I've fucked up

[tiredlegs]

In quite a senior professional role. It's been a shit year, way too stretched and limited resources. Had to work through nearly all my holidays. Found out today that there has been a big fuck up in the work a colleague in my team has done. I can't fathom how she has done it but it's a piece of work I could have chosen to review (it's important) but didn't as I was too busy. It's been a year of wishing I had done things differently and feeling under siege and like I was doing everything wrong. I've emailed my boss who has been ok on email, but it's one for the new year. I was really hoping to use the xmas break to get my head in a better space and organised for a better year in 2018, but now I just feel devastated by this cock up. Any tips for getting my head out of this space ?

I know it's very easy for me to say but there's absolutely nothing you can do about it now, so giving it headspace over Christmas would be pointless. You cannot be expected to check every piece of work that your colleagues do, things are always going to slip through the net. I imagine your boss knows that too, hence reacting in a proportionate and measured way. They know these things happen.
Clearly you're good at your job and no one could question your commitment, so please don't beat yourself up about something which could have happened to anyone.

You will always drop balls occasionally when working in a complex professional role. As you say, putting it right is something for the New Year. It also isn't just your job - it should be a team/organisation effort. Take a well deserved break over Christmas.

You're clearly extremely conscientious and effective in your role. You've reviewed a colleague's work, identified a problem, alerted your boss. What more could you have realistically done? In these circumstances i'd book a meeting/call with the colleague to outline a plan and timescale of how the problem can be rectified and present this to your boss along with a request for any additional support you might need to achieve this.

Swiss cheese model. It happens to us all. They cocked up and it's the piece of work you didn't check.

Hopefully your manager will know mistakes are made and see it as a team responsibility/mistake. If they wanted to be an arse they
could have, the fact they weren't shows they haven't felt the need to 'log' how pissed off they are via email. Also good that you've owned up about it (can't see whole of OP not sure if I've inferences that bit),I find it so refreshing when anyone who works for me says 'look we need a chat...' and owns up.

We do all drop balls and a supportive team will understand that. My manager and her manager are not supportive, I handed my notice in last week. It's the right thing to do and I am heading into an organisation that I think will be far more supportive and offer me great opportunities, I wouldn't have had the nudge to apply without what was going on in my current role. There are definitely silver linings and learning from everything. You sound like you've been working really hard, time to park it and pick it up next year. Acknowledge you'll need to deal with it, but not now.

I have a professional role where I regularly lose sleep over potential fuck ups in my work and worry myself sick over the effects it will have on my clients (even if there is no actual issue). I have to actively tell myself that it's "only" work, sometimes shit happens and that there are much more important things in life. Easier said than done, I know.

Remember- no one fucks up on purpose, it was a mistake. You've been working in challenging circumstances and there is only so much you can do. Be kind to yourself.

Work stuff is always at the back of my mind when I'm playing with the DC or hanging out with family, or doing housework. I try to keep my mind busy with other stuff and use guided meditations or rainfall sounds to help me sleep.

If there's a particular work problem that's worrying me where I think I've messed up I write down a list of points to make to my boss when the issue is discussed. I find writing it down and then putting it out of sight helps.

As a pp said, there is nothing you can do about it now which I know will make the situation feel so much worse. I've had a few Christmas periods where stuff like this has been hanging over me and I know how you feel.

Try and take some time out for some headspace over the break if you can

I usually allow myself about half an hour to mull things over and write down any insights/learning/ways I would like to change my work etc. Maybe talk to someone about it to get it off my chest.

And then after that actively tell myself to stop when I start thinking about it again. Doesn't always work, but quite often does.

Stop being so hard on yourself.

You have not fucked up, your colleague has.

True, you could have chosen to review but why would you.
I assume your colleague is getting paid to do a job and not fuck it up if not being constantly monitored.

You trusted that colleague to do their job properly, they didn't, not your fault.

You have spotted the fuck up in what sounds like the nick of time.

It sounds like you have survived a tough year. You are not giving yourself enough credit for the hard work you must have put in to get through it. Try to be a little kinder to yourself and let others own their own mistakes.

You've had to work through nearly all your holidays?

You need less guilt and more anger.

I managed 100's of staff, humans make mistakes there is always a way to rectify problems, also I think you need to address why work life is stressful and limited, because the mistakes will be on going, if this isn't resolved.

But its the holidays now, you need to figure how out to split work from your personal life.

Be more angry at the lack of support. If you were not so over stretched this may have been something you could have checked.

I assume you colleague could have asked earlier for help with this project had she been concerned this were going wrong? If you and her have a good track record then surely, however annoying this is, people will see that mistakes happen and the new year should be about finding solutions and raising the continued risk of underresource.

If a colleague made a mistake it's not your fault because you would normally check - that's on your manager. Either she should have checked or she needs a better system for managing her staff - she could have specifically made sure this was checked.

Are you getting extra pay for all this extra work you do looking after your colleagues? And even if you are, then are you expected to check everything? It sounds like these are occasional spot checks not every piece of work, and you were too busy which means your workload hasn't been balanced properly by... your manager.

So if you absolutely must take any responsibility for this, it's what you've already done: alert your manager as soon as you found out. So please try to enjoy your Christmas and reset your expectations of the boundaries of your responsibility.

(God it sounds so obvious when I say it to someone else: even typing it out I know I need to take my own advice...!)

Is that you, Theresa?

