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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For feeling like a shit Mum. DS's first night on melatonin

61 replies

ImSoExhausted · 22/12/2017 23:44

So that's it. Not even four and already being medicated I know the benefits, I know how much better his behaviour will be when he's actually sleeping, but god, I feel SO guilty.
Anyone else with an autistic child on melatonin? We were lucky at how easy it was to get for DS. It's only been a week since we asked his Pedeatrician about it and it got delivered today. He took it with ease and fell asleep within 20 minutes. Now here I am, first time in god knows how long that he's safe and asleep soundly and I'm lying here wide awake!
I'm hoping it's only needed short term, there's something so weirdly wrong about giving it to him. He's non-verbal and doesn't understand language so he has no clue that his milk has a crushed up sleeping tablet

OP posts:

PippilottaLongstocking · 22/12/2017 23:48

You are absolutely not a shit mum! You are doing the best thing for him, he needs the sleep, and so do you I expect!

mineofuselessinformation · 22/12/2017 23:48

It's NOT a sleeping tablet.
It's a supplement to produce what his body doesn't - the hormone that helps everyone to sleep at night.
Please don't feel guilty. He needs his sleep - and so do you.

Mousewatch · 22/12/2017 23:51

Definitely not being a shit mum when you are doing what's right for your DS.

missiondecision · 22/12/2017 23:52

Please don’t feel guilty, he will be well rested, he needs sleep.
Night night.

Original poster

ImSoExhausted · 22/12/2017 23:53

I know you're both right, and I'm definitely not an 'anti-medication' Mum usually. It just felt strange giving him something that he doesn't know about. DH did compare it to us giving him his vitamin tablet and that sort of helped, he just thinks that's an orange sweetie.
Fingers crossed it helps his behaviour and makes him calmer 🤞🏻

OP posts:

Lindy2 · 22/12/2017 23:56

He needs to sleep. Everyone does. You are just helping him achieve that sleep because he can't quite manage it alone.
You are doing it to benefit him.

JamPasty · 22/12/2017 23:56

Don't feel bad - it will help him. Just as you would give him insulin if he was diabetic, or inhalers if he was asthmatic. Hugs.

Holliewantstobehot · 22/12/2017 23:58

DS is on melatonin and has just started antidepressants. He's 14. I don't feel guilty, its what he needs. My dd has inhalers and tablets for her asthma. I view it as the same. They both have what they need and if they didn't need it the doctor wouldn't prescribe it.

DS has liquid melatonin as he can't do tablets. Might be worth asking for as would be easier than crushing up as tablet and could also be stirred into a drink.

Enjoy your rest. I have no doubt you deserve it.

LordTrash · 23/12/2017 00:00

You are putting his needs first.

Dd1 (also autistic) takes melatonin from time to time when her sleep goes out of whack, but just for short periods. It has helped her so much when she's needed a bit of a hand out of an insomniac hole, and I don't regret it one bit although, yes, at first, it felt questionable.

I hope it helps your ds .

GrockleBocs · 23/12/2017 00:01

I was initially hesitant to put dd on melatonin at an older age when her consultant offered it. It felt like drugging her. But dd used to beg me for something to help her sleep. We tried everything and finally I told her about melatonin and she chose it.
In the US you can buy it over the counter in a Holland & Barrett equivalent.
She hardly takes it now but it made a huge difference. She needed some sleep. I had a pre schooler and a job too. I needed to sleep! I have no regrets.

Nectarines · 23/12/2017 00:01

Your child needs the medication. You’re meeting his needs. That’s a good parent.

RhodaBorrocks · 23/12/2017 00:02

Like a PP said - it is NOT medication. It is a hormone supplement to make up for what his body can't produce naturally. You'd give a child with T1 diabetes insulin and not feel shit, right? That's a hormone too. Same applies here.

My DS has been on melatonin since he was just turned 6. Its been the best 4 years of sleep for both of us. Before that it was like having a new born for 6 years. We coslept as for a while he couldn't sleep without me there due to anxiety, then I tried the supernanny approach of taking him back to bed wordlessly - some nights I'd be up and down with him more than a dozen times. I was like a zombie, making stupid mistakes at work, clumsy, put on weight because I ate to stay awake, depressed, fainting from exhaustion, the whole works.

No one believed me when I said I suspected ASD. But the GP referred us to the paediatrician who asked about his sleep. When I told them the above they didn't hesitate to put him on melatonin.

It's helped us both. I don't feel the slightest bit shit for giving it to him.

