To keep misjudging presents!

[Winnerwinneryummydinner]

Aibu to ask what other people do about misjudging presents. I know it’s the thought that counts, but I’m either left looking really generous or really stingy and I can never judge it right!
For example, good friend spent around £10 on each of my children, and £10 on me and DH so probably £30. We exchanged gifts yesterday and we got the adults nothing and a few token bits for £5 for their LO.
Then last week some new ish friends gave us a wrapped box of roses, but in exchange we had bought them £20 of wine! I don’t mind when I’ve spent substantially more than the other person, but I feel really stingy just buying token gifts when other people have gone all out.
I’m seeing first set of friends again before Xmas, but can’t exactly just whip out another present just for the adults after exchanging gifts already? Or would other people find a last minute gift?
How do people deal with this?!
I suffer from anxiety and it plays on my mind.

I always have the spare ‘unmarked’ box of Thornton’s wrapped and bottles of nice wine in bags as spares just in case theirs is better than ours, with a “honey, did you remember that other present? I nearly forgot it, I’ll just grab it from the car/under the tree”
I’m shit at judging this stuff too

Maybe they misjudged, not you? I would probably think to myself, both parties misjudged a bit and we'll probably meet in the middle next year and do better! Try not to worry about it. Easier said than done though I know. Social stuff is a minefield!

If you were seeing the first set of friends again before xmas I would take them a nice bottle of wine or something and make up some excuse about having forgotten it the other day.

Exactly the same as greyponcho! Thornton’s chocolates and spare wine on the side.

Helpful for those who drop in too!

We were at their house so couldn’t really whip anything extra out! Will it look dodgy if I give them an extra gift tomorrow when I see them? Or just leave it now?

I'd give them an extra gift. Happens to all of us!

If you can go and buy them a nice bouquet of flowers and say, we wanted to wait until as near to Christmas as possible so they didn't die!

Good plan Rossi, will steal that idea!

That’s genius!!! Let’s just hope they don’t come on here and catch me out!!!

I don't think it matters whether you give gifts of the same cost.

I also have spare presents in case.

I would leave it now. Maybe bring a nice cake or buns for everyone to eat but no afterthought present.

I am terrible at this too (and will be leaving spare box of chocs on the car now - genius) BUT I always feel so shitty if I've come off stingy that I'd almost rather it were that way round. As in, assuming everyone else also hates being seen as stingy then I'll take the hit so that they don't feel bad.

Of course that sounds really tight and awful written down and I do try to gauge gifts correctly!

You could agree beforehand on your budget.

Listen, anyone who judges you for not getting them a "good enough" present is not your friend, so the embarrassment is all in your head and it doesn't matter.

You know this is true, because you didn't mind the box of Roses in exchange for case of wine. You came off "worst" in that exchange, but you weren't bothered, were you?

It's the thought that counts/your presence not your presents etc.

We all feel a bit embarrassed if we get it "wrong", but it really isn't anything that needs fixing.

Buy them a lovely unexpected surprise for the next time you see them. Don't engineer an "extra" present now.

They are both newish friends thinking about it, and last year we didn’t know them well enough for gifts! Hence the confusion this year! And us entirely missing a gift for one couple!

If someone gets you a gift are you obliged to reciprocate? I don't feel obliged. And if I got someone something and they get me something of higher value, I don't see why I have to feel bad about the difference in value - my budget is different to their budget.

I haven’t misjudged but we are part of a group of 3 families and one mum tends to change the plan every year!

So the first year we did nothing at Christmas - which is normal to me as we don’t generally buy for friends. The next year she announced a token gesture between the children. The year after we turned up ( we always meet up for Christmas drinks) and there was a present for children and the mums - which I hadn’t planned for. This year... everyone is getting a present! However I only discovered this yesterday and Christmas meet is tomorrow meaning I’ve had to go out and buy extras!!

I’ve put forward the idea of a secret Santa next year...

AND for the first time ever this year my ironing lady (just does DH shirts) and only charges me £6 a week bless her, got me a present in return when I wasn’t expecting one.
Get her a bottle of prosecco each year to say thanks for her help and now this year she’s got us a box of fancy biscuits in return! Surely she shouldn’t be reciprocating when I’m getting her a gift to say thank you?!

Funny- I had a big box of chocolates off my cleaning lady today and I had given nothing to her. Not intentional but you shoppjng tomorrow.
However she knows I'm going away shopping tomorrow night as I have so much left to get- so I will pick up a gift for her and her 4 children tomorrow and take it to her Christmas Eve.

Some of the ideas on tbis thread are bloody genius! I’m the same, made a twat of myself last year buying a friend a white company make up bag, when she bought me nothing. I judged it completely wrongly, we haven’t done gifts for a few years and I forgot that. I worried I made her feel awful. I’ve just had a big discussion with my husband about gifts and we’re slowly heading towards a £10 gift to each other each year and that’s it. It gets so difficult the older you get. Neither of us or our friends ‘need’ anything. But anyhow the bouquet of flowers a really good idea, I’d do that.

It’s a mine field isn’t it! I was also debating making some home made truffles or fudge tomorrow anyway, so may gift a bit of that as extras! And say I didn’t have time to make until the weekend!

i have misjudged the other way round this year, there are four of us ladies in our team at work and we buy each other a small present each for christmas, i bought thoughtful presents and the two( yes two) who have bought for me just by the packaging have bought me lindor and ferroro chocolates which shows oh issey likes chocs that will do,

and at our motorbike club last year the vice chairs wife bought the ladies in the club (4 of us) a nice wee pressie , (i bought for them too) and this year i bought all four of them a nice pressie, what did i get back nothing not one thing,

and as im off work at the moment i probably wont get my secret santa pressie till after christmas , so my pressie opening on monday will take all of two minutes being as Oh has already bought my lovely winter jacket i wanted as the weather turned cold

I genuinely don’t understand why you have to reciprocate at all and why it must be the same value. Surely the pleasure should be in the giving?

One of my cousins sends DD a present every Christmas and we thank her but I have never bought her anything in return. I guess if that bothered her she’d stop sending presents

Also I usually spend more money on the small group of relatives than they spend on me but I earn more and don’t buy for as many people so I can afford it and I enjoy choosing and buying them a nice gift. I would never expect them to feel they had to ‘match’ the value of the gift, I hand my budget and they have theirs

I give presents when I feel like it, circumstances allow etc. That means sometimes I get without giving. Sometimes I give without getting. I'm OK with that. But maybe that counts as being shit at these things. I have a few close treasured friends. Few of the social obligation acquaintance type friends.

I already know deep down we've misjudged the presents for 2 families this year and we haven't even exchanged them yet.