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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended there’s been no thank you

27 replies

FrostyThirties0 · 22/12/2017 22:26

Not Christmas present related!!

Will have to try and be a bit vague. Someone has been very close to me and my family for 5 years. Technically a ‘business relationship’ but the sort that you can’t help but get attached to each other’s families. They are now leaving the area and we won’t see them again. Ever.

I made and bought some leaving gifts. Some were quite personal to the relationship that has been built and I did get a bit emotional handing them over two nights ago. They didn’t but that’s fine of course.

They have since been in touch asking for a favour which I did. But there has been no mention of the gifts (some were wrapped so they took them home to open) or a thank you or any acknowledgement whatsoever.

I’m actually a bit hurt and wonder if I should have bothered. I don’t want to feel that way.

AIBU?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/12/2017 22:27

It doesn't sound like YBU

UrsulaPandress · 22/12/2017 22:28

How rude.

Cantuccit · 22/12/2017 22:30

I wouldn't bother again, tbh. YANBU.

MissDuke · 22/12/2017 22:34

For some reason I feel like you are their childminder? Whether you are or aren't yanbu, that certainly is hurtful Sad I guess though maybe all their energy is focussed on the move, especially with xmas too? I guess maybe there is a lot to do and a lot of loose ends to tie up. If they are usually nice and polite and grateful then maybe give them a by ball. Not that it makes it right of course.......

junebirthdaygirl · 22/12/2017 22:35

Maybe when they settle in new place they will thank everyone who gave them a send off so give it time. You did a lovely thing so hopefully they will after the mad rush of moving has passed.

JustMuddlingOn · 22/12/2017 22:47

If I received wrapped gifts this close to christmas I would save them for Christmas day, even if they weren't Christmas presents. Maybe they're doing that so didn't want to say thank you properly until they've opened them?

wednesdayswench · 22/12/2017 22:48

Maybe they are going to do something special today thank you, such as buy flowers or give you something in return...so your 'thank you' is still coming?

wednesdayswench · 22/12/2017 22:48
  • to say
Original poster
FrostyThirties0 · 22/12/2017 22:48

You may or may not be right there missduke

They aren’t moving for another month but Wednesday was the last day here.

Well there’s nowt queer as folk! It’s funny how small things can have such an effect. I feel a bit worthless.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrostyThirties0 · 22/12/2017 22:50

We’ve no plans to see them again wednesday. I’m not working and away for Christmas.

OP posts:
Ilovetolurk · 22/12/2017 22:51

It’s too soon to say OP they have not moved yet

RestingGrinchFace · 22/12/2017 22:52

They may be thank you card people. Keep an eye on your post.

Original poster
FrostyThirties0 · 22/12/2017 22:53

You wouldn’t add a thank you or acknowledgement to a text asking for another favour?

OP posts:
RefuseTheLies · 22/12/2017 22:56

..handing them over two nights ago..

Give them a chance. My DD’s birthday was three weeks ago and the thank you cards only just went out yesterday Shock

BrownLiverSpot · 22/12/2017 22:59

Did they say thank you when you gave them the gifts? They might have though that was sufficient?

Ellisandra · 22/12/2017 23:10

Did they not say thank you as you handed them over?

Although I think they are U as it's good manners to thank you once opened (and I'm fine with a text not a card!) I can see that if they verbally thanked you there and then, in their mind, the thank you is done. Might not be what I would call adequate! But in their mind not missing.

I do think that in situations like you may or may not have had Wink that the CM obviously becomes very attached to the children, but the parents see the relationship far more professionally. If you haven't done the job that you may or may not do, and you're not an emotional type, you may not 'get' how attached the CM can get.

Sucks though Flowers

eastlondoner · 22/12/2017 23:18

Is it possible they thought the gifts were for Christmas so they haven't opened them yet?

Leyani · 22/12/2017 23:32

I'm one of those people that wish they had the good sense to say the right thing automatically. But for whatever reason, I just don't seem to have the instinct of what'd be the polite or nice thing to say in situations, I really have to concentrate. When there's a hundred things going on, it's so much harder to get it right. It's awful, because many people find it easy and probably think I'm rude and ungrateful, when I'm really not. Of course I have no idea whether they are like me, but I'd be so so upset if my ineptitude made someone else feel worthless.

Leyani · 22/12/2017 23:33

..should say of course i know that thank you's are important. But I'd be prone to forget in a text about something else that's on my mind.

Only1scoop · 22/12/2017 23:37

They'll probably send a card or something for you perhaps??

Original poster
FrostyThirties0 · 23/12/2017 08:19

You could be right, a card may be on its way. But wouldn’t you bring a thank you card/say some words on the last day? There was literally no acknowledgment or thanks for doing the job I had done for 5 years.

It won’t stop me doing it next time for the next client but I am saddened that my job and the relationship means nothing to some people. I don’t expect anything in the post if I’m honest. Out of sight, out of mind.

Oh and there’s an outstanding invoice!

OP posts:
PanPanPanPing · 23/12/2017 08:34

I agree with PPs that maybe they thought the wrapped presents were for Christmas, or they're not going to open them until Christmas Day. I wouldn't be too despondent yet!

We went to a friend's significant birthday party last weekend, where we took a nice (I hope!) present and she didn't have time to open anyone's presents at the party. I'm sure she'll thank us in due course, but what with Christmas etc I doubt she'll have time to get around to it for a bit.

MrsExpo · 23/12/2017 08:44

You say they are leaving the area, so are moving house as well as it being Christmas. I think I’d hang on until they’ve moved and Christmas is over before getting too hung up about this. Sounds like they have a lot going on at present.

Ellisandra · 23/12/2017 08:51

I do understand why you're sad.
But I really do think it's because you and they have different views of the professional relationship.

My daughter was in the same small nursery for 3 years. The staff were lovely - low turnover and small rooms so several had known her 3 years. I did, btw, very much appreciate them and said so and bought gifts and thanked them when she left for school.

But honestly? When they said how wonderful she was, how much they miss her, how we must pop back in... I took it for kind politeness, and not genuine attachment or long lasting affection. It's their job. They care for many children, they are used to them coming and going. I assumed that they very quickly moved on from any temporary emotional attachment. That caring for my child was just a job. A job they did amazingly well - but still, just a job to them.

The best nursery nurse took a year in Australia. She's back, we see her out and about and she's all over my daughter! But... there wasn't an attachment so strong that when she wanted to travel, she couldn't just walk away.

I think this boils down to you seeing this as a very emotional relationship - their child is family to you. But to them, you were providing a professional service and they don't understand that you have that level of attachment.

Ellisandra · 23/12/2017 08:53

Oh and I agree with you - those saying it's Xmas, etc. I don't think there's anything more to come. Just move on and focus on how you have done a job well, and enjoyed your time doing it. And chase up that payment!

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