AIBU Not unviting inlaws for Christmas

[Craftylittlething]

Pil spend every year with sil, I’ve invited a couple of times and they have made it clear they would rather go there, spend time “with family” fair enough. Our plans have been made since early October, going to my parents. Sil decided not to invite inlaws this year as she wants a quiet family Christmas. This was decided the first week in December. We always have them for breakfast and will do this year, I feel bad that they will be alone but I would like to spend the day as I had originally planned. DH thinks they’ve made a rod for their own back by declining our invites in the past. AIBU to not cancel plans and invite them here?

YANBU at all. They should learn not to lay all their eggs in one basket.

So you would be secind best? Tgen i would say YANBU

If they've actually used the words 'with family' in the past to justify choosing SIL over you, then I'd have no qualms about not inviting them now.

Are they angling for an invite now OP?

You are absolutely not BU. Sod 'em. Enjoy the Christmas you had planned. Glad DH is in agreement.

Your DH must feel special .. not! No I wouldn’t invite them either. They made their choice, why be second best?!

So you're seeing them for breakfast on Christmas day? Surely that's enough anyway.

YANBU they should have clarified the plan sooner with your SIL.

Why on earth would you feel remotely undecided about this - especially in light of your DH's view that HIS parents have made their own bed, so to speak.

Their son is their family too yet they seem to forget that if they get a "better" offer from their daughter.

Let them own their past choices and the repercussions this year. Doing otherwise is just enabling their sibling preference twattery.

Don't feel sad for them spending the day alone, rather think of it as an opportunity for them to consider future life choices.....

I would be buying them a Kellog's variety pack...

Definitely drop in how much you are looking forward to spending Christmas 'with family' this year

My automatic response is to accommodate people who are alone at Christmas and not through choice. My mum is daft about Christmas and it’s not out of the question to invite them there, I just don’t want to.

Ok - so you either cancel going to your mother and host them yourselves or invite them to you mothers.

What does that accomplish?

I'm all for a display of Christmas spirit and have invited a number of people to my home over the years who would have otherwise been alone.

The difference is between people who are alone though circumstances beyond their control and those, like your PIL's who have been selfish in past choices leading to current circumstances.

I think your husband is spot on with his assessment of his parents.

I can't see undermining him has any value other than making you feel "good" tbh, sorry if that sounds harsh but you're coming across as a bit self serving here.

Why on earth would you cancel your plans to visit your parents 3 days before Christmas because they suddenly don't have their annual favourite invitation to their daughter's home?

Your DH is right. They have no place to go because of their own choices, not yours You have plans. Keep them.

If your sil has no guilt about leaving it so late without telling them why do you feel bad?

But go with your gut. If you think you will be worrying about them invite them but don’t expect them to change their ways in future and don’t think they will think any higher of you than than they did

Oh, and they aren't alone. They have each other. And you'll see them at a breakfast over the holidays.

If I could invite them without messing up other plans, by laying another couple of places st the table, I would. If it is inconvenient, I wouldn’t. Simple as that.

Many people like to do exactly the same thing every year at Christmas, especially as they get older. It probably never crossed their minds that your SIL would not extend the usual invitation.

Have they actually asked/dropped hints about spending the whole day with you since your SIL uninvited them? Because if they haven't, chances are you'll extend the invite, get knocked back again because you're not 'family' and feel even worse. Don't waste your time.

They’re coming for breakfast which is nice.

Stick with what you've arranged - it would be awful to ditch your parents this close to Christmas in favour of your in laws, it would make you the worst of the lot!!

I was resolute that I wasn’t changing plans until today mil didn’t ask for an invite but was very teary about “being on their own” I’m being manipulated and I know it. Just wanted a bit of perspective on it, thanks

I don't get this...you haven't said they've now asked to spend the day with you, your DH hasn't asked for them to spend the day with you, your SIL hasn't been cheeky and suggested they spend the day with you...so what is the problem?

Is it just me or are so many of these Xmas 'dilemmas' complete non-issues?

Your dh has said no, they’ve had a couple of weeks to think about it, so I say tough. They have made a rod for their own backs, as a pp said. Why did sil cancel them?

If they have started manipulation and tears it is a definite no

Been there for the t shirt and if you give in you are doomed forever.

Would you cancel on your parents for your in laws ? Unless you want them to join you all at your parents house. If it was my parents they would be so hurt by this.