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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say than money is a lazy gift?

40 replies

jinglebells123 · 25/12/2017 22:22

Unless you have specifically asked for it?

Once again because I didn’t specify exactly what I wanted this year my mum gave me cash and while I’m grateful for the gift I’m also annoyed that she spent so little time and effort on it.

I was in the same boat with her - when asked she didn’t want anything specific but I suggested she needed a new phone which she agreed and when offered the choice of me picking one or giving her money she said she would prefer money (which as requested I gave her) but I also got her some really thoughtful and personal gifts such as a memory book to share with my dd, a personalised photo calendar, personalised key ring. I spent time and effort on it while she basically visited the cash machine.

I know I ABU to a point but I’ve got a good job while she is on benefits and I’d rather she spent less and put more thought into it,

For me, this year has been crap for gifts as DH also put little effort in - we had agreed just to get a couple of small things but again I put in time and effort to get gifts that wouldn’t cost a lot but that he’d love whereas he got me chocolates and the same booze I always drink which I already have a supply of in the cupboard!

Sorry just feeling a bit rubbish that I’ve spent time considering thoughtful gifts and haven’t received the same in return:(

OP posts:

SpringSnowdrop · 25/12/2017 22:35

Some people would still feel that cash was considerate as it’s such an individual thing. So I would take it in the spirit it was meant, I imagine she wanted to help you and meant well? But do tell her another year that you love having something to unwrap.

I’m the opposite as don’t like things I won’t use or don’t want so it’s quite a minefield but useful communicating these things. My mum is amazing and always thoughtful to get something I do love so it’s worth helping her to understand I expect and I do get how you feel

SpringSnowdrop · 25/12/2017 22:38

Ps I do agree also that even if cash is well meant it would have been nice to think of something a bit more personal too , even if token as does show thought. I hope you had a good day otherwise and sorry

meredintofpandiculation · 25/12/2017 22:38

I find it really hard to buy for my DS. My tastes aren't his, and even if I know what he wants, it's difficult to be sure which or the details are important to him. So unless I know enough about what he wants to be able to make those decisions, I know that he will be happier with money than with something he wants but in a model/colour etc that he would never have chosen for himself.

In your position, I would make it clear that the most important thing to me is something to unwrap on Christmas Day, and give a list of small things that I'd love to receive.

Splinterz · 25/12/2017 22:41

Perhaps you should have a squiz at the threads on here with people bitterly complaining about the actual gifts they received.

99% of the time I would prefer money - because I can go and buy something I like/want/need in the sales for half the price. Result!

Moanranger · 25/12/2017 22:44

People who study this sort of thing (e.g. social scientists ) have found that people are happiest receiving cash. This is not to say EVERYONE is happiest, but that on average, more people prefer it. So cash is a safe option.
I do not think it is a question of being lazy, but some people are not good at choosing gifts, and some people get anxious buying gifts for others. The best approach is to be grateful for what you do receive -Christmas Spirit, and all that.

Hadjab · 25/12/2017 22:44

Personally I have no issues with cash or even vouchers - it gives you freedom to get what you want. You give to give, not to receive. You have to understand that not everyone has the capacity to put a lot of thought into gifts - there's really no point being pissed off because you do.

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 25/12/2017 22:45

YABU
I wonder if your dm feels nervous about your gift (given your disparate finances) and money is easier. I don’t think that makes it a lazy choice though

starfishmummy · 25/12/2017 22:45

It is. But we have.teen nephews and nieces that we never see and have no.ides what they want so that's what they get!!

LEMtheoriginal · 25/12/2017 22:50

My mum always gives money - she's 80 and really unable for much else. I'd rather presents but I know she can't manage - so yes even money for dd. I used to buy on her behalf but this year dd is going to harry potter studios so can go mad in the shop.

LEMtheoriginal · 25/12/2017 22:51

I have to say I usually end up spending my money on bills though - I am grateful

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 25/12/2017 22:52

There are people that I have tried very hard to find an acceptable gift for at Christmas and birthdays. I have put a lot of thought into finding something I really think they would like and had hoped to see them wearing/using the gifts, but actually never seen them worn or used.

I came to the conclusion that they must not be to their taste and it's more useful to get a gift card or similar, so they can choose something they do want?

So choose something you like and tell your mum what it is, I reckon.

PortlyWino · 25/12/2017 22:55

My teenager asked for cash. She got some cash and some presents. She would have preferred more cash, probably. I would prefer thoughtfully chosen presents to cash personally. It's hard to say.

