I've fucked up

[tiredlegs]

In quite a senior professional role. It's been a shit year, way too stretched and limited resources. Had to work through nearly all my holidays. Found out today that there has been a big fuck up in the work a colleague in my team has done. I can't fathom how she has done it but it's a piece of work I could have chosen to review (it's important) but didn't as I was too busy. It's been a year of wishing I had done things differently and feeling under siege and like I was doing everything wrong. I've emailed my boss who has been ok on email, but it's one for the new year. I was really hoping to use the xmas break to get my head in a better space and organised for a better year in 2018, but now I just feel devastated by this cock up. Any tips for getting my head out of this space ?

I'm an in house lawyer and most of what comes across my desk is someone in the business fucking up, many of which are senior. It happens, it's what we're there for and it can always be dealt with. You're not the first person to fuck up (and sounds like it was your colleague anyway) and you won't be the last.

I think how things are resolved shows the true colours of a company.

Invariably things go wrong and from the customer's perspective it is not great but if it is sorted efficiently and to the customer's satisfaction it gives them and others insight into the support they can expect from the company.

It also shows staff that they are valued in terms of support, extra training, mentoring.

Don't be so hard on yourself, you're only human and everyone makes mistakes....you're part of a team so hopefully you're boss will support you
Look at this way nobody died....move on from this and don't mull over it , especially at Christmas

What lovely supportive messages :) Enjoy your break OP. It's not the end if the world - there will be a way to sort it out / business will take a hit. And life will move on. It's fine.

I'm sorry you have this hanging over your head. And there's been lots of good advice on this thread.

In a way, I suspect that this happening is probably - in the longer term - a good thing. It's a bit of a wake-up call, isn't it? Why are things so over-stretched that you're giving up your holidays and working so hard?

Is this your company/organisation/department? Are you badly managed? Or are you not managing your time as well as you could be?

I'm in no way suggesting that you're to blame, but I think you should have a long, hard look at just why you've ended up in this situation and (most importantly) decide what you're going to do about it next year. You can't carry on like this - you need your holidays, for a start!

Once you've identified the problem (I'm sure you know what it is!), then you have to decide how to act. Is it time for you to look for another role? Do you need to talk with your manager about your work load etc?

Please, please don't let this spoil your Christmas. You need the time to rest and relax.

If your manager seems ok on email and said it's one for the NY then I think it sounds like they aren't too concerned and also just want to enjoy the break!
You didn't make the mistake. It wasn't compulsory that you checked it and if YOUR manager hasn't spread the workload properly which means you don't have time to check stuff then that's their fault.

OP your post made my pulse race because I know exactly how it feels to be losing sleep over work stress. I am so chronically stressed by my own senior professional role that I get empathetic palpitations just by thinking about your situation. And I don't have a boss - any fuckup is mine and mine alone!

Focus on the positives:

It wasn't your fuckup.
You have already broken the news to your boss and it was OK.
Presumably nobody died.
Presumably your firm is covered by insurance should there be a negligence claim.

Find the silver lining:

This perfectly illustrates how thinly stretched the team is. Can you use it as an opportunity to demand better resources in the next year?

Make a new year's resolution:

I will take my holidays, and if necessary will demand that resources are put in place to facilitate that. I need and deserve time off. It is in my clients' interests that I am physically and mentally well and able to do my job for them, and to supervise my team, to the best of my ability.

Then, as others have said, close the notebook, switch off email notifications, give yourself credit for having got to the end of a difficult year, and have a lovely restful Christmas.

I should imagine the colleague who made the mistake may be feeling even more devastated than you, tiredlegs, as she is probably more expendable, and especially as you cannot understand how she could have been so stupid, whereas you feel you have reasons to have been overstretched... Mistakes do happen, especially when everyone is feeling the strain. Perhaps give a bit more thought after the new year to why your colleague might have made the error, then the whole team might benefit from the lessons learned, or the whole organisation might realise how overstretched everyone is and do something about it (you can but hope!). In the meantime, enjoy Christmas, because you need the break and can start afresh with more optimism in the New Year.

There are some really excellent suggestions on here - I love the idea of writing it down them 'closing the book'. I spend too much time mulling over possible errors/problems and 9/10 times I can sort it out more easily than I had thought.

IME owning the mistake and putting steps in place to make sure it doesn’t happen again, ie doing what you can to take responsibility for prevention in the future, are the key. Your boss may feel an obligation to tell you off a bit, but provided your response is appropriate (and so far it does seem to be), it shouldn’t be worse than that.

Sounds like a shit year. You have my sympathy.

Been there and ruined many a weekend or Xmas worrying and losing sleep. The only way i can put it out my mind is to tell myself that no one else will be worrying over the break. Nothing can be done about it until return to work. It cant get worse over the break. Unlike when you are on holiday which is why i too end up working my holidays......Most people unlike me and you and those who respond to theses threads with support dont worry as much.its a job and you couldnt have prevented it.

I really feel for you - it's that sense that you ant do anything about it over Christmas and also going into Christmas with the sense that something's hanging over you, right? The thing is, you're at least conscientious enough to be worrying about a mistake made by your team. A lesser person wouldn't have even thought to take some of the responsibility and may even have wormed their way out of things by placing sole responsibility on the team member who you feel you were supposed to have checked.

I'd look upon this and the fact that you've been prepared to own up favourably. Mistakes happen- you're no robot. And at least you know now rather than having a Christmas in blissful ignorance and then finding out when you went back in January. I know we all what a bit of blissful ignorance but you know what I mean.
Now stop beating yourself up and enjoy Christmas knowing you're a good person who has been overworked: maybe this will be a catalyst for change where you work!