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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate my 1 year old?

45 replies

OlafCarrotNose · 23/12/2017 22:40

I know I am but I can't stop.

He doesn't sleep. Or he does but only in our bed and you have to stop him trying to crawl/ stand every 5 minuites. It takes an hour to get him to sleep at night. (7-8). That might not sound too bad, but then he's awake EVERY NIGHT an hour or two later and takes another 2-3 hours to settle. Again you have to lie with him in bed and stop him crawling/ trying to stand. By the time he's finally asleep I'm ready for bed myself.

He's in a good routine. He wakes at 7. Has a nap at 10:30 and another nap at 2:30. He seems tired at bedtime and gets overtired if he stays up any later.

What the hell do I do? I hate that I don't know how to fix it. I hate that I get no time to myself. I hate that I find myself wishing that he was a different (easier) baby. Please help.

OP posts:

pastabest · 23/12/2017 23:11

Have you tried making his bed time earlier? DD 11 months is in a similar sounding routine but goes up for a bath by 6 every night without fail (she is usually filthy) and is in bed by 6.30 - 6.45.

Very occasionally she will wake again around 8.30pm (often if she has missed a nap/bottle that day or gone to bed overtired/over stimulated.

The other possibility is that it's apparently quite normal for babies to have a sleep regression when they start walking?

Herewegoagain01 · 23/12/2017 23:12

I’m totally there will you. I put DC to bed at 8, then my DS3 (10 months) bf to sleep in our bed. Still wakes up 3-4 times for milk, and he knows the second I get up so icant even sneak off to the loo easily. No advice, just know you aren’t alone!

Original poster

OlafCarrotNose · 23/12/2017 23:13

He's not walking yet but has stated coasting around the furniture. Maybe that is it. But he's been a rubbish sleeper since birth!

OP posts:

Original poster

OlafCarrotNose · 23/12/2017 23:15

Tammy ouch! Hope your eye is on the mend. for you. I'm going to make it has to get better my mantra too. It can't get much worse anyway.

OP posts:

Coastalcommand · 23/12/2017 23:17

I can understand it from an evolutionary viewpoint - they are programmed to only sleep near their mother to keep them safe from predators. Sensible logic, but not really in keeping with how we live nowadays, sleeping separately etc.

TammySwansonTwo · 23/12/2017 23:20

Yep, I hear that. It's so hard isn't it? For mine it's the milk addiction and I guess for you it's the sleeping together thing - I'm just doing what we need to do to survive and will figure out the rest later (that's my other mantra).

He really did a number on me, I'm telling you. He did the same thing when he was tiny but nothing like this bad - this time all four fingernails flying into my eyeball full force. Apparently it's a nasty injury and it's taking its time to improve. Merry bloody Christmas!

It will get better. It will. It won't be like this forever. An earlier night may possibly help - mine gradually got moved back to 6pm as they were over tired and irritable after that. Does he sleep in a cot at all or only with you?

pastabest · 23/12/2017 23:21

DD was a rubbish sleeper from birth as well. She was waking 3 times a night up until 8 months old.

She then started walking at 8.5 months old and we had a few weeks of horrible awful sleep, and then it just s med to click and she now mainly sleeps through.

She is extremely active though and like a bouncy dog needs a lot of physical activity during the day, although we try and keep the hour between supper and bed time as calm as possible (another reason for the nightly bath).

She wakes us up again at 6am with enthusiastic cot trampolining (she's still in our room due to inertia over moving her out) but I'm happy to take that in comparison to what we had previously.

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 23/12/2017 23:23

I feel your pain OP. It will get better - either time or you have to try controlled crying again. It will be horrific given he is 1 and will cry louder and longer than a 6mth old, but even worse the older he gets.

One day this will all be just a memory.

phoenix1973 · 23/12/2017 23:31

Consider dropping one of the naps and try to get out of the habit of him coming into your bed (unless he is ill).

