To keep misjudging presents!

[Winnerwinneryummydinner]

Aibu to ask what other people do about misjudging presents. I know it’s the thought that counts, but I’m either left looking really generous or really stingy and I can never judge it right!
For example, good friend spent around £10 on each of my children, and £10 on me and DH so probably £30. We exchanged gifts yesterday and we got the adults nothing and a few token bits for £5 for their LO.
Then last week some new ish friends gave us a wrapped box of roses, but in exchange we had bought them £20 of wine! I don’t mind when I’ve spent substantially more than the other person, but I feel really stingy just buying token gifts when other people have gone all out.
I’m seeing first set of friends again before Xmas, but can’t exactly just whip out another present just for the adults after exchanging gifts already? Or would other people find a last minute gift?
How do people deal with this?!
I suffer from anxiety and it plays on my mind.

I'm really good at this! The trick is to use your money creatively.
As an example last year the woman who got my secret santa was really happy with my gift: I bought two very intricate chocolates from a chocolatier, a second hand novel, and wrapped them in a pretty silk scarf thing I found in a charity shop.

It cost the same as a box of chocolates from the supermarket. I guesa the point is if you put a bit of thought into your gifts, the price becomes irrelevant to how people feel about it.

I really cannot understand how we have allowed ourselves to get drawn into this cycle of waste. I am trying to extricate myself but it is not easy.

twiney - clearly you are creative and I am sure your friend loved what she had been given but so many people here buying wine and chocs for the sake of seeming generous but worrying that they have not given enough/have given too much. So where is the generosity?

Others who think that wine and chocs = no thought but assume that because they have thought about a present someone else will like it. In my experience that is unlikely.

We frequently see on here "I gave thoughtful presents..." We rarely see "I received thoughtful presents". Generally I'd prefer Waitrose Vouchers or wine to "pretty earrings that I could not afford to buy for myself". (If I can't afford them what makes you think I can afford to reciprocate..??)

So there are millions of people rushing round Tesco grabbing emergency chocs, wine and flowers to give to each other - none of whom really the want the chocs wine or flowers that they will undoubtedly receive from someone else in their turn.

And has anyone ever received a "token" that is of use or valued for any longer than the five minutes after it has been opened?

Sorry - am a Grinch I know.

Secret Santa - I saw a thread on here about whether you would be happy with socks as a Secret Santa present. Opinion divided 50.50 - mainly falling into the "lovely and practical" or the "boring and slightly offensive" camps. Chocs are seen as "thoughtless" or "nice and safe".

I bought socks and received chocs. Would have preferred to have received socks as have piles of chocs in the house and am trying to eat less sugar. The woman who got the socks seemed "pleased" but I could tell she thought WTF?? Socks?? What a waste of everyone's time and money!

I always buy spares of nice chocolates and wine too. Have lots of birthdays in January so if they don't get used for Christmas I can just use up then.

I will definitely be copying the wine/thorntons idea. I will be hoping beyond hope that I have not misjudged anything so I get to drink/eat the 'spares

I reckon you should just give the gift you want to give and not worry about value/matching.

I do pretty much exactly the same as Greyponcho. Keep some bottles of fizz and Barolo wrapped to one side in case of SPA*.

*sudden present awkwardness

Bought some ingredients for homemade fudge so think I’ll give those out. As not had time to make any until today.

Well, I'm with you, Mirai. I find the cost/anxiety/waste of buying token presents for people who you're not that close to really quite unnecessary. But clearly it fulfils a need at some level.

I do agree with you Mirai, wholeheartedly, but it's just so hard to put an end to the whole charade. And the bigger picture of excessive gift giving doesn't factor in when there's that one ten
friend/colleague/relative you know would be terribly offended.

I don't think chocs and wine and the worst offenders though - at least they get eaten or passed to another willing recipient. It's the endless useless plastic tat and gag gifts that provide 5 minutes of entertainment that seem the most wasteful.