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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate my 1 year old?

45 replies

OlafCarrotNose · 23/12/2017 22:40

I know I am but I can't stop.

He doesn't sleep. Or he does but only in our bed and you have to stop him trying to crawl/ stand every 5 minuites. It takes an hour to get him to sleep at night. (7-8). That might not sound too bad, but then he's awake EVERY NIGHT an hour or two later and takes another 2-3 hours to settle. Again you have to lie with him in bed and stop him crawling/ trying to stand. By the time he's finally asleep I'm ready for bed myself.

He's in a good routine. He wakes at 7. Has a nap at 10:30 and another nap at 2:30. He seems tired at bedtime and gets overtired if he stays up any later.

What the hell do I do? I hate that I don't know how to fix it. I hate that I get no time to myself. I hate that I find myself wishing that he was a different (easier) baby. Please help.

OP posts:

GemmaB78 · 23/12/2017 22:44

Been there, done that, got the grey hair to prove it. You get through, one day at a time, muttering "it's just a phase", "this too shall pass" and other bullshit platitudes. I know it feels shit when you you are in the middle of it, but I promise you, it will end. Our "sleep is for wimps" baby is now 2.5, and happily goes to bed. If you had told me this a year ago, I wouldn't have believed you.

Nannyplumbrocks · 23/12/2017 22:45

Get a sleep trainer. Best money I ever spent

putdownyourphone · 23/12/2017 22:46

Sleep training. Best thing ever.

Onecreamteatoomany · 23/12/2017 22:47

1 year olds are bloody hard work. Out of the knackering tiny baby age but want to stand/walk/ move about all the time I feel your pain, both of my dc were tricky to get to sleep. Easy for me to say but just keep repeating to yourself this is just a phase... I promise it will get easier and you will have more time to yourself soon!

SleepyHeadThisTime · 23/12/2017 22:48

I know it sounds harsh but controlled crying and stop bringing him into your bed. It's hard but sleep is important for you and him. It's not nice but it works and quickly. Also does he have a lovey or a dummy - something to soothe him?

Loverunandwine · 23/12/2017 22:48

Get a sleep trainer!!!! Totally worth the cost xxx

CrossFreelancer · 23/12/2017 22:50

Can you do cry it out (to some extent)?
We left DS (at 10 months) to cry one night, but it worked and he's only woken up a handful of times since.
Be tough to be kind. Your DC will sleep better in future and so will you.

Original poster

OlafCarrotNose · 23/12/2017 22:51

He does have a dummy and we have tried and failed at controlled crying. He shares a room with DS1 which makes things more difficult. We did move things around so DS1 was in our room for a bit while we attempted to sort DS2 out. But unless in our bed he just screams and screams.

I would love to pay for sleep training but we really can't afford it.

OP posts:

CrossFreelancer · 23/12/2017 22:52

Ah that's difficult if he shares a room with a sibling. Is there any way around this?
Cot on the landing? Until he starts sleeping?

MrsBonato · 23/12/2017 22:53

Can you drop a nap? I found dropping one nap helped a bit but he still woke in the night, once. He slept through at 2 though and went from being a kid who was awful with sleep to doing 12-13 hour nights which were bliss!

givemesteel · 23/12/2017 22:54

That sounds tough OP, you must be exhausted.

Firstly things first, do you have a partner? If so work out a, way to both share the load so you can both get a proper night's sleep, seperate rooms for now sounds necessary. Or if not can a relative come and give you a couple of nights off just to regain your sanity.

I would ring your health visitor and / or book some sessions with a sleep consultant if you can afford (go without something else if necessary to get some good advice). I think you need some advice on how to teach your baby to sleep independently and self soothe a bit (I'm not suggesting controlled crying etc, there's lots of techniques).

If you do feel like you hate your baby please please go and see your gp about potential post natal depression.

I assume you've already tried shorter naps or dropping one of the naps to see if he's more sleepy at bedtime?

SleepyHeadThisTime · 23/12/2017 22:54

Can ds1 stay at grandparents/a friends or even in a temporary bed in your room for 2/3 days while you break the back of it? It's difficult if they're sharing a room

Original poster

OlafCarrotNose · 23/12/2017 22:55

We life in a tiny 2 bed flat so no landing to speak of. I hope you're all right and it's just a phase. It feels like he's a demon baby at the moment.

