you, or do you just get the negative comments?

It sounds a fabulous outfit - I'd wear it if I had the legs for it and I'm 10 years older than you, OP. You asked for your mum's opinion and she gave it, which was fair, but in a tactless way. Don't ask her in future - you don't need her approval of what you wear.