DenPerry · 25/12/2017 22:56

Money is a great gift I think, I have always appreciated it. Just be more specific with them both next time. You love putting a lot of thought into presents but many people feel flummoxed by it all.

ShatnersBassoon · 25/12/2017 22:57

It's not necessarily lazy, because I'm sure lots of people who give cash mull over all of their options and decide it's the best one they have.

PortlyWino · 25/12/2017 22:59

I have 3 teenage nephews. I send them Amazon vouchers so they can get what they want as I have no clue ;-) Maybe that is is lazy of me.

Maelstrop · 25/12/2017 23:00

Cash is fab, especially for kids you don’t know too well. I have no idea what my dns are into, plus they’re going home to a different country soon, so spending money for while they’re here is appropriate.

Dm gave me a cheque (how old fashioned!) to get something large that I wanted, I think that’s fair enough as it needed to be ordered online, she can’t even turn on the computer. I’d far rather that than loads more plastic fake jewellery! :D

Firesuit · 25/12/2017 23:03

It's a proven economic fact that cash is on average the best gift. Researchers found that other presents were valued by recipients at less than what they cost to buy. Cash is the only form of giving where value isn't destroyed as a consequence of the giver's judgement overriding that of the recipient.

Original poster

jinglebells123 · 25/12/2017 23:05

I get that in certain circumstances cash is better i.e. when I was a teenager I wanted cash to buy clothes. My gran always gives cash as she isn’t fit to go shopping these days but my mum is and has plenty of time on her hands. I always get her and my dh personal gifts that I’ve put thought into.

These days I’m very fortunate to have a job that pays well so if I need something I’ll buy it. I don’t really need £50 cash - my mum needs it more and a thoughtful gift half the price would be better for both of us.

It was my birthday recently and she did the exact same - I donated all of it to a local charity as I figured they would need it more and will probably do the same this time.

OP posts:

Want2beme · 25/12/2017 23:05

No, it's not lazy. I've given cash to all of my nieces & nephews since they were in their early teens. I wouldn't dream of giving a gift of something they don't like or have no use for. They prefer cash & that's fine with me, as I want them to get what they want.

Original poster

jinglebells123 · 25/12/2017 23:12

Any perhaps I should be more specific that it feels lazy for close relatives- I agree that giving nieces/nephews etc money is probably better for all but your children? Especially in circumstances like this where there is an imbalance of wealth and when I’ve always tried to put some effort in?

I really do feel a bit down about my gifts this year - which I know sounds ungrateful but I wish someone had spared a bit of time to put some thought into it.

OP posts:

Ontheboardwalk · 25/12/2017 23:25

I agree with you jingle for close family. I think I’m pretty easy going pressie wise in chocs and drinks.

I get family things I know they would like so they have something nice to eat and drink on Christmas Day. I end up with cash from some close relatives which means the cash goes on parking or a coffee on the way to work. Not the same.

And yes I know it’s not a rubbish pressie, it’s just not a thought about pressie

Lucylululu · 26/12/2017 01:05

So many people complaining on here because they've agreed not to really 'do' presents and then their OH has thought this meant that they weren't going to really 'do' presents and then they've changed their mind and 'done' presents and their OH didn't psychically know.... Also to be honest I think money is an excellent gift, I'd much prefer it to anything else so I can choose my own things. You don't get to decide what other people give you. You don't get to decide how great your gift is because maybe they personally would have liked something else. All these people on mumsnet are doing my head in, complaining about what they got and demanding more 'thoughtful' gifts. How do you know how much thought they put in to what to get you?!? She might have thought youd be thrilled with the extra cash. Mumsnet has really taken Christmas and made it this horrible display of self pity, greed and obnoxious-ness

Shadow666 · 26/12/2017 01:12

It’s so hard to buy good gifts. How about giving her some suggestions of things you’d like? People aren’t mind readers and while you may have put a lot of thought into the gifts you bought, you have no idea if the recipients really liked them or not. I think it’s really awful you just gave away the money your mum gave you. Buy yourself something nice and let her know what you got.

Shadow666 · 26/12/2017 01:16

Also, I don’t think the gifts you got your mum sound thoughtful at all. You got her a key ring, calendar and a book to do with your daughter. It’s a bit shit for someone on benefits.

juliesaway · 26/12/2017 04:56

Money is a great gift. My grandmother always gave me a fairly reasonable amount of money for Christmas “ so you can get something you really want” - I did and I now treasure and remember those things I bought with the present money - far better than if she had gone out and guessed what I might want or need. Money is a fine gift.

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