Losing weight if you dont understand why you're fat?

[Chubbrubb]

AIBU to think this is really difficult?

I know why I'm fat on a basic level. I eat too much. But WHY do I eat too much? That's a question I can't answer.

I've lost 4-5 stone twice in the last 6 years. And put it all back on. That was with slimming world. I never got to my target which was another 2-3st. I was a sz 12-14. But I couldn't lose any more, got bored and now I'm back to square one.

I almost never feel full. I think about food all the time. It's my comfort, my friend. I eat to cheer myself up when I'm sad, to celebrate when I'm happy, to reward myself when something has gone well.

I went to a Xmas party last night. I was the only woman there over a size 16. I came home and had a plate of chips and a chocolate bar

I cant eat more fat though as I end up in agony.

Maybe something like hypnosis could work fit you. Paul McKenna has done work around changing thinking about food.

You’re playing the “yes, but” game.

You overeat and find it hard to stop. If you want to stop more than you want to satisfy the desire to eat there are various approaches out there other than SW/WW which focus on restricting.

I know it’s hard: I haven’t achieved it myself and so many people are overweight and/or have problems with food.

CBT maybe? Or some kind of therapy exploring the change from this feeling full as a child to now?

It sounds to me like it's not just about weight to you, you want to understand what's behind it, perhaps for psychological reasons as much as health.

It's hardly playing yes but to say I can't eat fat.

I cant. It's a simple fact

Have you ever had gallstones? It's horrendous. I gave birth without pain relief and would describe that as mild discomfort compared to gallstones.

I honestly don't know how to lose weight because I don't know what compels me to keep eating.

I've seen 2 people I know have gastric bands. Neither were successful, they basically ended up liquidising super high calorie food for a hit like a drug addict.

I don't want a band or anything. But I've seen with them how not are dressing the underlying reasons means that even if you're physically prevented from eating more, you can still circumvent it. I probably would to.

I cant get any kind of counselling or help on NHS in this area, would that be expensive?

You need to write down all your known bad habits in a list. Don’t try to change everything all at once try one thing at a time and change the habit and get it established. I think we try to change too much at once and then it all feels too much. Why not share one thing you are going to do?

Have you considered CBT? That can be very helpful for some people for emotional eating.

Are you drinking too much fizzy pop OP? this can make you gain weight even the diet versions.

The way you talk about food does sound like an addiction.

I’d see a therapist who specialises in food issues to try to work out the reasons you’re so preoccupied with food.

Did you have a happy childhood, do you have any mental, emotional issues? Etc.

AnUtter, I get what you say. I do feel I've only lost weight when it's become my life. My family are all average sized, but eat very little. My mum only ever ate one meal a day, my dad more normally, but occasionally would say his clothes felt tight, and just eat beef broth for 3-7 days.

I don't have that kind of will power!

Can you trick your brain at all? I was once put on a medicine which is quite well known for increasing people's appetite, and I realised pretty quickly I was putting on weight with it (which was an especially big problem as at the time I had no money whatsoever to buy bigger clothes if it continued). People suggested I try things like celery/carrot sticks or chewing gum, so that if I was chewing it'd be like I was eating. It actually worked for me.

I do drink diet drinks. I cant stand water or squash. I drink tea, decaff coffee and diet coke/Pepsi. I probably only drink about a litre of liquid a day, 2-3 hot drinks and a can of soda.

My childhood was amazing but my parents died when I was in my early 20s which was quite traumatic. I didn't gain weight til my early 30s mainly due to am abusive relationship. But I escaped that nearly a decade ago.

Can you work on drinking more water? They say "drink to shrink" for a reason. And there are some very interesting studies on weight gain and diet sodas - it looks as if it can also affect blood sugar levels in some people.

I say this as someone who drank nothing but Diet Coke for years, so I know how it is! Now I have it down to less than 1 can a day and I have managed to like water so long as it's nice and cold

Also, I wonder if you can get a dietitian referral to plan meals you can have with your gallbladder problem, but will still help you to lose weight? They're likely to have some good ideas about things you can eat that will help you feel more full for longer, and they'll also understand what limitations your gallbladder causes for you. I'd make sure it's a dietitian rather than a nutritionist as you'd want someone with more formal training in medical issues.

I think it sounds like you do know why you can't stop....
I think about food all the time. It's my comfort, my friend. I eat to cheer myself up when I'm sad, to celebrate when I'm happy, to reward myself when something has gone well.
Food has become a way to manage your emotions..... i guess if you learnt the skills to manage emotions in other ways you'll have a different relationship with food.... Therapy and/or books on emotional regulation could be worth looking into?

For me it's portion control, too much sugar and too much wine and not enough exercise.

So, too much of this 🍸🍔🍾 and not enough of this 🏃🏼🏃🏼‍♀️🥒🥕⛹🏼‍♀️🏊🏼

I believe it's about £30 an hour.

If you could stop eating so much, you'd probably save more on your food bills, so counselling might be worth investing in.

OP you can lose weight without eating fat (though you do need a little for absorption of certain vitamins). Years ago I lost weight quite easily by following the Rosemary Conley diet. I still don't eat a lot of fat, simply because I don't like the taste of fatty food. Having said that, I have done the lose weight and gain most of it back again. At the moment I'm about 18 pounds into the overweight zone, but losing weight slowly and steadily.
You have to retrain your habits and reinvent yourself. Some examples -
I used to buy a cheese and onion pasty from Greggs and eat it while I was wandering around the shops. I no longer do that. I am now a person that doesn't eat in the street.
I use a smaller dessert plate to keep my portion sizes in check.
I used to buy multi packs of my favourite chocolate from poundland because 'they're good value'. I don't now because it's just too tempting to have them in the house. If I want a bar of chocolate I buy a single bar.
These are all little strategies that I have come up with to make it easier for myself and after a while they just become automatic.
Most importantly for me is exercising, and again I've retrained myself to not make excuses, other than caring for my daughter. It doesn't matter if it's raining or if I'm tired or have a cold, I still do it to the best of my ability. Mental toughness is very important.
In your case I would keep a food diary and count calories taking your medical condition into account and be strict with yourself. It will get easier eventually.

I just read your post about how much you drink.

You are never full because you are chronically dehydrated. You will struggle to get that satisfied full feeling when you are thirsty.

You have probably forgotten the difference between the sensation of thirst and the sensation of being hungry. Most people are like this now. Every time you are hungry, have a drink, preferably water or squash.

The diet fizzy drinks are very unlikely to be helping. That stuff is awful.

Just noticed about your drinks, OP. Have heard very good things about green tea. That might be worth trying?

If you're eating low fat for the gallstones, then I'm surprised you're not losing weight because it's pretty hard to eat a huge amount of calories when you're doing low fat. I'm guessing you're either drinking your calories (full sugar soft drinks or alcohol) or you're eating a lot of low fat high sugar sweets? The reason I say this is becasue I lost around 4 stone doing low fat to get my gallbladder removed. When so much is restricted in diet you almost can't help lose weight. So I would ask if you're not losing at the moment, where are your calories coming from?

Is the gallbladder surgery a motivator for you?

As for the "why" you overeat, I've always resonated with how Oprah describes it when she talks about using food to push down feelings and emotions....you're filling a hole...literally and figuratively. The food is a comfort, a friend and you're using it for emotional reasons not nutritional. You're using it to replace something that's missing for you. You need to get to the bottom of what you're trying to push down / replace with the food and work on that. As Oprah also says......"it's not about the food."