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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My dh is an inconsiderate arse

61 replies

whatisforteamum · 24/12/2017 20:44

Just so upset and fed up of his behaviour.I've had to work lots the last few weeks while keeping an eye on DM since Dad died in September.This will be our first Christmas without df.To make matters worse I'm working Christmas day.I told dh I was off tonight.Get a text he has gone out with mates!!! He sees them more and more.This week he has golf and a few days away at the coast where df lives.He needs a break.......so stressed and angry.

OP posts:

PersianCatLady · 24/12/2017 22:31

Did your DM scatter the ashes alone or with your share and who posted the photo?

BewareOfDragons · 24/12/2017 22:34

Don't waste another minute of your life with the asshole. It's too short. You know that.

Make plans to go.

Ginkypig · 24/12/2017 22:37

I'm thinking the same although I have absolutely no proof but suddenly treating you horribly while also spending lots of time away even to the detriment of important family events could be an indication that emotionally he is invested somewhere else.

To be honest at this very moment it doesn't matter the reason, the fact is he is treating you terribly at one of the lowest times of your life when you need him more than you probably have in many years and that is completely unnecessary and unacceptable!

You deserve better and at this moment better would be without him in your life.

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 24/12/2017 22:40

He is with the golf lads he just seems to be drawn to them.He said he hates doing all the chores....D's helps out.I'm getting up 7 am and home 1030.

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Original poster

whatisforteamum · 24/12/2017 22:41

Mum took one sis to scatter ashes.I'm 50 but beyond hurt.

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Original poster

whatisforteamum · 24/12/2017 22:44

Going across.to the. Church in a moment.I'm not religious but I sit there to think of my lovely polite Dad.Dgh said he would go...before no way now though.

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LizzieSiddal · 24/12/2017 22:46

Gosh you’ve had an awful time.

Your H should be going out of his way to support and help you, not being a complete bastard.

I hope you manage to get rid of him in the new year.

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 24/12/2017 22:49

Life isn't all about me apparently....i never see him as I work eves and weekends so I doubt it is about me.He messed up my 50th and almost went golfing.two days before df died.Dd persuaded him to go with me to the nursing home.df had cancer everywhere including his spine and brain.

OP posts:

JingsMahBucket · 24/12/2017 22:51

LTB.

Meeep · 24/12/2017 23:13

He's just making your life worse. He sounds awful, I'm so sorry he has spoilt your day like this.
Honestly leaving him looks like it would improve your life no end.

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 24/12/2017 23:17

I always think I have a roof over my head and a job....I don't need to be messed about is my 50th and other important occasions but shouting itch at me because I reminded him I'm off and fucj
King this fucking that.He told.me before he shouted at workmates but thought lads were being lads.You wouldn't believe how he spoke to me out of the blue....he has issues as.he never says what he thinks when I ask him.

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Original poster

whatisforteamum · 24/12/2017 23:20

Tbh he makes no attempt to lose weight and often dresses scruffily even D's has noticed.Why not end the relationship instead of getting drunk and abusive.!!

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bastardkitty · 24/12/2017 23:22

Honestly. Just LTB. He is horrible. You have one life. Start to live it x

Em308 · 24/12/2017 23:40

I'm very sorry you're going through such a hard time. You say he used to be great - it is a little known about after effect of heart attacks that some people have significant personality changes i.e. can become aggressive, nasty even, when they didn't used to be. Since my dads heart attack he is very irritable, has no patience, short tempered but above all can say some cruel things. He never used to be like this. This may be the reason he has changed? Or maybe not. But whatever the reason, you do not deserve to be treated in such a way x

LuxuryWoman2017 · 24/12/2017 23:42

Make 2018 your fresh start, away from this cunt who doesn't even like you.
I'm so sorry you're having a crap time but do sieze you life back, it will be so much better.

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 24/12/2017 23:52

Listen, my DH had acute cardiomyopathy. They gave him a 15% chance of surviving and told me to 'prepare myself'. He pulled through and it was considered a miracle.

My DH didn't turn into an asshole. He was a bit more sensitive and easily emotionally upset for awhile, but eventually he 'came back to himself'. So don't blame your DH's heart attack for his assholiness. If there was any 'personality change', perhaps it's just that he no longer feels like hiding who he's always been.

If you've been married 30 years, chances are your DC are either grown or nearly so. Time to start thinking for yourself and about yourself. Please don't spend the rest of your life with someone who treats you like shit. It's better to be alone than wishing you were.

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 25/12/2017 00:29

Thank you.D's told me I mention how many hours I'm doing and how dh has only got to work three days some weeks due to hols and now Christmas.
I don't deserve to walk on eggshells or be called a bitch.he said he won't apologise and I can ring like it or leave.fucking like it or leave.Bed now as work today.

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TunaSushi · 25/12/2017 00:35

He is selfish, he will struggle to find someone like you again, you deserve better.

Butterymuffin · 25/12/2017 00:40

Sorry he's being so shit OP. Is the house jointly owned or what is the situation? If your name's on it too, tell him he can go and if he chooses to stick around, he'll get as much consideration from you as you've got from him. Fresh start for the new year.

Motoko · 25/12/2017 00:53

Stop calling him DH. There's nothing "dear" about him, so he doesn't deserve the title. Just refer to him as H, if you can't call him wanker.

You don't deserve to be called names and you don't deserve this treatment, especially when you're mourning your dear dad (I'm sorry for your loss).

ineedaholidaynow · 25/12/2017 01:16

whatis I am so sorry for you
My DF died a few weeks after yours so we have crossed paths on the Bereavement board.

I am sitting here in tears because I cannot face Christmas Day without my DF. But my DH has been mainly supportive, he has had his moments, but nothing like this. Can't believe your "D"H is treating you so badly. My heart goes out to you.

Chesntoots · 25/12/2017 01:22

I think you've posted about him before, haven't you?

He is an arse and you should not be spoken to like that.

You have been together for a long time, but don't waste another 31 years on someone who thinks so little about you.

On another note, this is my second Christmas without my dad and it still hurts so sending love (can't do the flower thing, sorry...)

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 25/12/2017 06:43

Thank you.I have to pretend I don't think of Dad.Mum is the chief mourner and scattered his ashes with one dsis when were were all at work.I work with all men so have to pretend I'm over it.I think dh wants to do his own thing now.I always thought we would do more together now the house is paid for.we were on such a low income for decades.Now he thinks it isn't fair to do the chores....I think two weeks off he should as I'm doing long physical hours.Maybe we have drifted too far however I can't believe his behaviour.Shocking.His communication is very poor even dcs have mentioned it.I need to get driving again now my pa ic attacks have subsided.Thank you all.I didn't expect such a dreadful Xmas eve.I will see DM later.after work then it will be bedtime.

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TunaSushi · 25/12/2017 08:13

Take it easy when you get in from work, you deserve a good life.

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 25/12/2017 08:39

Thank you straight to bed for me.My dear Dad would be turning in his grave if he had one.

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