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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Please can someone talk to me

47 replies

Ikethebear · 23/12/2017 23:23

I can't work out how to post on anything but aibu. My 6 week old dd has been admitted to hospital with some sort of infection. She has been fussy and miserable since last night but I thought it was classic colic. We called 111 when her temp rose. She s ok I think but they did suspect meningitis or sepsis. I keep thinking how awful I was not to act sooner. She didn't have a rash or any classic signs. I keep imagining what could have happened. We are in a room and she's fast asleep on me. They don't seem as panicked as they were when we arrived but I can't believe I was so useless as to not realise she was so poorly

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melisma · 23/12/2017 23:26

I'm here, I'm listening. You are not terrible. You can only go on what you know at tbe time. What a stressful time for you. Sending you Flowers and an unmumsnetty hug. Hope your DD has a speedy recovery xx

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 23/12/2017 23:26

OP don’t beat yourself up. That’s motherhood. You’re caught between “am I making a fuss out of nothing?” and “shit I’m such a bad mother not to have noticed it”.

It’s a thin fucking line.

If DD is fine now there is no point in what ifs Flowers

ChasedByBees · 23/12/2017 23:27

I hope your daughter is OK. You did the best for her as she is now in hospital getting care and you called when her temperature rose - you weren't to know it was potentially serious. Please try not to worry about what might have been (easier said than done). Flowers

WhatABaklava · 23/12/2017 23:27

I am so sorry your baby is ill - and I hope she gets better very soon.

You have not, at all, been useless - please banish that thought. It will be really hard to think straight at the moment - but this is not your fault. You have taken her to the best place and they will be able to help her.

You are a great mum - you really are.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 23/12/2017 23:28

You and DD are in the best place now.

Blogwoman · 23/12/2017 23:28

So scary for you OP. Guilt comes with the territory of being a parent but please be kinder to yourself. It sounds like your judgments were entirely reasonable. Temperature up prompted you to call 111 - likely had you called sooner they wouldn’t have admitted her anyway. Glad you are in the hospital now & hope you & your DD are well cared for & that she is better soon Flowers

TeaDrinker2017 · 23/12/2017 23:29

Sounds like you acted pretty quickly to me and you trusted your instincts. Please don't beat yourself up. You are in the best place. Hope your DD is feeling better soon and that are not in hospital too long 💐

Italiangreyhound · 23/12/2017 23:29

You are in the right place. And you got her there. You did what you needed to do.

Please focus your energy on keeping we for her. You did the right thing.

Flowers
Ikethebear · 23/12/2017 23:29

She s got to have a lumbar puncture at some point tonight. She seems ok but I don't know what she should be like if you know what I mean. When we arrived at a and e the scene was like something from a film. It was the typical ' this happens to other people' moment. I should have protected her and I didn't though

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seriouslystumped · 23/12/2017 23:29

You are not useless. You did good by getting medical attention for your baby. I hope your little girl is ok x

Outnotdown · 23/12/2017 23:29

You did everything right. Don't beat yourself up. You got your baby help when it was needed. Go easy on yourself

estuarygirl · 23/12/2017 23:30

Hello. Please don't be hard on yourself. You are in exactly in the right place and the hospital staff will know what to do. I can offer sympathy as I spent a few fraught days and nights with my youngest years ago so I know how awful it is. Do you have any support yourself?

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 23/12/2017 23:32

What IfyouseeRitaMoreno said x 100.

You did protect her. You got her the care she needed and she will be fine. Parenting success story.

Bambamber · 23/12/2017 23:32

Don't be so hard on yourself, Sounds like you did exactly what you needed to and now she's in the best place. It's very easy to play the what if game, but you will only drive yourself mad. I know it's hard but try not to focus on what could have happened, but that she's being well looked after. I hope she makes a speedy recovery

Ikethebear · 23/12/2017 23:35

I'm on my own as dp is at home with our son. I feel so guilty. I'd been moaning in my head about what a shit nights sleep we'd had last night. I have had terrible pnd and anxiety since having my son 5 years ago and I don't seem to deal with stress that well

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Leyani · 23/12/2017 23:35

Oh god, I remember so well how I got a proper dressing down from the hospital docs for bringing ds in, severely wheezing, and saying it hadn't got better in an hour despite inhaler. Consultant said, in exactly these words 'well, that delay could have left you with a dead child'. previously bringing him in wheezing, I was treated like I was overconcerned. I felt awful, but that's what happens if NHS tries to ration care and make sure people do not overuse services. We aren't professionals and can't know, and should always feel like we can get seen if we're not sure.

