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AIBU?

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Original poster

Crap Christmas!

45 replies

sarahjaneg · 25/12/2017 23:14

Anyone else had a really crap Christmas Day??
Feel like in torn, on one hand I know I should be grateful, I have a beautiful family and a good husband, however I'm now sat alone downstairs having a glass of wine by myself while everyone else had gone to bed! I just feel so rubbish about today, I have four kids, 15, 14, 9, and 6. Work full time, still do the majority of the house stuff etc myself and today has been no different, I have literally cooked, cleaned up and waited on people since 7am, went to work this evening, asked my older children and husband if we could watch a movie and spend some time together when I got home, got in and they're all in bed, looking back on the day, not one person has so much has made me a coffee!
Just feeling so alone!

OP posts:
hevonbu · 25/12/2017 23:16

Oh, I'm so sorry. Some years have crap Christmases. Maybe you all could do something today instead (Tuesday)?

Princesspinkgirl · 25/12/2017 23:17

Im 28 w pregnant have a 1 year old well she is next month spent my morning cooking xmas dinner exhausted while dp chilled

cantmakeme · 25/12/2017 23:19

That does sound shit, sorry. Mine was too busy and stressful, but my DP does also pull his weight.

Insomnibrat · 25/12/2017 23:19

Sometimes we set ourselves up to feel like this a bit with the whole expectation of the thing, the amount of money spent, the amount of effort put in, striving for an almost romanticised ideal of Christmas which doesn't really reflect the reality of it.

We're spurred on by family and societal pressures and all this mania leads to a massive feelings of dissatisfaction and resentment once it's over, no matter how well the day has gone.

If I were you, i'd quietly decide not to do so much next year, keep the bits you like, jettison everything else. For your own sanity.
Don't feel like the onus should fall on you for the 'wife work' of it all. It doesn't.

Ikanon · 25/12/2017 23:23

I bought my own Christmas present about 2 months ago for my in laws to give me and gave it to DH. Today I didn't even open mine till the kids went to bed because I've caught my youngest's stomach bug and had to go to bed for the afternoon. No present from the in laws. Just mentioned it to DH who laughed and said it's in the drawer at home unwrapped. So basically tomorrow when we get home he's going to hand it back to me from the drawer he's kept it in for 2 months. Should have bought it and kept it Hmm Then at least I'd have got some use out of it over Christmas.

Maelstrop · 25/12/2017 23:23

So stop and next time, tell/ask others to step up. Stop doing all the wifework. Why aren’t the dc and your DH helping?

Original poster
sarahjaneg · 25/12/2017 23:27

I don't normally get so emotional, think just doing everything continuously is getting a bit tiring, probably should just accept it's just another day and get on with it !

OP posts:
Original poster
sarahjaneg · 25/12/2017 23:28

Oh no, that's not good x

OP posts:
dingdongdigeridoo · 25/12/2017 23:30

That’s shit. Kick DH out of bed first thing to deal with the kids and have a lie in. Let them sort themselves out tomorrow. The oldest ones especially shouldn’t be waited on!

Moanranger · 25/12/2017 23:30

OP, serious family re-training in order. Sit all kids down before Xmas, agree what parts of it they like & parcel out tasks. At their ages, you definitely should not be doing it all. Then, if they don’t help, they don’t get. (include DP in this) 6 able-bodied humans should be able to put on a great Xmas - not leaving it to one stressed out DM!

Original poster
sarahjaneg · 25/12/2017 23:37

Thankyou, I know it might sound silly but I really don't mind doing lots of it, and spoiling them a bit, although obviously there is a line!
The more I think about it, the more I realise that in my head I thought they would be waiting for me when I got home, and maybe pamper me a little in return!

OP posts:
campingismyjam17 · 25/12/2017 23:39

I hear you and I'm really sorry. All I wanted from DH was a pair of DM's for work. I am a teacher with a bad knee and do a lot of walking. I could have easily sourced them myself but I thought he was taking care of it. This morning, nothing. I don't even feel like I can say anything as he sorted out phones for our two kids (18 & 15) and a PS4 for son (15) . It does make you feel proper 'shite' though , like you don't matter. We have been together 31 years, married for 21. I should be used to it, I still think of little things to get him.It's just the thought, when you get nothing, literally nothing, you know you have not been given any thought.