Something my DH always tells me is "Why suffer twice?" One thinking about how bad it could be and once when you actually have to deal with it. Acknowledge what you could have done differently and identify the reasons why you didn't then put those thoughts away. Nothing you do now will change what happens in the new year so you may as well get your head on straight like you planned and go back to work mentally healthy. Good luck

I am in exactly the same position. I won't be dwelling on it over Christmas though as that time is precious. Mistakes are always made because people are human. It happens.

I understand the difficulty of putting it out of your mind, as a few years ago I would have reacted in the same way.

Wishing you peace and happiness this Christmas.

Don't be so hard on yourself. These things happen from time to time and it's done now. Try to relax over Christmas and put it out of your mind as my as possible. If you find yourself thinking about it eat a chocolate!!
Everything works out in the end and you will be fine.

How did your colleague’s mistake come to light?

I had a similar thing a couple of years ago. I'm a lawyer and I found out just before Christmas about a fuck up that I couldn't fix or even deal with until the new year. I pretty much let it ruin Christmas and New Year because I got a bit obsessive about it and couldn't stop panicking about it.

I now look back and can't believe how silly I was! My boss was totally relaxed about it (unsurprisingly as he will have seen similar things happen and get sorted many, many times) and I should have been too. It was all dealt with after Christmas and was not helped at all by me stressing all though Christmas.

I don't know if this applies to you too, but I'm a perfectionist who tends to take responsibility for everything and everyone around me - my boss loves that about me and my family hates it! I try to keep in mind that my perspective on incidents such as these is distorted by imagining the advice I would give to someone else this had happened to!

It wasn't your mistake but you've spotted it and raised it. Your boss is taking it ok and you've done everything you can do about it for now. Try to keep things in perspective - I imagine that no one is going to die from your colleagues error (I often thank goodness that I'm not a doctor in these circumstances!)? It will be sorted or managed in the new year. So put it out of your head until after Christmas. At which point it sounds like your energies would be better spent thinking about ways to make 2018 better than 2017 for yourself!

I would make a cuppa, get a note pad out and sit somewhere quiet and write down notes....

The job
What should have happened
What actually happened
Why the error occurred
..... and what needs to be done to stop this happening again.

Then shut note book .... put it with your work gear for next year. Wash your cup.

Now go and enjoy Christmas. .... sounds like you thoroughly need the break.

I'm in a similar situation at the moment and I feel so sick about it. I can't stop thinking about it and I've been in tears and awake half the night. Mine is a bit different as I said something to someone else in confidence about a colleague and it's got back and got misinterpreted and now escalated. I sort of know I haven't really done anything wrong myself (although should have been more discrete perhaps) but I hate being in the middle of anything like this and bad feelings. Plus everyone is off now so it can't get sorted out for ages.

So I'm reading this thread and finding it helpful for tips how to put it in perspective and not let it ruin my Christmas!

Such a shame that you've had hardly any break from work, you have one now but it's giving you stress.

Really, your employee who fucked up is paid to do a job and he/she fucked up. I second the writing it down and putting it away till New Years and really hope you can detach yourself from it mentally and get the break you deserve/need.

Bottom line, nobody died, please don't beat yourself up over it.

There are some great posts here. I work in a large organisation managing staff and the pressure in a positions like this can be high. You cannot do everything and your staff have have to be able to do their job. You could wonder why your staff member didn't spot the error as well and bring it to you.

At the end of the day it's now done and will have to wait until New Year. What really shows your integrity and conscientiousness is immediately having flagged it with your manager and being honest. Speaking up when something goes wrong is highly valued. And ultimately mistakes do happen at work. You can't check everything.

Get it out of your head so you can have a break - write it down, do some analysis of the problem what went wrong or possible solutions etc whatever you need and then rest. You sound like you deserve it.

I'd be having a conversation with my manager about my workload if I were you. I often get into a hamster wheel of working so hard and not seeing what I'm doing - I find it really helpful to talk through with a trusted peer so I can sense check what I'm thinking when it gets like this. Good luck and enjoy your Christmas break

Been there!

My boss handled it differently to yours, called a meeting with me before Christmas to tell me it would need to be discussed and then arranged the meeting to discuss it in the new year! Intentionally leaving me to sweat over Christmas.

There is nothing you can do over Christmas to change the outcome of your colleagues work or the fact you didn't check it. So don't spoil your Christmas thinking about it. If you return to work on the 2nd January, Try and put it out of your head until the 1st.

I also have a very pressurised job and tend to be criticised for anything that goes wrong rather than applauded when things go well. It's very stressful trying to be on the ball at all times and nigh on impossible to never make a mistake or simply overlook something.

You're human, OP. That's all. I've seen top doctors and CEOs and judges and barristers make mistakes in my job!

Give yourself a break. These things happen. What matters is how you deal with it. Relax over Christmas and go back with a clear head.

I know how you feel; the way it preys on your mind and makes you feel crap at your job and lacking in confidence. But that's rubbish - it's nothing like that. It's just a mistake because you were busy and doing the million other things your job demands.

You can't be held responsible for someone else's mistake, otherwise that would make you the manager. That is their job.

Nothing you can do about it. Park it til the new year.

I had something similar this time last year although I had contributed to it more

Over the year I have passed on taking on extra work i would normally have done to free myself up to watch out for things and have better processes in place. It’s hard to say no but I am feeling much relaxed and more in control a year on