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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex on benefit 7 years now

31 replies

Surreal18 · 22/12/2017 11:27

Am I being unreasonable that I'm pissed off with my ex sits on a benefit for 7 years now while I work two jobs, have the children 8 days a fortnight. And his excuse is " its my home job". What the hell ? What does that teach my kids, work ethic? I pay almost 1000 a month in child support because he's violent and a control freak.

OP posts:
Violletta · 22/12/2017 11:29

if you have 50/50 why are you paying him?

if you work less then you will get paid less and then you will pay him less?

endofthelinefinally · 22/12/2017 11:30

You shouldnt be paying him anything.

stella23 · 22/12/2017 11:31

You must be a high earner to be handing over 1000£ per month honestly get a better solicitor, or a hit man ( light hearted)

Indigo911 · 22/12/2017 11:31

I’d be unhappy about it too. Benefits should be there for those who need them during difficult times, not those who want to spend 8 years out of work for no good reason. If he has a debilitating illness or something then fair enough, but if he just wants to be at home because he can’t be bothered working a proper job then he’s taking the piss.

ManchesterGinglebells · 22/12/2017 11:31

Surely if you do slightly more days, you shouldn't be paying him anything?

Original poster
Surreal18 · 22/12/2017 11:32

Its different here in NZ. When your on a benefit the worker is required to pay. Its set in stone

OP posts:
Original poster
Surreal18 · 22/12/2017 11:34

No I'm not, I've got two elder kids to support and a grandchild. Its different here.

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Original poster
Surreal18 · 22/12/2017 11:36

That's the one Indigo. I don't have a worry when anyone being on a benefit staying at home but here its different. Kiddies are 15 and 8 now no reason to get part time job only laziness

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Original poster
Surreal18 · 22/12/2017 11:40

Lol my elder two daughters want a hit man I said no :). He's violent but we just stay quiet

OP posts:
Indigo911 · 22/12/2017 11:40

He sounds chronically lazy then. Why would he not want more for his and his kid’s lives. I don’t get it.
Is it hard to find jobs in NZ or is he just a leech?

Original poster
Surreal18 · 22/12/2017 11:53

Its not so hard to find jobs here, yes he's a leech. He said he had no problem living off me. I don't have a worry with anyone on a benefit I've been there but I'm trying to teach my children work ethic aside from our violent history. Hope that makes sense

OP posts:
LesDennishair · 22/12/2017 11:56

Is that how it works in New Zealand, OP? Wow! That doesn't sound right,.

Original poster
Surreal18 · 22/12/2017 11:58

Its not about him or the money, its about the violence

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Original poster
Surreal18 · 22/12/2017 11:59

Yes it does :)

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x2boys · 22/12/2017 12:04

How does the system work in new Zealand are people allowed to just sit around not working and claiming benefits for no particular reason ? It's hard to comment when its a different country with different rules etc.

Original poster
Surreal18 · 22/12/2017 12:05

Thank you for replies nothing has really helped.

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 22/12/2017 12:09

Is the violence why he can't get/keep a job? IE is he violent to everyone/got a record of assault convictions?

Hopefully he'll pick on someone more dangerous than him some day...

nornironlady · 22/12/2017 12:32

If you do have 8 nights then you need to contact Child Benefit - you are the primary carer based on what you are saying. They will usually suspend the claim to your ex while investigating the circumstances. I presume you have a pretty high income for a £250 p/wk assessment. This was unusual IME working in CMS in the past. Your shared care is over 50% so you need to get this looked into. Under the current welfare reform going on, it's highly unlikely your ex will be able to continue to not work.

glow1984 · 22/12/2017 12:38

norn please read the thread, she's in NZ!

nornironlady · 22/12/2017 12:38

Apologies, I skim read and missed your location. This is highly unfair, I'm shocked at the system!

innagazing · 22/12/2017 12:43

nonironlady
The op has said they live in New Zealand.
Is he violent to the children? Should they be going there for 6 days out of 14?

innagazing · 22/12/2017 12:45

x posted!I
OP- Is it possible for you to work less hours and then pay him considerably less?

RunningOutOfCharge · 22/12/2017 12:54

Why is he not forced to look for work?

RebelRogue · 22/12/2017 13:24

How did he end up on benefits?
I know the system is different, but surely it's not as easy as saying "I don't wanna work" if you're fit and able, and keep getting benefits?

Original poster
Surreal18 · 22/12/2017 21:16

I don't know, he was with my eldest but she was his stepdaughter. I've seen a few things over the past two years, 13 year old with black eye that she lied about son 8 came home last week with a purple nose from him and father "playing". I left and took my eldest two because I couldn't get the two youngsters out without him exploding

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