LouHotel · 23/12/2017 23:36

My 18 month has just started going through the night on a regular basis. She was waking 5 times a night up until 12 months, i found once she learned to walk she seemed to settle quicker as if she'd reached the accomplishment she wanted.

Try to be kind to yourself and DS - i do think it sounds like he's ready to transition to one nap and for a couple of weeks its really shit as they can only go an hour longer in the morning and then crash at 5pm. I would try for two weeks to see if it might make him go down easier at night.

Outnotdown · 23/12/2017 23:41

Sometimes babies are just shit sleepers and it's nobodys fault, you just have to live through it. All 4 of mine were very poor sleepers, and i have hated all of them, just for a short time, when i was feeling desperate and inadequate and helpless.

Personally i blame genetics. All of the children on my husband's side were poor sleepers, though the parenting styles are very different.

You try everything and when nothing works it is a very bad feeling.

It changes. It feels like it never will and then it does and the sun comes back out. Hang in there.

MsAmerica · 23/12/2017 23:56

Anybody try this book?

www.happiestbaby.com/blogs/blog/the-5-s-s-for-soothing-babies

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 24/12/2017 00:07

I would take ds for a walk it tired me out and fresh air made him sleepy

Is a hassle and seems like old fashioned advice but many of us get little fresh air though I wouldn’t leave a child in the garden in a pram but it is still done in some countries

ImAMarshmellow · 24/12/2017 06:16

We had this with ds up until about a month ago. We did controlled crying, it was hard work and at 2am when he woke up we nearly gave up, but he now sleeps through and only wakes if he's had a poo at night. He now naps in his cot as well.
1 year olds are awful.

KrisCringleWinterWonderland · 24/12/2017 06:23

I've woken up angry with a headache on the way because my nearly one year old likes to torture me all night, too. He is teething but his sleep has generally gotten worse as he's grown. I feel tortured.

I need to get him a slightly larger sleeping bag, which he can't really crawl in. Would that help your baby to stop crawling around so much?

HerrHerrHerr · 24/12/2017 06:29

Our eldest was like this. We used to end up taking her out in the car at 4am so she could get some sleep. It gradually improved for us and now aged 3 she’ll sleep 8-7. Dropping the nap was a milestone.

Hope it gets better for you soon.

Liskee · 24/12/2017 06:42

Sleep train with older DC in the room. At that age it shouldn’t take longer than a week and chances are your older DC will sleep right through it. Just explain Baby is learning how to go to sleep. He’s not very happy about it so is crying,but he’s okay and mummy and daddy are looking after him and teaching him to sleep.

I have personal experience of this so know it can be done!

Hjo123 · 24/12/2017 06:44

I had one of those. We tried the whole controlled crying thing and it nearly killed me - far far worse than a wriggling moaning toddler beside us all night. I'd gone back to work full time when he was 3 months old and can still feel that sense of constant exhaustion. We just rode it out and he gradually got better, although has never really needed much sleep. A health visitor told me it was a sign of intelligence but thats probably not much consolation (and not true)

TheHolidayArmadillo · 24/12/2017 06:50

I feel your pain. He sounds a lot like DD (2y8m). She would only ever sleep next to me until her second birthday, and then I had to stay near her and gradually retreat towards the door until the clocks went back and it was dark enough in the room that she wouldn’t realise that me closing the door over was once I was out the room. If she gets spooked (not feeling 100%, DS starts messing about asking for drinks) she won’t want to go to her own bed.

So you have my sympathy. We just had to wait for it to pass :/ it will pass

BeakyPlinder · 24/12/2017 07:07

Sounds like a very hard situation OP. My little boy also loves standing up in his bloody cot all night long but also wanted feeding back to sleep 5+ a night so we had to do CC. After 3 days of hell he now is a lot better. Can self settle and just eventually sits himself down and goes to sleep. Can you send sibling to grandparents for a few nights and just go for it with CC?

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