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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

One upmanship pissing me off

38 replies

Introvertpants · 22/12/2017 19:09

Sis in law isn't hosting Xmas dinner this year because she is visiting her parents..im cooking for rest of the family.
On boxing day she's hosting and cooking round two Xmas dinner. Can't help but feel it's just a competition and she will try outdo me.
Every year I make dh a birthday cake and despite knowing I'm making one she makes one too. This year we invited them over for coffee and birthday cake. She brought another fucking cake.
She boasts when her dd can do things before my dd despite her dd been older. She has hurt my feelings many a time saying we need to do more practice with my dd on her bike before she takes her out to the park.
She is constantly 'shattered because she does so much...you can't be tired around her because she will have it worse.

It's exhausting. Aibu to be fucked off about Xmas dinner round two on boxing day? I was just going to bring leftovers from our meal and spare puddings hoping it would be a relaxed affair?

OP posts:

StrugglingAlbion · 22/12/2017 19:24

Nah my SIL is highly competitive and does this shite. Does my head in.

Original poster

Introvertpants · 22/12/2017 19:31

Honestly it's just hard work. Can't cook a meal without her bringing something. She can't just bring wine or sides. She's got to bring a homemade pudding despite me having one there that I've made.
She posts boast posts all over Facebook all the time. She's in constant competition and it's doing my head in.
I do not want a second Xmas dinner. No doubt we will be having a slap up meal new years day so why make a second Xmas meal....oh I know why....she can't possibly be out of the limelight and has to outstage me.

OP posts:

Amaried · 22/12/2017 19:35

Mine too but just about ds2 who is the exact same age as her ds.its exhausting, if I hear about her ds being "well able" in every single spect of his day I'll scream. The worst though is the hobbies. My ds is a little nerd and loves insects, dinosaurs and jigsaws. She went and bought books on those for her ds and then would tell me how her ds was a little expert even though he would have no interest in these topics ..
Find myself not telling her about his latest fad interests which I hate about myself!

NancyDonahue · 22/12/2017 19:39

I'd hate another xmas dinner on boxing day. What a stupid idea! Boxing day food is picking the leftovers, cheese and crackers and eating xmas chocs.

She sounds hard work. Next time she brings a cake for your dh say 'thanks that will be nice for tomorrow' and shove it in a cupboard.

When she says stuff about dds development just say 'They learn in their own time' firmly, every time. Don't let her upset you.

Good luck, op.

Elephant17 · 22/12/2017 19:45

Agree with Nancy

Feel for you op, this kind of crap does my head in.

hidengosqueak · 22/12/2017 19:47

Yup my sil too, every time and really fucks me off when her fb makes it look like me and dh don't exist. No pics of us ever but anything I do for our family she will take note of and go one better the next year.

Deemail · 22/12/2017 19:49

Don't go if it bothers you that much.

liquidrevolution · 22/12/2017 19:56

Annoying but look on the bright side, your dinner is first.

We had this few years back. Sil was away for christmas after crying when we went to my parents the year before so everyone invited to her house for xmas dinner 3 days beforehand. It was a working day so we couldnt take 2 days off to make the journey, pay for kennels for dogs and pay for hotel for us. By the time xmas day came they were all sat in silence as had used up all their conversation at the earlier dinner.

liquidrevolution · 22/12/2017 19:58

Oh and SIL insisted on facetiming us during the meal

Allthetuppences · 22/12/2017 19:59

She's massively insecure. These competitive types are. Realistic grown ups know there's always someone who will "outdo". Be smiley and supportive make lots of comments about how it's great how the kids are all getting to grow as themselves.
Or have some fun with it. Hint at growing your own veg or keeping chickens or taking up car maintenance. Then start learning another language, take up ballet, perform in a play. But that your considering etc. Watch her jump in with both feet.

JustHope · 22/12/2017 20:05

YANBU she sounds like a real PITA. In my experience people like this are actually quite insecure and things in their life are not as perfect as they seem on the boasting FB posts.

Original poster

Introvertpants · 22/12/2017 20:07

I don't want Xmas dinner again on boxing day either. There's just no need. But as I said the limelight has to be on her. She needs to be the centre of attention because she won't be on Xmas day.

She's the sort who dresses up at every occasion. Fancy dress at any opportunity....all to post on Facebook.

If she was chocolate she would eat herself.

OP posts:

MaisyPops · 22/12/2017 20:08

Her bringing another pudding seems nice and fair enough (not sure why it being home made is a particular issue). Why should it matter if it's wine or a side or a pudding? We take an extra pudding round for Christmas because you can't have too much pudding in our families and it's a nice thing to do.

The other stuff she sounds like a pain in the backside.

Launderetta · 22/12/2017 20:09

I think that SILs can be competitive / v hard work / bitchy because her brother chose you & "abandoned" her.
It's worse than the MIL thing.

My DM & DAunt play a similar (subconscious) competitive game with tiredness & illness. Once I realised what they were up to, it became bearable to be with them.

happypoobum · 22/12/2017 20:11

I would be severely limiting contact with her..........

You probably won't be feeling well enough to go on Boxing Day anyway

Original poster

Introvertpants · 22/12/2017 20:12

It matters because I've told her I've already made two puddings and I don't have any room in the fridge. Despite me telling her to just bring nibbles she brings a pudding anyway. It's because she wants to show off and get compliments not because she wants to help me out.

OP posts:

thegoodnameshadgone · 22/12/2017 20:13

She sounds incredibly insecure. If you have noticed this one up man ship then others will of have noticed also and will also be thinking the same thing. Try and be chilled and gracious which is something she will never master due to her wanting to out do you. It’s annoying and infuriating. No help on how to deal sorry it would piss me right off too

loveablether · 22/12/2017 20:14

I think the idea of casually mentioning some random stuff to bait her into outdoing it is hilarious! In all seriousness this kind of behaviour gives me the inner rage, more about how minted my brother and sil are, how expensive holidays are and how much they're spending on Ds birthday (£400)

Deep breaths, the above are right about insecurity's constantly trying to outdo and be the best. Must be fucking exhausting.

Messedupnotstressedup · 22/12/2017 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoodMorning1 · 22/12/2017 20:15

I'm not Facebook friends with one of my sister-in-laws. Saves a lot of hassle. I don't think she's noticed I unfriended her.

NoFucksImAQueen · 22/12/2017 20:16

I think that SILs can be competitive / v hard work / bitchy because her brother chose you & "abandoned" her.
It's worse than the MIL thing.

This sounds like something Freud would say

clippityclock · 22/12/2017 20:17

'oh are you black catting again?? you really need to see a therapist about your low self esteem you know. I'm so glad I don't feel the need to be like you must be so sad' tilt head to one side, walk off and sit down smiling

Original poster

Introvertpants · 22/12/2017 20:18

I wish I was brazen enough not to go to be honest.
Told dh new years day it's just us! No family. We see them all too often as both sides of family are basically in the same scheme.
I'm sick of it all already.

OP posts:

WrittenandGrown · 22/12/2017 20:19

I Would go and eat her food with gusto. Then come down with digestive symptoms the next day and make a big deal about how you are sure it wasn’t her food but is she sure the turkey was properly defrosted and cooked.

Maybe that’s a bit too evil though.

Jassmells · 22/12/2017 20:19

Don't eat anything Boxing Day. Say you are too full from your stunning meal
Yesterday

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