To break a confidence.

[BangAndTheDirtyScone]

Sorry this is so vague. I won't be adding any detail. I have name changed too obviously. A relative told me something in confidence about an institutional situation where children are being treated badly. Not physically harmed but discriminated against and scared and sidelined and denied their rights. Their parents don't know.

The trouble is that there is a cover up. The institution isn't accepting the situation's gravity despite it being known about by the higher ups and nothing is set to change. The same man who yells at and ignores these kids while their parents think they're being cared for will stay in charge. I'm sorry I can't provide more explanation of the specifics.

My relative has a personal involvement in the situation and is adamant it should remain secret (but has told me obviously).

WIBU to tell more people about it just so that the truth comes to light? Specifically an independent influential person with the power to make sure things change?

Is it ok to break a confidence to make a situation better for children facing bad treatment though not physical harm? Is it ok to secretly manoeuvre to have this man sacked?

You don’t have to “secretly” manouvre, but yes, tell the board member(s) and indeed the appropriate regulator.

Of course it’s ok to break this kind of confidence. You shouldn’t need to ask this question really.

Report the situation.

It sounds like a safeguarding issue. Definitely right to tell the necessary authorities.

Report report report. If there is some reason why you can't do anything direct, then contact social services, childline, nspcc or the press. You need to raise this.

It's likely that me breaking the confidence will make it obvious to everyone that the information came from my relative. With consequences for him and resentment from him to me. That's the complication.

When you're involved in any sort of Safeguarding situation the first thing you learn is to never promise not to tell.

Your relative should be invoking the whistle blowing policy. Sorry but anybody who knowingly keeps this sort of thing secret is in the same league as those who carry out the abuse imo

Well, too bad for your relative. The well- being of children who can't protect themselves trumps his desire to keep this a secret.

Well it may be a “complication” but if DC are being “yelled at and ignored” I don’t know how you can stay silent.

Your relative isn’t following the safeguarding or whistleblowing procedure: he would be U to be angry with you and his interests are secondary to the interests of the vulnerable children / young people being mistreated.

He's complicit if he knows but it keeping it secret.
Except he's not actually keeping it secret. He's told you. Maybe he wants it to get out but doesn't have the nerve to act himself?

The welfare of children comes before the feelings and sensitivities of adults. Every time.

Thanks everybody.

You should never allow someone to tell you something in confidence if you feel that you might not be able to keep it secret. Always tell them (before they tell you what it is) that you will keep it secret, provided they are not reporting a crime, or instance where someone is at risk of immediate harm.

Even the Samaritans will breach confidence if a caller is in immediate danger and incapable of obtaining help themselves.

I don't think any child is at risk of immediate harm. More at risk of a slow chronic build up of being treated offhandly and unkindly and like they're a PITA who should be better, by someone acting in loco parentis.

This sounds like a safeguarding issue, you have a duty to report and can be done in confidence
I suspect they told you in the hope you would report it.
I would also you suggest to them that they check their whistle blowing policy and urge them to report it. If this person is aware it's going on and not reporting it they are then enabling that behaviour which is unacceptable

If a child told an adult who was in a professional capacity that they were being harmed then the adult would be duty bound to pass on the information. You have the same moral obligation IMO.

Please do the right thing and keep banging on doors until someone does listen.

Your last post is heartbreaking in its naivety and mistake

#noonelistenedorcaredaboutme

Always tell them (before they tell you what it is) that you will keep it secret

If you are on a safe guarding training course they always tell you not to say that you will keep it a secret.

This isn't the situation but its as near an equivalent as I can make it.

Say the man is a Beavers leader and he treated 25 kids in his pack well. But he was verbally rough with and rude about 3 of them who had developmental disabilities and frequently put them in isolation because he scapegoated them and didn't want their issues interrupting the flow of the group.

My relative is the dad of one of the kids. He found out and complained to the higher ups in the scout movement who agreed it was bad but did nothing else. My relative withdrew their child, told me everything but told me not to tell.

There are still the two vulnerable kids left with him and of course any future ones he chooses to scapegoat and pick on.

I can and should tell somebody shouldn't I?

Yes you should .

Of course

Of course you should.

I’d be supporting my relative to report himself as he has first hand knowledge.

But if he refuses I’d report. Harm to children trumps family loyalty.

Yes you absolutely should, and for the sake of the children please do.