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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

just found out about ex and his new life

31 replies

ineednewglasses · 25/12/2017 01:35

I know Iabu. He was a bastard. I tried to break it off so many times when I realised before I eventually got out. Cleared me out. left debts. Lied and lied and left.Was an alcoholic. Never got in touch or responded to anything - emails calls letters. Literally disappeared off the face of the earth. Left a beautiful child. Made out to everyone that I stopped him seeing the child. He Fucking walked out. Never paid a single penny. His whole family lied. We were nothing. I can't believe the things he did and now he gets to play happy families and they have a new baby - a name that he was going to call DC. for fucks sake. I know its been a long time, I know I shouldn't give a shit but I've just seen it on FB and it's just made me feel like shit.
I've struggled with raising DC myself.it hurts and I'm pissed off. I get that relationships dont work out and people move on. I get that you can have a new partner and children and that part is ok
But this .He Fucked up and almost destroyed me. I want to get on and post something on FB.. he already has a child and we exist you bastard. I know I shouldnt. I dont get how "people" like this just walk out and start over.
I just needed to vent.

OP posts:

RoderickRules · 25/12/2017 01:45

With his history it won’t be happy families for long.
He’s a shit.

You are truly better off without him and it is truly his loss.

dingdongdigeridoo · 25/12/2017 02:12

FB posts are never the whole story. I guarantee that what you went through with him, his new partner is currently experiencing. Maybe they’re in the honeymoon stage but it won’t last. You are much luckier than her because you’re free.

Enjoy life with your beautiful child and don’t waste a single second longer on him.

Sullabylullaby · 25/12/2017 02:21

Just remember everything shit he did.

juliesaway · 25/12/2017 02:27

He will do it again as people repeat patterns of behaviour. Don’t feel bad about yourself as you escaped . Pity the poor woman he’s now with and don’t see FB as reality - it’s not.

BrokenBattleDroid · 25/12/2017 02:33

Totally understandable to feel like that, I absolutely would too. But just imagine how much worse it felt to be with him.

That woman with the baby has to sit there wondering about her future because she knows she's with a man who is perfectly capable of waltzing out of their lives if he fancies it.

It feels shit because it is, but oh my goodness your kid is going be so much better off not living in a family home with that man. His other kid is going to be miserable

BulletFox · 25/12/2017 02:34

He's the past. You have the chance of a lovely new life with your beautiful child now.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 25/12/2017 03:03

There you have it, he almost destroyed you, but he didn't, because he's a pile of shite, and can't finish anything. You, on the other hand, have made it work, raising your beautiful child, who because of you, being such a wonderful Mummy, will be happy and well adjusted.
Now you know, just how strong you really are !
He is a loser, showcasing himself on the Internet, most of which is poppycock, codswallop, whatever you want to call it. He is still, and always will be utter scum, never retaliate, never feed his warped ego, he is worthy of no attention. This is not a happy ever after scene you are witnessing, it's the sad beginning of that poor babies life.
We are heading towards a New Year, the old one far behind you.
Sending you love and strength, for a wonderful Christmas. ⭐️💐🍾

AnnieAnoniMouse · 25/12/2017 03:32

I’m sorry you saw it, especially tonight (assuming you celebrate Christmas).

But come on. He hasn’t suddenly turned into the man you thought he was originally. He’s still him. Any twat that can walk out of their child’s life and cause her & her mother so much grief is categorically NOT going to be playing happy families for more than 5 minutes. Just take a moment to think of the poor woman & child about to go through what you went through, then put it out of your mind...you can. Move forward.

💐

greenberet · 25/12/2017 03:50

I get how shit this makes you feel - I was in a pretty desperate place the other night due tot the x who is a complete cunt Byw and his tmings into buying a house wit Ow -four years to the day. Marriage fell apart- he probably thinks this is a coincidence if he's twigged at all personally I thinks it's jinxed.

What got me even more is that Ds mentioned the timing - he has been lost in some world on his phone and basically said the shouting hasn't stopped for four years

I don't know what's going on this year but so far this is the worst Christmas in 4 when actually it should be the best as the other 3 have all been overshadowed by something going on with me Physicaly- this year I'm mentally shot away don't give s stuff about things I did in the past and it's as it comes this year when previous years it was all done by clockwork

Maybe their chickens are coming home to roost - sealing their fate as it were x

Reddlion · 25/12/2017 04:31

He's is and always will be a scumbag

Flippertyjibbetty · 25/12/2017 05:05

@ineednewglasses- he did all that and you picked yourself up and kept going and you're being a kickass mother for your child.

