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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU?

58 replies

MusicToMyEars800 · 23/12/2017 23:10

Ok, to start I know I am playing with fire starting my thread in this topic, but here I go!

Aibu in thinking my DP is being a knob by refusing to skip his gym sessions when they fall on Christmas day and boxing day?

He is adamant he is going, even though I want him to be at home with me and the DD's for those days, just having the days off to enjoy our family, good food and drink. Sad
So I will be alone with me and the dd's, and they will be asking where he is going and I will have to explain to them, And my eldest dd is old enough to question it and ask why he is going out and not staying at home with us. Angry

OP posts:
MissBax · 23/12/2017 23:34

I think you should have made this thread about his overall behaviour by the sound of it -
YANBU to be upset if he constantly shirks responsibility.
But YABU if you mind your OH doing something they enjoy on 25th December.

Original poster
MusicToMyEars800 · 23/12/2017 23:34

Isn't that what Christmas is about, spending time with your family stuffing delicious food into your belly and drinking good drinks and spending time with family either watching tv/films or playing games etc?

OP posts:
Original poster
MusicToMyEars800 · 23/12/2017 23:36

It's a case of he is happy to shirk it when he would rather go drinking with mates, but can't make an exception for xmas day with his family.

OP posts:
Original poster
MusicToMyEars800 · 23/12/2017 23:38

Miss That would be a very, very, very looong thread.

OP posts:
CrackersForlt · 23/12/2017 23:41

Sounds like your issue isn't so much him going to the gym at Xmas, but how he is generally. But you know, feel free to do Hmm faces at me without giving all the facts...

pinkhorse · 23/12/2017 23:45

I'll be going for a run xmas day as I do every year. I guess it's no different to that.

Original poster
MusicToMyEars800 · 23/12/2017 23:45

Crackers I won't be doing any Hmm faces unless I need to, It is how he is in generally, but just wanted to see if anyone else agreed with me in thinking it wouldn't kill him to skip his xmas day gym session, just one day, he could go boxing day if he really wanted to, I would just like the one day with him at home with us.

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Original poster
MusicToMyEars800 · 23/12/2017 23:48

It's very long and not easy to explain everything over MN, but he will pretty much go out 2 times a week and not come home those nights and will come back 2-3pm the next afternoon, it used to be even worse than that.

OP posts:
ilovepixie · 23/12/2017 23:49

So where does he go those nights?

Regularsizedrudy · 23/12/2017 23:51

He sounds like a boring bellend but I suppose you could suggest a compromise? If it’s 24 hour can’t he go when dc are in bed or before they get up?

TammySwansonTwo · 23/12/2017 23:52

Are you sure he's not having an affair? He's not doing all night gym sessions is he? Twice a week he's disappearing all night?

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 23/12/2017 23:52

Ah, OK, the problem is not the gym, the problem is that he doesn't give a monkeys about you or his children. You can't make someone care. You are getting angry about him not pretending to care. What is the point of him in your life?

Original poster
MusicToMyEars800 · 23/12/2017 23:54

Supposedly stays at a mates, we are quite young still I am 26 he is 27, out Dc's are 7 and 5, I understand he wants to go out and have lads time and I have allowed him to have that. But it's got to a point where I just feel that I deserver more! But I am stuck atm, literally!

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Original poster
MusicToMyEars800 · 23/12/2017 23:57

Run I am trying to figure this shit out myself, we got together when I was 15, so now I am trying to figure things out, I love him, but am fed up with not having any respect, being treated like a maid, cook etc, and beign made feel like the villain all the time, but he is the main earner, I don't have any money, nowhere I can go etc

OP posts:
overnightangel · 24/12/2017 00:00

Drip feed is draining
Meh

Original poster
MusicToMyEars800 · 24/12/2017 00:03

over I am not drip feeding on purpose, it's just if I were to put thoe whole story in the OP it would be a book long, and I didn't want to put people off of reading it. It honestly is very long and difficult to put across over text Confused I hope that makes sense.

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pastabakewithcheese · 24/12/2017 00:04

Do you think since he became a dad so early on, he feels as if he's missed his youth, so to speak?

Not condoning his behaviour, but maybe after 10 years he's got a different way of thinking? I know I've changed in the last 10 years when it comes to my relationship and what I wanted 10 years ago is not what I want now.

Instead of pinpointing this Xmas gym session to talk about, talk to him about how he feels about family life at the minute? 2 kids is a hell of a lot of work especially in early 20s and maybe he's got a different outlook to you.

HashiAsLarry · 24/12/2017 00:05

I gym Monday and Thursday morning. Guess where I'll be Monday?

That's right, face down in a tub of heroes and swigging bucks fizz. Its Christmas ffs.

ItsYuleyme · 24/12/2017 00:06

I'm sorry MusicToMyEars but when you mentioned about him going out twice a week and not coming home until 2-3pm the next day, it sounds quite suspicious to me.
I don't want to upset you but I could practically guarantee he's having an affair. Have you ever checked out if his car is actually outside the gym when he rushed out and leaves you and dc at home?
Also I'd be checking out this mate where he's supposedly sleeping twice a week.

Original poster
MusicToMyEars800 · 24/12/2017 00:07

We've spoken about it and it just goes round in circles, I've told him he is not chained to me, I am not forcing him to stay, but he insists that he wants to be here for the DD's, he wants to see them every night. I am confused as to how he feels about me, but whenever we try to talk about it, it ends up in an argument and because of past events I feel anxious and too scared to carry on with the discussion/argument.

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Original poster
MusicToMyEars800 · 24/12/2017 00:09

He doesn't drive, I've never met any of his friends or colleagues in 12-13 years and his phone is glued to him with fingerprint unlock...
I am not completely stupid, but I have 2 children to thin about at the moment, and money is dire too.

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ItsYuleyme · 24/12/2017 00:14

Ok! So you pretty much know then!

MissBax · 24/12/2017 00:15

He stays out till the next afternoon?
I guarantee he's got a drug habit there, OP.

Huppopapa · 24/12/2017 00:18

Nothing about this sounds good. But he is who he is and you are not going to get anything to change between now and Monday. If it's possible, just forget about it and have a great time with the children. Luckily it is quite a short holiday this year.

Not for nothing is the first week in January known in family law circles as 'issue week': it is when the largest number of divorce petitions are issued because things like this come to a head: the one time in the year when family should be prioritised, it hurts especially bad when it is not. I don't see that another woman has to be involved: it is enough that he is just very selfish and appears to have you exactly where it is convenient for him. You say that you don't know what he feels about you, but even if that is true (and his actions are quite eloquent) ask yourself what you feel about living like this. You got together when you were very young so you might not have the habit of thinking like that, but you really can: you really can insist on better.

Now I know your options sound limited, but they don't sound as if they are going to get much better by waiting. Might I suggest you seek some legal advice in the new year?

Crispbutty · 24/12/2017 00:23

“but he insists that he wants to be here for the DD's, he wants to see them every night.”

Except on the two nights a week he doesn’t come home when he is with someone else.

I’m sorry love but he’s with someone on those nights and it’s not his mates.

Get rid of him.

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