One upmanship pissing me off

[Introvertpants]

Sis in law isn't hosting Xmas dinner this year because she is visiting her parents..im cooking for rest of the family.
On boxing day she's hosting and cooking round two Xmas dinner. Can't help but feel it's just a competition and she will try outdo me.
Every year I make dh a birthday cake and despite knowing I'm making one she makes one too. This year we invited them over for coffee and birthday cake. She brought another fucking cake.
She boasts when her dd can do things before my dd despite her dd been older. She has hurt my feelings many a time saying we need to do more practice with my dd on her bike before she takes her out to the park.
She is constantly 'shattered because she does so much...you can't be tired around her because she will have it worse.

It's exhausting. Aibu to be fucked off about Xmas dinner round two on boxing day? I was just going to bring leftovers from our meal and spare puddings hoping it would be a relaxed affair?

Ostentatiously decline to eat much.
"Just a little turkey for me thanks - I ate so much yesterday."
"I hope you don't mind, just can't face more Christmas pudding."

Charmingly, and with much self-deprecation about how greedy you were yesterday, make her regret cooking a carbon-copy menu.

Next time she's invited to your house say 'I know you always like to contribute, pudding is organised, perhaps you could bring cheese'. She'll either have to start cheese-making, or give in & bring something she shopped for.

Good luck op. She's given me the bloody rage & I don't have to put up with her.

Try to ignore it.
It's not easy but it really is insecurity at work.
I would just say in advance 'are you bringing a pudding? Great. If you are could you bring two then I don't have to bother. It's better than me doing two and then you bringing a spare.'
If she's a good book it's win win.

I don't have this issue as my DH cooks so I don't get involved and if my sils offered to bring a pudding he wouldn't care - it's 2017, it's not the sign of being housewife of the year or anything.

cook

Tell her you're planning your next holiday to Tenerife and would she like you to pick her up a brochure for Eleverife while you're at the travel agents.

*Elevenerife

Perhaps this year you should embrace the exhausting competitiveness by announcing a Come Dine with Me theme for both meals?

All diners must award points out of ten in a secret ballot. You can count the votes thus ensuring you win and this can be announced with great fanfare on Boxing day evening.

Warning; may cause a SIL meltdown of epic proportions.

I suggest you enjoy your Christmas dinner and the people round the table and let tomorrow look after itself.

If it helps, a friend's father once hired a fancy car to take his family to his brother's farm for Christmas. The next year his brother took a helicopter to his farm for Christmas. Both families turned on them for wasting so much money and ordered them to make a big donation to charity each year thereafter! Oneupmanship doesn't impress anyone...

Be a bit late and tell her you are full as you stopped off at McDonald's!!
Dare you!!

The thing is she can’t really make you feel like this, only you can do that. you seriously need to embrace the ‘smile, nod, ignore’ technique.

Just thank her for what she brings and move on without giving it a second thought. She is clearly not bothered at all so the only person getting angry/frustrated is you.

2 roast dinners isn’t the end of the world,eat what you want and thank, extra puddings always welcome, smile, nod, move on.

You will have a much happier Christmas if you practice this technique.

I find the smile, nod, gulp down some wine technique even more effective

I would just say in advance 'are you bringing a pudding? Great. If you are could you bring two then I don't have to bother. It's better than me doing two and then you bringing a spare.'
This.
If she's going to do it anyway and it's not done to be helpful (in our situation family do 2 puddings and we bring a 3rd and some bubbly. MIL says 'don't worry about it' but then appreciates not having to mess on doing another one on boxing day when we'll inevitably have ran out) then save yourself the work and delegate to her.

Then anything else competative, don't bite. Mucj easier to smile, nod and run with it politely but without fuss. Plus it will annoy her

I do smile and nod and fake my way through it because I don't like confrontation.
Not a lot I can do other than go along with it really is there.
I like the idea of not eating a lot though, I probably won't want to anyway after a huge meal the day before.

I know what you mean about the extra pudding. Ultimate passive aggressive, she thinks you can’t manage, hers is better etc. Stop her at the door and ask her to put it back in the car, there is literally no room in the fridge and you did tell her. Avoid Boxing Day, why have you agreed to it?!

She’s being fucking rude bringing your dh another birthday cake. Again, tell her not to. If she still does, meet her at the door, ask her to put it away, you’ve got him one and it’s rude of her, which quite frankly, it bloody is. She would get short shrift from me. I’d be all oh, massive surprise, but we have pudding/cake, what made you think we needed another, oh you’re so silly, sil!

Rude, I know, but she’s very rude to you and can’t be allowed to go on forever like this. Tinkly laugh when she says how shattered she is, yes, sil, roll eyes, always the most tired, dear, you’d think it was a competition or something, ha ha. Ugh, she’d drive me nuts!