BouncyTigger85 · 25/12/2017 23:40

Mine wasn’t the best. Not the crappest I realise. Just felt really down since i woke up for unknown reasons (pregnancy hormones?).
Then I Felt completely judged by a family member for having barely half a glass of Champagne whilst in my first trimester, because this person ‘knows about these things’, meaning I was seconds away from crying whilst everyone was about to tuck into their meal.
When my husband asked her about it after the meal as he knew I was now fretting, she went on about how it’s still early in the pregnancy and after saying that someone she knew drank throughout their pregnancy, and their kid has no GCSEs and only has a job because they are employed by their dad, said it probably will be ok with me, and it’s too late now to worry about it anyway.
I only had half a glass because it had sentimental value to me (Yes, a bit silly to hold sentiment in Champagne I know, but long story short, it’s to do with my dad who died last year).
So I had to weigh up losing the chanceof having some of the meaningful Champagne with being led on a guilt trip I knew was going to come by the way this person yelped when I was offered prosecco yesterday (which I was going to refuse anyway).
Sorry for my long ramble!

Jayfee · 25/12/2017 23:42

Why don't you go up to bed and gently shake your husband till he wakes and tell him you feel lonely and need him to talk to. Hopefully he will get up and make you a nice cup of tea!

AnnieAnoniMouse · 25/12/2017 23:45

It’s pretty crap your DH didn’t wait up for you coming in, it’s not like it’s 2am.

As for the kids, I’d be fine with them being in bed, far less likely to be grumpy tomorrow.

Enjoy your wine, but don’t stay up too late, you’ll only make tomorrow harder work 🍷🎄🎅🏻

Original poster
sarahjaneg · 25/12/2017 23:45

Bless you, sounds like a tough day too, I'm a carer too so as I love my job, it means I don't even have a break from doing things for other people!

OP posts:
tangledyarn · 25/12/2017 23:46

I've had a crap Christmas. On the surface it's fine, at my parents with some lovely old family friends and siblings, lots of food and booze. In my head it's felt rough though, I'm 37 and childless, I have a partner (who visited his parents instead as they are on the own otherwise) but feel totally bereft and heartbroken. I've got a number of chronic health problems and it's unlikely I'll ever have kids. Christmas heightens all of that, and lots of general tension at my parents-stressed mum, dad and sibling with asd make it all feel v v hard. Have made the best of it and hoping tomorrow will be easier. Hugs to anyone struggling it's a hard time of year for a lot of people.

Gemini69 · 25/12/2017 23:52

OP.. you sound totally and utterly under appreciated... how bloody rude that not one person waited on you coming home after everything you did for them all today... are you KIDDING me ?!

I'd make sure everyone knows how you feel.. tomorrow Flowers

Original poster
sarahjaneg · 25/12/2017 23:54

Feel like booking into a hotel for the night!!!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 25/12/2017 23:58

Yep! Another shit one. 6th one without DD1 who died, and DS has autism and it's been shit today. My PTSD is off the scale. I just took a zopiclone to try to get some sleep. The food was good!

1DAD2KIDS · 25/12/2017 23:58

Im just thankfull i booked me and the kids in at the pub at end of the road for christmas dinner. Its the only brake I have had all day. Just finished cleaning up after kids in bed. Mainly been a day of feeding kids, cleaning up after them (wrapping paper, packaging, putting toys away), building flat pack toys and looking after guests. I am completely knackered and alone. But the kids have had a great day and it's so good to them have so much fun. Defininatly doing the pub next year too. It was so nice to at least not have to cook a roast or wash the pots afterwards.

RandyMarsh · 25/12/2017 23:59

I've had a very disappointing day too. My 3 yr old came down with a stomach bug and a chest infection two days ago, I know these things can't be helped but he's just been so utterly miserable all day. So many tantrums, new toys being thrown across the room etc.

Because we have family here, the show had to go on, so I cooked a lovely dinner which took me over 2 hrs, when all I wanted to do was stay in my pjs and go back to bed.

Toddler slept from 4-7pm, so had been up all evening, mostly being miserable, so I've literally not had any time to enjoy anything.

I can tell the family and husband are pissed off despite my best efforts as it's been a stressful day. I'm not an Xmas person at all really but I was so looking forward to it this year, I made so much effort in the run up to it and quite frankly I wish I hadn't bothered.

I just want to be alone with my dog and not have to deal with the expectations of others and trying so hard to make it magical for a toddler who quite frankly couldn't care less!

Rudi44 · 26/12/2017 00:00

Your husband perhaps isn't as good as you think he is if he doesn't lend a hand and your kids are old enough to help out too. Next year tell them well in advance it's their turn and put your feet up. And don't feel so grateful for your wonderful family, they should be bloody well grateful to you

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 26/12/2017 00:01

I’m just bored. Dh did his usual thing of being completely underwhelmed by the whole affair and then going upstairs for a nap all evening. It was just us and the dcs, our parents are all dead and god forbid Sil let Bil come and see his brother at Christmas. We used to have a houseful every year. I really miss it.

BloodyMaryMorning · 26/12/2017 00:01

You're not alone! I'll raise my glass of Bailey's and join you in a toast of good riddance to a rubbish day.