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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Rude comment

60 replies

splatattack · 26/12/2017 01:04

So I tried on an outfit tonight I was planning to wear on New Year's Eve. I am staying at my parents and walked downstairs to get tea in the outfit. I was wearing a black cashmere jumper (M&S) with a pair of silk patterned shorts (DKNY) with black tights and boots. I asked my mum what she thought and she said well you wouldn't leave the house like that...I said I would and she said 'splat, you are 33 not 23 grow up'. There is lots of other drama going on at the moment but later I called her up on this as I said it was rude to say this, and has denied that she was rude, she is entitled to have an opinion. Who is being unreasonable here?

OP posts:

counterpoint · 26/12/2017 07:40

You always hurt the ones you love. My mum's opinions on my choice of clothes were always brutally honest too.

I wish she was still around to shape me up - I'm a right mess these days.

Billben · 26/12/2017 07:43

when all she had to say was hmmm, I'm not too sure, you have nicer outfits etc.

So you want her to sugar coat it for you just so you can swallow it?

You asked her opinion, she gave it to you. You are 33, wear what you want without seeking other people’s approval. Believe me, out in the big wide world, none of us care what others wear.

RedZine · 26/12/2017 07:46

don't I know that she wants to show me off when I look my best

bleurgh. Tell your mum you're not her accessory.

However, cashmere jumper, tights and shoes... what about a skirt, or is the jumper a tunic?

Original poster

splatattack · 26/12/2017 07:51

Red zone..I had a pair of shorts on..not tight, they are loose and look more like a skirt or a pair of mid thigh culottes...

But it doesn't matter, I am used to her and should stop seeking approval..I will never get it!! I know that sounds over dramatic just for this one incident, but she has created a lot more drama since then last night...she never fails to go straight for the jugular and make me feel my worst...

OP posts:

RedZine · 26/12/2017 07:58

If you were wearing shorts as well then it's a normal outfit whether you ware 23 or 33.

OP wear what you like and stop asking your mother's opinion if she is so tactless.

RickOShay · 26/12/2017 08:06

Op your outfit sounds lovely, elegant
and just right for going out. As somebody else said it is all about her own issues, don’t take it in board. Try and rise above, easier said than done i know.

trinity0097 · 26/12/2017 08:14

That sort of look doesn’t really suit adults, so she was probably just being honest.

Takeoutyourhen · 26/12/2017 08:22

Competitive mothers are the worst.
Given that you are used to her opinions and feedback you can ignore whatever she says. She may tell you what she thinks regardless :/

Sounds like she is projecting any issues she has on to you and you reflect her when out in public. Just like schools insisting correct uniform to be worn to and from school to represent them well and keep up a good reputation.

Your outfit sounds great to me!

youarenotkiddingme · 26/12/2017 08:24

Yes of course she's entitled to her opinion.

But there are ways of having one and ways of expressing it.

InfiniteSheldon · 26/12/2017 08:27

It she has form for this why did you ask her? Yabu

numbereightyone · 26/12/2017 08:29

My dmum would probably have said the same thing and she'd probably be right.
I am used to this sort of thing. It's pretty normal for people where I am from to speak as they find!

Rudgie47 · 26/12/2017 08:40

I dont think she was that rude really she was just telling you what she thought.
If she had said you are too fat for those and look like an old slag then that would be rude.

SleepFreeZone · 26/12/2017 08:42

'That sort of look doesn't suit adults'. PMSL - that is the most passive aggressive thing I've read on here today 😂

MonumentalAlabaster · 26/12/2017 08:43

Did you want her true opinion or were you seeking reassurance? You got the former and from your description she does not seem the sort of person who ever offers the latter. So I don't really understand why you asked her.

StrawBasket · 26/12/2017 08:44

Don't be so precious ,she is your mum, if close family cannot be honest with each other, who can.

YOU asked for her opinion, and without seeing you in your outfit, no one here can judge if she was right or not anyway. It's not being a competitive mother to 1) have an opinion on an outfit 2) wishes for her children to look the best they possibly can and be negative about an outfit that does not do them any favour or you find inappropriate.

People who pretend you look good in anything are not doing you any favour. Maybe your mum is completely right, or maybe you have different taste. Either way you need to grow up!

lifechangesforeverinjuly · 26/12/2017 08:46

If you asked for an opinion and got it, I don't see why she was being rude? Otherwise she would have been lying to you.. I do accept she could have said it better though.

I've grown up with a mum who has absolutely no filter and tells me what she thinks regardless if I ask or not so I'm a little immune really!

Tinkerbec · 26/12/2017 08:46

My Mum would be exactly the same.

She also thinks I should cut my long blonde hair into a bob.

I take what she says with the salt it deserves. My sister and I just laugh about it now.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 26/12/2017 08:47

She evidently has her own ideas about dress - just don't ask in future. Probably a generational thing.

My DM, although always smart and clothes conscious, had some very odd ideas. She insisted that it was 'all wrong' ' to wear heels with trousers - because she'd read some fashion editor's opinion on this back in the 1930s! I used to say that times and ideas change, but she still thought it 'not at all the thing'. She also had very definite ideas about anything that, to her, looked 'tarty'.
(She died at 97 two years ago).

NovemberWitch · 26/12/2017 08:50

Your response is very much that of a much younger person. She told you what she thought when asked. Laugh and wear what you like instead of fretting and huffing like a teenager .

RhiWrites · 26/12/2017 08:51

I absolutely do not believe that this outfit is only for 23 year olds. It sounds cool and stylish.

I hate it when people claim clothes are “too young” for you.

I would also wear leggings and trainers when walking into town.

I think your mum was being deliberately rude. Try not to let it hurt you. I really want to see a pic of the shorts though.

Devilishpyjamas · 26/12/2017 08:53

My MIL used to be extremely rude about what I wore (too ‘immature’ etc etc - all uninvited comments - I was in my twenties and like baggy jumpers and jeans). She wouldn’t dare criticise now although I suspect she still inwardly sucks lemons about my lack of make up and high heels etc.

Just ignore.

StrangeLookingParasite · 26/12/2017 09:02

Just because she wasn't as rude as it's possible to be doesn't mean she wasn't rude. And she was.

You always hurt the ones you love. My mum's opinions on my choice of clothes were always brutally honest too.

There is honest and there is just unkind.

My mother was also like this. I had to consider the source - her upbringing, and almost complete lack of visual taste. She called me repulsive once, when I was in my teens.
So many awful mothers...

StrangeLookingParasite · 26/12/2017 09:05

Don't be so precious ,she is your mum, if close family cannot be honest with each other, who can.

Don't be so precious ,she is your mum, if close family cannot be kind to each other, who can.

I fixed that for you. There are other options than brutal honesty and fawning lies.

Original poster

splatattack · 26/12/2017 09:10

Thank you strange!! I promise I'm not precious...I did not huff or sulk about the comment either..I just brought it up with her later as a rude thing to say..and pointed out that I would be kinder to her if it were me..

I am home at the moment and when I am here I often get treated as if I were a child again and it drives me mad...I am not desperately seeking approval, not for an outfit anyway!! but I do think that family should be nicer to each other..

OP posts:

MiltonTheChristmasCockroach · 26/12/2017 09:14

Fortunately for me my Mum never made any derogatory comments about my appearance. She must have been bloody tempted though as I was a punk from the age of 15 with weird & (not so) wonderful hair plus multiple piercings.

Some of the mothers mentioned on here sound bloody awful.

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