He has found someone else to pick up and no doubt whose life to ruin- people don't change that much. You are so much better off without him.

The FB post is galling and he doesn't deserve the image of happiness he has built up. But you can wish (for the sake of the innocent new partner and baby) that he has miraculously turned over a new leaf - knowing that he probably hasn't.

Do not post anything on FB. You are not being unreasonable, you're upset. But there is no post that will make you feel better for more than a few seconds or achieve anything.

You're a strong tough person to have got through all of that and I applaud you and hope you have a lovely xmas Day with your child (who is lucky that they had such a tough mum when their loser dad walked out).

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 25/12/2017 06:32

Don’t post anything on FB and don’t look at his FB. Move on. Have a great Christmas

TheSquashyHatOfMrGnosspelius · 25/12/2017 06:57

Bide your time love, the picture will change. Trust me.

Louiselouie0890 · 25/12/2017 07:06

I agree with other. It will most likely end the same way

wednesdayswench · 25/12/2017 07:11

That poor woman and child, they are probably only beginning to go through what you already have.

You are free, you survived and are building a life with your DC. You are the winner here.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 25/12/2017 07:30

I hope you're feeling a bit better now Lovely, and that you managed to get some sleep.
For you, the only way is up, it may be a slow climb, but you'll get there.
Wishing you and your little one, a very 'Merry Christmas'.

TheRottweiler · 25/12/2017 07:38

It's not ALWAYS true that once a bastard always a bastard.

People can move on, meet the RIGHT person, change their lives around.

As much as you want them to always be a bastard, doesn't mean they always will be.

I have been with my hubby for nearly 23 years - he had just left a terrible marriage - he WAS a bastard.

But we met and he willingly changed :)

His ex wife was a bitch - she also met someone else within months of us getting together - they are still married 22 years later also.

So happy endings can just be round the corner - just takes the right person at the right time :)

juneau · 25/12/2017 08:12

So would you want him back OP? Would you wish to have that shit back in your life? Do you envy this new woman who is now dealing with it? Another DC who he's created and may walk out on?

Living well is the best revenge, even if he doesn't know anything about you or your life now. He's history. He's a shit. He's a loser alcoholic. Be grateful today that he is no longer in your life, fucking it up and making you and your DC miserable. He's nothing to you now. Don't waste your headspace on him. Just enjoy today with your DC and raise a glass to yourself for the lovely, stable home you're providing for your DC with no help from him. His perfect new life won't be so perfect behind the FB photo, I guarantee.

TwuntTown · 25/12/2017 09:58

TheRottweiler yes, I imagine people can change. But when it comes to abandoning your child/ren and evading maintainance that's an entirely different matter isn't it! I'm assuming your dh didn't do this?

Thedietstartsnow · 25/12/2017 10:13

Breathe a sigh of relief honey...she now will face all you did..I'd be feeling sorry for her,and you should be proud of yourself.you don't need him in your life ruining it x

YeahRightOk · 25/12/2017 10:18

if he did it to you then he'll do it to her.
she has got herself the wooden spoon for Xmas. remember that.

Lizzie48 · 25/12/2017 10:22

If it's so upsetting to see him moving on with his life, and of course it's galling, then why look at his profile on Facebook? Just unfriend him and leave him in the past where he belongs.

And what will a negative post achieve? You'll just look petty and as though you want him back. Don't give him the satisfaction.

Ellendegeneres · 25/12/2017 10:35

I've got one like this.. but I'm sad for the dc that loses out, not angry or anything else.
So the new kid gets the dad in their life- your dc will grow up knowing that you did it all, and believe me when they are old enough, you'll be the one your dc loves and remembers for being there, never walking when times are tough.
Just trust that you're doing all you can and doing amazing with it. Merry Christmas x

Justaboy · 25/12/2017 10:39

Rise up and above all the social media shite and stand proud:)

There, simple isnt it:-)

Honeycombcrunch · 25/12/2017 10:44

Block him on Facebook and assume that history will repeat itself within a few years. Some people do change but it's after they've accepted they were at fault and done something about it. This man has continued to lie and is ignoring his child while blaming you. He's a classic abuser and his new partner will see the bad side of him pretty quickly.

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