Losing weight if you dont understand why you're fat?

[Chubbrubb]

AIBU to think this is really difficult?

I know why I'm fat on a basic level. I eat too much. But WHY do I eat too much? That's a question I can't answer.

I've lost 4-5 stone twice in the last 6 years. And put it all back on. That was with slimming world. I never got to my target which was another 2-3st. I was a sz 12-14. But I couldn't lose any more, got bored and now I'm back to square one.

I almost never feel full. I think about food all the time. It's my comfort, my friend. I eat to cheer myself up when I'm sad, to celebrate when I'm happy, to reward myself when something has gone well.

I went to a Xmas party last night. I was the only woman there over a size 16. I came home and had a plate of chips and a chocolate bar

Thing about feeling ravenous is this - when I eat a big meal - the day after I feel really hungry. A Christmas when I’ve been eating unusually big meals for me - I also feel hungry. The rest of my life I don’t really feel that hungry.

My theory is the more you eat the hungrier you feel.

I was kind of like you just over a year ago but further down the line with my gallbladder. My Mum died about 18 months ago. Before she died she was ill for years and the 4.5 stone I had lost, yet again, piled back on and then some more. I'd decided to start after Christmas 2016 but my gallbladder was kicking of loads and not related to what I ate anymore. Went to the GP and found I was too fat to be referred to the Consultant.

Nothing like pain to focus the mind. I had been trying to work out the why's etc and what the best way to lose was about realised I had to start, do anything to get going and worry about everything else along the way. I also realised that everything else I had tried had failed as I hadn't changed habits and regained so there was no point in rejoining SW or WW as they had not been successful for me.

bought myself a Fitbit so I could see how many calories I burned and bought Nutracheck app which I saw mentioned on here. Enlisted the help of DH nad a friend for moral support and got started. DH has been diabetic since childhood. I figured that he has to count carbs to manage his medical condition so I could cope with counting calories and looked at it as a form of medication effectively.

That dog walk I thought was a long way turned out not to be so far after all in the scheme of things and I was perfectly capable of eating two or three times the amount I burned off on a lazy Sunday. I didn't get that big loss you sometimes get the first week but started losing 2lbs a week, though it was 't linear. That meant that when I went back to the GP in January I was able to be referred. I agreed with the Consultant to get my BMI under 35 for the op and met that target 2 weeks before surgery at the end of May. By that point I was in pain pretty constantly from about 11am in the morning till I fell asleep through some of it from exhaustion. It was to quote the surgeon 'massive'.

The relief to be rid of it was huge and I was determined to carry on. By that point I'd decided I want to run a 5k race for life summer 2018 which was quite laughable as had never run in my life and couldn't run for 60 seconds. Did C25K and by the summer found to my complete amazement I could indeed run 5k and we now regularly do Parkrun - we did it in minus 2 recently. It has made me physically and mentally stronger.

Along the way I have learned how to manage social events and Christmas and as I walk a lot I'm able to lose eating 2000 plus cals. a day. Had to up it at one point as energy levels dipped too low. I had a scan this week and need to have a gynae referral. My BMI isn't normal yet, have about 21 pounds to go but the relief knowing if I need surgery again that my weight won't be so much of an issue is huge. I've lost over 6 stone since November 2016.

One thing I have learned so far is that learning to maintain is vital so I build in regular periods of time where I eat at maintenance. I think I will have to log my food for the rest of my life but it only takes a few minutes a day and is a tiny price to pay for the benefits the weight loss nad being fitter brings. Things that have helped me are increasing protein intake, not eating after 6pm unless I really feel I need to, banning nothing and building in the things I like to stop feelings of deprivation kicking in. I still obviously have to get the rest of the weight off then keep it there but I am pretty confident, I have some lovely friends who know how important it is to me and will support me through the difficult patches of this - though it's not been the people I thought would be the most supportive who have been in reality s weight loss can change the dynamics of a friendship.

Long and rambling but I hope there might be something in there somewhere that helps in a small way.

Your second to last paragraph shows you know exactly why OP. On one side of the spectrum is treating food as fuel, making sure you eat the right quantities and types to maintain a healthy weight. At the other is using it as pure enjoyment, prioritising how something tastes and how full it makes you over its nutritional content and affect on your health/weight. You're too far over to the 'pure enjoyment/emotional crutch' side and need to nudge across fairly drastically to see food in a different way if you want to lose weight.