Brandnewstart · 23/12/2017 00:11

I asked and asked for Melatonin for years for ds1. I finally got it when he was 10. It has made a big difference (to us all). I was looking at photos earlier of him when he was 7/8. He looks knackered. I feel so sorry for this little boy who just wasn't able to sleep. You will probably see an improvement in his behaviour overall, sleep is so important for development.
In sept this year he started ADHD meds aged 13. That was a more difficult decision as it has more physical effects. I think it has been the right choice though. Like other posters have said, I would treat him if he has diabetes or epilepsy.
We make lots of hard decisions as parents but we do it to help our children feel happier and make life that little bit easier.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/12/2017 00:15

Good grief my love, you’ve got nothing to feel guilty about. It’s melatonin not crack 🤣. The poor little chap NEEDS to sleep, you’re HELPING him get something he needs. Be proud of yourself for dealing with it & not sticking your head in the sand.🌷

...and if you have any spare, feel free time send it my way! I need some sleep! 😵

LionsTigersBeers · 23/12/2017 00:21

Here in Singapore, Melatonin is bought over the counter without prescription at a health food shop. Not a big deal. It's a hormone that some people need extra of to help them fall asleep.

My son has ADHD, autism and anxiety. The melatonin enables him to wind down and fall asleep- his busy brain just wouldn't allow him to do otherwise.

Raising a child with autism means you'll have to make lots of decisions as to what's best for him ahead of you. You'll be taking the road less traveled and it's really difficult. But it sounds like you're off to a very strong start and your boy is very lucky to have you making good decisions for him. All the best.

DarthLipgloss · 23/12/2017 00:24

My adult son has ASD. He's 24 and has never slept through the night. He hadn't lived with me since he was 20 but I'll never forget the impact of 20 years of broken sleep on all of us. You are totally doing the right thing x

isitme88 · 23/12/2017 00:25

Children are hard work. Children that don't sleep are even harder. Children that don't sleep with autism are even even harder! Please don't feel guilty. The body needs sleep in order to function. You are enabling that. What a wonderful mum you are. I hope that you are able to have a peaceful nights sleep and I hope that your child is able to cope with life that little bit more once they are well rested.

mummmy2017 · 23/12/2017 00:40

A shit mum doesn't care ... YOU do ...
So FAB mum in my book.

SageYourResoluteOracle · 23/12/2017 00:43

The thing with parenting is that sometimes we have to do things that are utterly counter-intuitive because they're the right thing to do. Your wee one needs to sleep and you need to sleep. There shouldn't be any guilt. You're 100% a good mum

VforVienetta · 23/12/2017 01:03

I’m sorry you feel crap about it, but I really don’t feel you’ve done anything wrong.
My 6yo DS recently got his ASD dx, and we’ve been using melatonin for the last couple of months. It’s changed so much for us. We now have evenings! Plus he’s not constantly overtired, and is getting on better with his sibling.
We use the strawberry gummies, not tablets. They come in a 5mg dose, so I cut them in quarters. He now settles around 8/8:30, it’s amazimg.
We buy it online from BioVia.
Now give yourself a break. Xx

theonetruesarah · 23/12/2017 01:05

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SD1978 · 23/12/2017 01:41

You’re not a shit mum, any more than you wcould yes be if your child needed insulin or thyroxine. He doesn’t produce enough melatonin to sleep, so you need to supplement it. The benefits of it are great. All the best x

VimFuego101 · 23/12/2017 01:54

There's a world of difference between a sleeping tablet and melatonin (but even a sleeping tablet would not be unreasonable if that's what your child needed). Melatonin is a hormone which your child's body is not producing enough of. I live in the US and it's routinely sold over the counter here, available in the vitamin section of every store. No different to giving a multivitamin.

SnowPrincess17 · 23/12/2017 04:46

My son is only 4 months old and totally blind, no eyes or optic nerves so he also can't produce melatonin. Sleep problems are common with the blind and I'm already noticing his sleep is affected by this, however he is still a baby so will give him some more time yet to see if he settles in his own routine.

However there is no way on this earth I'm going to allow him to have years of sleep issues when it's a common problem and can usually be fixed. Sleep is so, so important for development and if lack of melatonin is a root cause / known issue then I really see no issue with replacing it.

I don't know much about autism but I'm pretty sure that any child who starts getting good sleep will show improvements during the day, never mind the added benefit for the rest of the family. You are doing the right thing.

Battleax · 23/12/2017 04:50

I'd have given it to a young DS in a heartbeat, has it been available. The autism related sleep problems went on for years and impaired his life. It was always quite obvious to me that something was "missing" from him sleep-wise.

Which is it, BTW? A tablet you have to crush and put in milk or an "orange sweet"?

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