OP posts:

GlitteryFluff · 23/12/2017 22:55

Is there something ‘wrong’ with that room compared to your room?
Ie too cold? Too hot? An annoying noise? Does the older one wake him up with snoring or tossing and turning?

Have you tried white noise, leaving on all night if need be? Does he wake up because he’s lost his dummy? Can you put lots in the cot so he can find them? What about a projector to project patterns onto ceiling? We used a Winnie the Pooh one that had music too, which would automatically switch on when there was any noise, and switch off after 15mins or so. If he woke up during the night that would switch on and he’d be watch it and nod back off again.

Original poster

OlafCarrotNose · 23/12/2017 22:58

Spoken to DH and told how upset I am. We do take it in turns when he's home but it means we never spend any time with each other. DH says I don't hate DS, I hate the situation and I know he's right.

OP posts:

Lentilbaby · 23/12/2017 22:59

What is a sleep trainer?

Coastalcommand · 23/12/2017 23:00

Ours is stuck to me like glue. Sleeps on my lap in the evenings while I watch TV (9-11pm) then in our bed from 11pm-9am. Breastfeeds in the night as needed, but I mostly stay dozing. It wouldn't work for everyone but it works for us.

user1500124076 · 23/12/2017 23:00

This is probably a stupid question as I'm sure you've been over it a long time ago, but have you tried really, REALLY knackering him out a couple hours before bed? The kind of energy burn where he hits the pillow and sleeps like the dead.

thecatsarecrazy · 23/12/2017 23:00

Does he really need 2 naps? My 11 month old wont sleep if he has to long a nap. Some days he doesn't nap at all

Original poster

OlafCarrotNose · 23/12/2017 23:00

He just spends the whole time in his cot crawling around crying or standing up and crying. It's what he does in bed but we are there to lie him back down. And he does this thing where he has to be scratching the back of your hand to fall asleep. We have tried so many different snuggle toys and he throws them all out of the bed/ cot.

OP posts:

Original poster

OlafCarrotNose · 23/12/2017 23:01

Yes, we tire him out before bed. We tried cutting second nap out and moving first one later. It made him even worse and took longer to settle.

OP posts:

SleepyHeadThisTime · 23/12/2017 23:02

Do you feed him overnight?

wonderstar1216 · 23/12/2017 23:03

I am you. I'm currently lying on a camp bed in the boys room so if ds2 wakes up I can quickly soothe and hopefully he won't wake ds1 on the top bunk. I'm going to move myself further away each night and then fingers crossed I'll be able to sleep in my own bed again. Our problem is ds2 will not sleep early. 10:15 tonight.

Original poster

OlafCarrotNose · 23/12/2017 23:04

No he dropped milk overnight a while ago. We might try again with the one longer nap thing.

He's difficult in other ways too- won't eat much/ a variety of food.

OP posts:

TammySwansonTwo · 23/12/2017 23:07

Oh I get you. My twins are 15 months now and truly horrific sleepers. I swear one of them has some sort of sleep disorder - many days he doesn't nap at all. They wake up constantly through the night and will not sleep without having milk first. They won't even lie down in our bed so can't even do that. They just don't want to be asleep. Most nights they tag team us, some nights they'll be awake for a good three hour stretch in the night.

During the day, at the moment one has been a little angel for a while but the other has been frustrated, angry, clingy, won't be put down. Now the other has decided he wants to be held all the time too. We've had a month where they and we have been constantly sick. Spent Thursday morning at the hospital as one of them severely scratched my eyeball by hitting me in the eye.

I am holding on to the fact it has to get better. It has to. We've had two or three days this month where one or the other has only woken up once so it does seem like they are starting to figure it out. Although honestly now it's even more annoying because I KNOW they can do it.

We have no family around or close friends so it's just us and we are so done. I've been close to a breakdown more times than I can count. But today my little twin (who's had a very hard short life so far with serious health issues and long hospital stays) chose to cuddle me properly, many times, then sat up and looked at me and gave me the biggest grin. The other finds me far funnier than I actually am. They're turning into little people and that makes it all easier to manage.

Hang in there - if you have help to hand, take it. If not, know it will pass.

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