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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would this bother you?

39 replies

TheRoadLessRocky · 23/12/2017 21:44

Last night, there was a family gathering. Not close family, but DW's extended family, people she isn't close to nor particularly likes. It seems a bit impromptu, DSD was invited but DW wasn't, and DW working into the evening anyway. DW said she wasn't bothered about going anyway. I wouldn't have gone as we have a 2 year old and baby sitting isn't on tap. She goes out with them sometimes and I generally don't go, I'm not bothered about that.

I went to bed just before midnight, DW stayed up with some beer as she often does. Elsest DSD was at the family do, the other two DSCs were at home in bed (they are older teens, not little kids). Our DD who is 2 was also in bed asleep. DW didn't come to bed until at least 4am, I assumed she had fallen asleep on couch.

This morning I was talking to DSD about last night and it turns out that after I was asleep, DW went to this family gathering. It was about 10 miles away, so she must have got a taxi after I'd gone to sleep. She didn't text me to say she'd gone out (I put my phone on silent at night and she often texts me when I'm asleep, so knows it won't disturb me). She still hasn't mentioned that she went. If DSD hadn't have said, I wouldn't even know. From what I can gather, she was out from about 12am-4amish.

Aibu to think she should have at the least text me to say she'd gone? What happens if there was a house fire, or if I'd randomly woken up for a drink/wee and found her not home?

OP posts:
BubbaLips · 23/12/2017 21:46

who was there for your 2 year old?

TheRoadLessRocky · 23/12/2017 21:49

Me.

OP posts:
GreggsSausageRolls · 23/12/2017 21:52

Bit bizarre. Can't think of a good reason why I wouldn't tell hubby if I was going out at that time and hadn't planned to go out either.

AuntLydia · 23/12/2017 21:53

The secrecy would, yes. How odd. I'd be wondering what that's all about.

PurpleDaisies · 23/12/2017 21:53

That’s really odd behaviour.

Are you sure she went to the family gathering?

TheRoadLessRocky · 23/12/2017 21:55

She definitely went, I've heard from dsd, my sil and it was mentioned on fb.

OP posts:
Ameliablue · 23/12/2017 21:55

Yes, that's a bit odd.

Trialsmum · 23/12/2017 21:57

Yes that’s really weird!

brizzledrizzle · 23/12/2017 21:57

Maybe she changed her mind, either wAy she should have told you.

TheRoadLessRocky · 23/12/2017 22:01

I'm not bothered that she went, so if she changed her mind, that's fine. But to not say, at least from a safety point of view, so I knew she wasn't in the house, that's bothering me. DD could have taken ill, or anything, and I'd be having to hunt her down/worry on top of dealing with whatever I had to deal with. A long shot, I know, but I just think its quite selfish and thoughtless to just leave without letting me know.

OP posts:
letsdolunch321 · 23/12/2017 22:01

Ask her why she didn’t text/mention it to you!

As mentioned earlier what would have happened had there been an emergency at home.

What kind of person doesn’t tell anyone Hmm

mrsBeverleyGoldberg · 23/12/2017 22:03

That's really strange. Why didn't she mention it? Why wait until you went to bed?

Whisky2014 · 23/12/2017 22:04

Yeh I think it's weird. But maybe she had one too many beers and just decided to go and didn't want to wake you? But Yeh...weird.

ladygracie · 23/12/2017 22:04

Is it possible that she woke you up to tell you but you don’t remember? I have had conversations with both my kids before when they were half asleep that they have no memory of in the morning.

TheRoadLessRocky · 23/12/2017 22:08

Lady its unlikely, I'm deaf so to speak to me, you have to wake me fully so I can put the light on and my hearing aid in. And then I'd be wide awake. So I know she wouldn't want to do that, but a text so I'd see it if I got up and wondered where she was.

I'm going to ask her in a bit, will report back.

OP posts:
Rainbunny · 23/12/2017 22:18

I'd be annoyed by that as well, as you say OP it's not that she went but that she didn't let you know since you would be the sole adult in the home with sleeping children. My only guess is that it was a last minute decision made under the influence of alcohol and maybe she's feeling a bit embarrassed or ashamed for some reason? Perhaps she didn't wake you because she was tipsy or drunk and thought you would not want her to go? Honestly I'd just ask her straight out.

dancingqueen345 · 23/12/2017 22:24

If you are deaf why put your phone on silent? HmmOr am I missing the point? 😂

SilverDoe · 23/12/2017 22:25

That is just so weird I can't imagine her thought process there. Surely if she didn't want to wake you she could have text you (knowing it wouldn't disturb you) so if you did wake up and notice her gone, it would have been obvious where. Totally weird to just disappear in the middle of the night without saying anything.

FlashTheSloth · 23/12/2017 22:27

I'd be annoyed by that. She should have had the courtesy to let you know. What if she had been in some sort of accident on the way home. You would have had no idea.

TheRoadLessRocky · 23/12/2017 22:28

Grin dancingqueen So it doesn't wake others, but I also take vibrate off and turn it over so the notification light doesn't irritate me in the night unless I want to turn it over and look at it. I guess 'put in on silent' in my op was shorthand for all that! Does sound silly when you read it at face value!

OP posts:
CremeFresh · 23/12/2017 22:29

I was wondering that Dancing

CremeFresh · 23/12/2017 22:30

Did she think you wouldn't find out ?

dancingqueen345 · 23/12/2017 22:31

Sorry, I'm being facetious.

Have you asked her yet?!

Plantlover · 23/12/2017 22:31

How would your child let you know they needed you?

froshiechipandbrickie · 23/12/2017 22:32

I think I’d be very worried and not necessarily annoyed / bothered, tbh.