No Christmas present

[Realjournal123]

I've been with my DP for 17 years and he's always needed cajoling into buying me a birthday/ Xmas gift, by myself, my stepchildren or my own young children. This year nobody has assisted him so I'm not getting a single thing from him even though I always buy him a thoughtful gift. Is this fair and is anyone else in a similar position or am I being sensitive?

Buying a gift for yourself isn't really much of an answer.

Someone - you or your daughters, probably - need to make it clear to him how significant this is to you. He's still got two days to buy something.

Does he like receiving gifts, OP? Does he expect to be given gifts at Christmas and on his Birthday?

What a knob. II think you should buy something you love, that would be of no use to him, wrap it up and label it for him. When he opens it and looks puzzled, you give him a mumsnet tinkly laugh and say "Oh, that's my present from you! I saved you the trouble of shopping for me, and that's my gift to you, the gift of time!" Do it every year until he gets the hint. (Or LTB.)

I get what you're saying but I think you should leave your children out of it. I don't think it's right for you to be asking your children if he's got you anything and for your child to be filling the gap. This is between you and your partner.

Genuinely don't know how anyone could sit there with their gifts whilst the person they're supposed to love gets nothing! It's just shocking! My dad is a bit crap but will try on every occasion, even if he often asks me for help at least he gets my mum something!

Op don't get him anything the tight bastard

Cajoling someone into buying you a gift is really taking the good out of it. I would rather not get anything at all. However no way would i be buying a thoughtful present for him, i would treat myself to something nice instead. He sounds a bit shit tbh.

I think I would ask him whether you're exchanging gifts this year. If he says no, don't give him the gift you bought (return it and buy yourself something with the money). If he says yes, it would be completely reasonable to be upset when you don't get anything in return.

I don’t think I could cope with that. What has he said when you’ve talked to him about it before? Did he “forget” or does he just say “he can’t do it”. I agree with others to say get yourself something nice and wrap it beautifully.

I assume he’s expecting you to cook all the Christmas dinner? Perhaps a big plate of nothing as you “forgot” or “couldn’t manage to plate his up” while you and kids tuck into a delicious meal gets point across.

I know it’s passive agressive and would probably lead to a Christmas Day argument but how you’ve put up with it do long I can’t imagine.

I will never understand people who put up with thoughtless cunts for 'partners' and didn't dump at the dating stage when they showed you who they are. Of course he bought no one anything, he's a selfish wanker. Why on Earth do you keep buying him gifts? Fuck him.

My DH is honestly incredibly (I'm not boasting I promise this is relevant). He's caring, affectionate, kind and works incredible hard to support us all.

However is is fucking useless when it comes to presents. As far as I'm aware he has never been like this in previous relationships and it's really upset me quite a few times. Money has been tight so I last month I didn't get a birthday present, I did get an anniversary present (early this month) but I know I won't have a Christmas present from him. Like I said money is tight and I don't expect much but for fucks sake he could have put some thought and effort in to get me something little or even make something (he's very creative).

Despite that I do love the bones of him and I know he loves me more then anything. It doesn't stop it hurting me sometimes but honestly when push comes to shove I wouldn't change him for the world. Kind of depends what your DP is like day to day I think.

This really resonates with me. I turned 40 in November and dh literally went to the supermarket 15 minutes before it closed the day before and bought a box of chocolates and card. No thought, no care. Nothing special planned. I was so upset, I have no family here so it was just a day like every other. We did go shopping a week later and I picked perfume out but it was such an after thought it was even worse. I hardly wear perfume anyway. I know he's got nothing for me for Xmas either, I don't think he has for many years. I'm crying writing this, I didn't realise how much im still upset. He actually forgot the year before.

What makes it worse is he accuses me of lacking empathy or care for other people.

Don't give him his gift, this has to be reciprocal.

Do NOT give him the gift you bought him. Take it back and treat yourself. Don't enable his behaviour. You are worth more than this

Barbaroll- I'm sorry that you are in the same boat as me. Well gift giving came and went. As long as my girls were happy then that was fine by me. I sat away from him and gave no eye contact whatsoever( sick and tired of him) and so he was handed two small gifts from my daughters and nothing from me. My girls bought me some lovely face packs and pampering body cream, beautiful girls. He pipes up' oh thanks for that I love that moisturiser' looking at me( knowing that of course I bought it for them to give to him) I didn't open my mouth. Making tea afterwards I told him that he should have got me something. He replied 'I will' !! Stupid man. The whole point is to open something when everyone else is. They're a different breed some of them. So I've decided that next time I'm out and see something then I will tell him to buy it as the Xmas present I never got. Let's see what happens next time. Thanks everyone. Women are so thoughtful.

We dont give gifts to each other, but since unlike myself, you make an effort for him he sounds lazy. Stop getting him any gift at all, focus your generosity on some other people who appreciate it.