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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My dh is an inconsiderate arse

61 replies

whatisforteamum · 24/12/2017 20:44

Just so upset and fed up of his behaviour.I've had to work lots the last few weeks while keeping an eye on DM since Dad died in September.This will be our first Christmas without df.To make matters worse I'm working Christmas day.I told dh I was off tonight.Get a text he has gone out with mates!!! He sees them more and more.This week he has golf and a few days away at the coast where df lives.He needs a break.......so stressed and angry.

OP posts:
PersianCatLady · 25/12/2017 08:54

You aren't getting anything positive from this relationship so I think it is time to LTB

whatisforteamum · 29/12/2017 17:21

Sadly he won't apologise he did give me flowers.He went golfing with his mate then to our DDs for a break.I can't believe my lifemhas come to this.Thank you for your kind words.

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 29/12/2017 22:44

Fuck him!

Take back your life, create your own happiness.

How dare he treat you so very badly.

Mxyzptlk · 30/12/2017 00:44

A bunch of flowers doesn't make up for how he's been acting, especially as he won't apologise.

whatisforteamum · 30/12/2017 09:52

His attitude is he doesn't apologise e end if he stands on someone's foot!!I would always apologise.TBH he said he did but I didn't hear it.Anyway how can he apologise for ruining Xmas if he didn't know what he said.Luckily for me my lovely Dad was a.true gentleman and would never ever behave like this.At least I have a fine example of how men should behave.

OP posts:
Twoo · 30/12/2017 10:05

Inconsiderate behaviour is leaving the toilet seat up. What your DH is doing is loveless and disrespectful. Sorry you’re going through this as well as grieving op. This time of year seems to magnify sadness & loss Flowers

whatisforteamum · 30/12/2017 10:34

Thanks.I'm working all hours so no time to grieve.everyone seems to think three months on I should be OK.mostly I am a case of having to be.

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whatisforteamum · 30/12/2017 13:13

The stress he has caused me by having a holiday is immense.I won't ever forgive him. :(

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 30/12/2017 15:23

Three months long enough to grieve a beloved parent? What have they been smoking? My dad has been gone 18 years and I still miss him. Life has gone on and thinking of him now brings more smiles than sadness, but I still miss him.

I know you say you're working long hours. But allow yourself to grieve, even if only for a few minutes a day. Grieving doesn't always mean sitting down and allowing emotion to rush over you until you've exhausted it. A passing thought, a quiet tear, a whispered prayer, these are all grieving. And then you take a deep breath and give yourself a shake and move on with your day.

I still think your 'd'H doesn't add anything positive to your life. But it is your life and your decision to make. However you need to make that decision with a clear and calm head. Not only to be sure it's right for you emotionally, but so that any plans to leave can be made with cold logic rather than in the heat of hurt and pain.

whatisforteamum · 30/12/2017 17:41

Thanks across the pond.I have a memory box which I took out today and cried at.! My dad was such a great man with wise words everyone loved and respected him.
Yes my colleagues think I should it mention him and one said when his df died he cried once then got on with life.I think all things considered I've done well to start a.new job and only have one week off.I always go in with a positive attitude.Grief is hushed up in this country.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 30/12/2017 18:06

You're welcome. My dad was a wonderful man, too. Makes it even harder!

As far as mentioning him at work, I did off and on and it made me shed a tear or two more than once! I had coworkers who were sympathetic and would hand me a tissue and a hug and others who would roll their eyes. So be it. People grieve differently. If your coworker cried once then got on with life, well bully for her/him. Obvs one can't spend a half day crying in the loo, but the occasional few minutes worth of tears shouldn't be criticized, especially at three months! I'm sorry if your coworkers aren't being kind to you. It's a poor reflection on them, not you.

The US is a huge country and acceptable 'grief' here runs the gamut from hair tearing wailing to quiet stoicism, depending a lot on where you live. Once the funeral or whatever formalities are over, expressions of grief such as tears or sadness where I live is, I think, pretty much accepted as long as someone isn't throwing themselves about and sobbing.

We still shed a tear over Dad from time to time. Most recently when DS1 was at the (baseball) World Series. Dad's (and our) team was playing and I told DS1 that if his gramps was still alive he'd be right there with him. Ds1 replied "Mum, he IS right here with me".

Those we love never really leave us.

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