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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not offer a Christmas visitor an alcoholic drink?

50 replies

OfficerGrant · 21/12/2017 17:59

Because he is driving? He always drinks and drives. And seemed put out not to be offered. But I think driving after having alcohol is really irresponsible.
So mumsnet AIBU?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 21/12/2017 18:00

Yeah a bit unreasonable given that you can legally have one drink and a drive. Also you're not the police and he should be responsible enough to monitor his own drinking.

Whosthebestbabainalltheworld · 21/12/2017 18:01

I think it’s fair enough. Your hospitality, so your choice of what to offer...

Ginmakesitallok · 21/12/2017 18:02

Not in Scotland you can't shox

dinosaurkisses · 21/12/2017 18:03

YANBU, I'd be the same. If someone wants to drink and drive there's not much I can do about it, but I can make sure it's not under the influence of alchohol I've provided them with.

If someone has an accident and hurt themselves or someone else I don't think I could rest easy knowing I'd given them a drink in the knowledge they'd be driving afterwards

Pengggwn · 21/12/2017 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pengggwn · 21/12/2017 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itsgettinghotinhere80 · 21/12/2017 18:04

YANBU, regardless of whether it's legal drinking anything and driving is irresponsible imo.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 21/12/2017 18:05

In what way did he seem "a bit put out" that you didn't offer him alcohol?

secmumlaley · 21/12/2017 18:05

I don't think it's unreasonable. It's your house and rightly or wrongly you would feel guilty if someone got hurt by his drink driving.

Wolfiefan · 21/12/2017 18:06

Offer soft drink options. I wouldn't drink and drive or offer alcohol to someone driving.

PurpleDaisies · 21/12/2017 18:07

How much does he usually drink?

IrkThePurist · 21/12/2017 18:07

Yanbu, and you aren't the only one that won't offer booze to a driver.

lastqueenofscotland · 21/12/2017 18:09

I'm a bit stuck on this one, I like a drink but I wouldn't have so much as a sip if I was driving. But there are people I know who's cars I would happily get in if they had had one drink...
As long as it's the legal limit I feel it's a bit patronising...

Rachie1973 · 21/12/2017 18:09

If you are not offering alcohol to anyone full stop that's fine.

To not offer someone because you won't allow it is not fine.

I wouldn't touch a drop and drive. My Dad would have a beer and drive. Its our responsibility, not yours.

Johnnycomelately1 · 21/12/2017 18:09

YABU if having one drink would be legal and if you’re generally offering other guests alcoholic drinks. If it’s 10am and everyone’s drinking tea then YANBU

MollyHuaCha · 21/12/2017 18:10

URNBU

PurplePumpkinHead · 21/12/2017 18:11

I don't have alcohol in the house. Does that make me a poor host for not offering?? It is perfectly acceptable to only offer tea/coffee/water etc.

IamalsoSpartacus · 21/12/2017 18:11

YANBU. The official police advice is don't even have one if you're driving.

BigChocFrenzy · 21/12/2017 18:12

NBU
Drink-driving kills so many.
And the OP knows already that this particular person drinks & drives often

If the OP offers a drink, how can she make sure it is not more than the limit - except by pouring it herself and refusing to give a double or 2nd ?
Rationing is often more offensive than a quick "I'll just offer soft drinks as you'll be driving"

Also, the OP may suspect he already had alcohol before he visited her.

LookingForwardToChristmas · 21/12/2017 18:12

You are not obliged to offer anyone alcohol but it is controlling to not do so because he is driving and you have made a decision for him. It’s a bit like refusing to offer a pregnant woman liquor chocolates (like my mother!).

Evelynismyspyname · 21/12/2017 18:14

You'd be a bit unreasonable not to have a low alcohol beer in for him if you are all drinking.

Not offering anyone alcohol is totally fine in every way, and a good idea if you know this person is coming over and will drink drive if alcohol is available, offering some guests alcohol and drinking yourself whilst pointedly offering him a coffee or a glass of water is a bit unreasonable as it's so patronising.

Does he drink over the limit (if you're somewhere where it is legal to have one small drink and drive)? Or do you not like him having a small glass of wine/ half a beer but know he stops at one and will be under the legal limit? It's legitimate not to like him doing that but you do then look unreasonable if he's not breaking the law but you are policing him anyway, especially if others are drinking alcohol while he is there.

Original poster
OfficerGrant · 21/12/2017 18:22

Live in England. In his 60s and doesn't quite get that it's not OK to have 2 bottles of real ale or quite a bit of red wine and drive.
I just feel really responsible, what if the drink he had at our house was the one before an accident?

Perhaps it was controlling but drink driving annoys me so much! I think I just wanted to make the point once in my own house.

OP posts:
Original poster
OfficerGrant · 21/12/2017 18:23

Small glasses of wine don't exist in this family!

OP posts:
Johnnycomelately1 · 21/12/2017 18:23

Ok - if he’s drinking over the limit then YANBU

BigChocFrenzy · 21/12/2017 18:24

The OP is posting he always drinks & drives - if this is driving at more than the limit, then he clearly is not responsible enough to decide himself

For her own peace of mind, she is entitled to refuse to be an accessory to his future accident