Many NHSs have a local organisation to support people to tackle being overweight or obese, including access to a gym, and dietary support.

I'd also recommend instead of filling up on pasta when hungry getting used to filling up on wafer, a couple of pints of it if necessary. You may feel hunger when losing weight but it's not a bad thing, chances are if you've been overeating for a long time your body has no idea how to feel full on a normal healthy amount of food and it'll take time to get used to eating sensible portions without being hungry.

I cant quite think of a resource / link to post at the moment but there are some articles around the idea that at the moment you want the food (and the comfort it brings) more than you want to lose weight / get healthier / fit into clothes / feel better about yourself. But until you have your lightbulb moment and you're actually prepared to make changes, nothing will change. You need to get to the point where change and the results it will bring become more appealing than the food.

Denying yourself something that brings you comfort or pleasure involves sacrifice, struggle, effort, stress, anxiety and you're not prepared to do that.....yet. You'd rather stay in your comfort zone at the moment. Why would you give up the only thing that's giving you comfort? That's going be utterly miserable right? You probably feel like you'd be left with a big gaping hole to fill with something other than food and that scares you because you're not sure what that would be.

But what if you committed to accepting short term discomfort for a longer term goal. Why do you have to be in a permanent state of comfort and pleasure all the time? That's now how life works. We don't get to pander to every whim and fancy we want. Denial and sacrifice can be good, it makes you appreciate things more.

Are you sure that it’s the fat that sets off your gallbladder, not carbs?

Are you sure that it’s the fat that sets off your gallbladder, not carbs?

I think it's pretty well established that it's fat that triggers a gallbladder attack. So a high fat carb could trigger an attack but it's the fat not the carb that's the culprit. Low fat carbs are fine.

Rather than scammy slimming clubs or some of the very dodgy advice on here, start the process for mental health help.

A normal relationship with food is - it is food. Tasty and good for you but not dominating every moment. Good luck.

My mum only ever ate one meal a day

This was not a healthy role model for you so as a child you would have grown up with a "not normal" attitude to food.

You say you are a comfort eater. That is about breaking a cycle. I read something that suggested a way to tackle this is to keep a food/emotion diary. Get a cheap little notebook you can carry round with you and take two pages a day. One page write the date and list everything you eat and drink. On the other page opposite it, write down how you are feeling and so far as you can work out why you are feeling like that - as detailed as you can.

So more like "feeling sad because I saw my ex-bf with his new gf are on holiday in the Bahamas on FB" rather than just "feeling a bit sad".

Also record whether you are actually feeling hungry before you eat on a scale - 1 (stuffed) to 10 (could eat another human to survive starving).

Do this for at least four weeks and you should be able to identify a pattern and what triggers your emotional eating.

I'm hungry and thinking of food all the time. This is not hunger though, this is craving. They are two very different beasts. Hunger is relatively easy to cope with but craving is a bastard.
You need to learn the difference between the two.
A previous poster mentioned feeling very hungry the day after a big meal and I get that too. When I was eating well (I'm not at the moment) I could easily recognise the difference between hunger and craving. You would be surprised I think how little you can actually eat before proper hunger kicks in. The real feeling of hunger is not massively unpleasant and can be dealt with by eating a healthy meal but food craving? thats another thing altogether and is very hard indeed to deal with.

Veg is your friend. If you always have low cal soups/ ‘free’ diet foods such as ratatouille or veggie curry as your go to rather than a chippy on your way home you will make improvements. Try focusing on getting your 5/7 a day and being healthy rather than losing weight. Also don’t keep high calorie snacks in the house.

Actually the most recent NICE guidelines about gallbladders do not mention cutting out fat, only whatever triggers attacks. For me high fat low carb reduced the number of attacks I had.

Read The Secret Life of Fat.

Very eye opening, and it was an opportunity to forgive myself and realise that our fat organ is so much more complex than eat less move more. Well worth reading.

Drink skimmed milk when your hungry it dulls your appetite and fruit in between meals, I have put on 9lb in December, strict diet after Christmas