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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would this bother you?

39 replies

TheRoadLessRocky · 23/12/2017 21:44

Last night, there was a family gathering. Not close family, but DW's extended family, people she isn't close to nor particularly likes. It seems a bit impromptu, DSD was invited but DW wasn't, and DW working into the evening anyway. DW said she wasn't bothered about going anyway. I wouldn't have gone as we have a 2 year old and baby sitting isn't on tap. She goes out with them sometimes and I generally don't go, I'm not bothered about that.

I went to bed just before midnight, DW stayed up with some beer as she often does. Elsest DSD was at the family do, the other two DSCs were at home in bed (they are older teens, not little kids). Our DD who is 2 was also in bed asleep. DW didn't come to bed until at least 4am, I assumed she had fallen asleep on couch.

This morning I was talking to DSD about last night and it turns out that after I was asleep, DW went to this family gathering. It was about 10 miles away, so she must have got a taxi after I'd gone to sleep. She didn't text me to say she'd gone out (I put my phone on silent at night and she often texts me when I'm asleep, so knows it won't disturb me). She still hasn't mentioned that she went. If DSD hadn't have said, I wouldn't even know. From what I can gather, she was out from about 12am-4amish.

Aibu to think she should have at the least text me to say she'd gone? What happens if there was a house fire, or if I'd randomly woken up for a drink/wee and found her not home?

OP posts:
TheRoadLessRocky · 23/12/2017 22:35

I use a vibrating baby monitor - I'm the sahm so I do night wakings anyway, so it's not that I wasn't going to be up for the 2 year old.

She's asleep on the couch, so haven't asked yet.

OP posts:
ladygracie · 23/12/2017 22:35

Ah I see. Then I would think it was odd. Hope you have spoken to her and got it all sorted now.

MoistCantaloupe · 23/12/2017 22:37

Do you think she hasn’t told you as feels guilty about going? And yes, it would definitely bother me if DH did this!

CrabappleCake · 23/12/2017 22:37

I think if I’d done that I’d have left a note...it’s odd.

MyKingdomForBrie · 23/12/2017 22:41

So she wasn’t invited but turned up anyway and left the house late at night without leaving a note/text - that’s very weird.

TheRoadLessRocky · 24/12/2017 00:21

She reckons she texted me but when I said she didn't, she checked and said it was written but unsent in her messages app.

OP posts:
Goldenhedgehogs · 24/12/2017 00:41

Sounds plausible to me, I have done that before. Does it seem legit to you?

topcat2014 · 24/12/2017 09:22

This is wierd - the only time I would leave my house after midnight would be to catch a plane etc.

I would find it v strange

lljkk · 24/12/2017 09:26

It's 10 miles away. Her relatives. No bfd.
Just ask her to make sure to let you know she's not in the house next time, so you don't worry if (heaven forbid) there's a fire & you have to do a headcount of escapees or similar.

ItMadeMyEyesWater · 24/12/2017 09:27

Good point, Plantlover

MaisyMary77 · 24/12/2017 09:41

I was just going to ask if maybe she had texted then forgot to press send. I’m always doing that! Very plausible.

TheRoadLessRocky · 24/12/2017 09:53

lljk did you read any of my posts - that's exactly what I was saying, not that I was bothered she went.

She said it was unsent in her app but didn't show me and when I asked how she locked the door (dsd had her keys) she said she texted one of the other teens to lock up after her. I said that they'd gone to sleep early so probably didn't see the text and she replied with 'ffs what's the big deal, I was only out a few hours, don't start having a go'.

Feel quite uncomfortable that I was asleep, unable to hear, and the door was unlocked most of the night. And that she dismissed it as nothing. The unsent text, I can understand, accidents happen.

OP posts:
froshiechipandbrickie · 24/12/2017 09:58

Seems plausible to me. I’ve done that more than once all the time

lljkk · 24/12/2017 14:22

We all make mistakes, Rocky. Point it out & move on.

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