Rainbowandraindrops67 · 23/12/2017 23:38

Have they given her antibiotics?

Have they checked her heart and taken bloods?

It’s really hard to tell serious illness in a 5 weeks old - there’s hardly any symptoms

Rainbowandraindrops67 · 23/12/2017 23:40

And yes, as mum, you are always in the wrong no matter what you do.

QueenAmongstMen · 23/12/2017 23:42

Oh OP

I'm a children's nurse and work on a ward for 0-2 year olds so seeing little babies come in with suspected sepsis is something I'm very familiar with.

Babies go downhill very quickly, one minute they seem fine and the next they aren't. On the plus side though they are also very, very good at bouncing back.

When any young baby presents to us with a fever it is PROTOCOL that sepsis has to be considered and that various tests have to be carried out, including babies. A lot of babies are started on antibiotics very quickly and again that's protocol in case there is an infection brewing not because the doctors all think that the baby has sepsis.

On our ward we treat them as sepsis until we know it's not because we'd rather treat an infection that isn't there than leave an infection to grow whilst tests are done and results are back as that can sometimes take 48 hours.

I have to say that in my experience an absolutely tiny percentage of babies actually do have sepsis or meningitis and it's more often that have a urinary infection or bronchiolitis and that's what causes the temperature.

The fact they don't seem as worried is also a very positive signs because if a baby is septic or meningitic they can deteriorate very quickly and I think you'd be surrounded by doctors.

Please, please don't feel guilty about anything, babies get poorly and identifying a poorly baby is very hard to do in some cases because it's not as if they can tell us they don't feel well.

You acted when her temperature rose...what more could you have done?

You are probably scared and shocked about what's happened but please go easy ok yourself and hopefully you'll both feel a lot brighter in the morning Flowers

Ikethebear · 23/12/2017 23:43

They've given iv antibiotics and taken loads of various tests. They've been brilliant and hugely thorough. She is due to have a lumbar puncture soon which makes me want to cry when I think about it. My dp is usually brilliant but very laid back and doesn't think anyone should go to the docs. He does have a tendency to think I'm hysterical at times which is why I had to insist we call 111. I have been desperate to avoid going downhill with my mental health again after having her as I was so unwell before I feel like I'm starting to wobble

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Ikethebear · 23/12/2017 23:45

I meant to say thank you all or your replies. It means a great deal

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MarmaladeIsMyJam · 23/12/2017 23:46

The exact same thing happened to my 6 week old. We had lumbar puncture etc, nothing showed up. Lots of antibiotics and calpol to bring temp down. She was in hospital for 10 days. One day the temp just broke and she was fine!

It’s terrifying though when you are there. She is now 14 and stomping around upstairs.

Seacow87 · 23/12/2017 23:48

Please dont be hard on yourself op. You got help at the right time. Hope your wee one recovers soon.
If it offers any comfort, i am medical and i pitched my daughter up to walk in, made no fuss and happily took a seat. When we were called through about an hour later we were taken to resus. You will always think should i have done something else!

Rainbowandraindrops67 · 23/12/2017 23:50

Its a hugely stressful thing you ate going through. Stop doubting yourself. Even the most mentally robust mother would be having a wobble right now.
My baby they talked about a lumbar puncture but she improved so didn’t need it after all - it might not happen yet
Be easier on yourself! And most oh’s don’t get how sick babies are. You did the right thing - you followed your instinct

Ikethebear · 23/12/2017 23:51

She's snoring away now and I'm on the most uncomfortable seat in the nhs. I know the nhs is on its knees but my god I'm grateful for it tonight. Thank you everyone x

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