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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not offer a Christmas visitor an alcoholic drink?

50 replies

OfficerGrant · 21/12/2017 17:59

Because he is driving? He always drinks and drives. And seemed put out not to be offered. But I think driving after having alcohol is really irresponsible.
So mumsnet AIBU?

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 21/12/2017 18:24

I don't think it's controlling not to enable someone to break the law and potentially kill someone.
Nobody can know exactly how much any one person can safely drink and then drive. Better to have no alcohol in your system when in charge of a bloody great vehicle that can travel at speed!

BulletFox · 21/12/2017 18:25

Could you just do mulled cider? It's hot, warming, and has low alcohol content

But if you don't want to do any alc drinks that's fine.

StrawBasket · 21/12/2017 18:25

It's your home, you offer what you want!

I know some countries where you become legally responsible for serving drinks to a known driver. Without going that far, who wouldn't feel horribly guilty if you learn that the person you helped getting drunk or just over the limit ended up killing someone?

BigChocFrenzy · 21/12/2017 18:25

some people think laws don't apply to them

Pengggwn · 21/12/2017 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClareB83 · 21/12/2017 18:29

YANBU.

Just act as though it's obvious he can't drink because he's driving and offer a soft drink.

Autumnskiesarelovely · 21/12/2017 18:32

YANBU at all. I think these life or death responsibilities are for us a community - not ‘each to their own’.

If he’s putting just his own health at risk I’d be uncomfortable.
That he’s potentially putting others lives at risk... I would have no problem reading him the riot act. Peer pressure and cultural norms make a difference. Put your voice in that difference.

Original poster

OfficerGrant · 21/12/2017 18:34

Clare that's what I did.

Mulled cider sounds lovely, and will look into doing that for next time. Great idea thanks.

OP posts:

Notevilstepmother · 21/12/2017 18:37

Sometimes I make mulled red grape juice with a little orange juice as an alcohol free option. Just heat it in a pan with the mulled wine spices as usual.

PigletJohn · 21/12/2017 18:38

there seems to be an assumption that "had a few drinks but probably under the limit" is OK.

It is not OK, it increases your chances of killing me, or someone else.

The first drink makes the second drink more likely. You don't know what else they've had.

When a widow or orphan says to you "you knew he was going to drive, but you gave him alcohol" what's your excuse?

Wolfiefan · 21/12/2017 18:40

Alcohol affects driving ability. I won't drink and drive. I know for certain I won't ever break the law or cause an accident through drunk driving. Would rather be sober than borderline.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 21/12/2017 18:42

YANBU. I would not offer alcohol to someone who is driving and I would judge - and don't give a shit if someone wants to be sneery about it.

I never drink and drive. I don't ever want to be in a position where I've been in an RTA and injured someone else, and wondering if the outcome might have been different if I hadn't had a drink. It's not worth it.

seafooodplatter · 21/12/2017 18:43

Very patronising of you if alcohol was offered to other visitors.

Under the limit is fine, and the drivers call. Not yours.

Rudgie47 · 21/12/2017 18:46

Not patronizing at all not to offer him an alcoholic drink.
It would be rude not to offer a drink at all,so I'd offer, tea, coffee, water, or fizzy pop.

Evelynismyspyname · 21/12/2017 18:48

Officer given your update would it be an option not to serve alcohol when this guest is invited.

You know that he will drink over the limit. Just don't invite him to alcohol based social gatherings.

Does he insist on driving? Does he live he taxi distance from you? I guess the other option is to call him a taxi, but he'd probably be just as offended by that. As he drinks a lot and drives you are not unreasonable not to serve him alcohol if he's driving, but I'd be tempted simply not to invite him!

Weedsnseeds1 · 21/12/2017 18:52

Cider is up to 8.5 ABV ( over that it's technically fruit wine). It wouldn't be a low alcohol option here ( West Country)!
I don't drink at all if driving but I wouldn't have a problem with someone having one drink, especially if they were eating and staying a few hours.
In your case it sounds like he would drink whatever he " judged" to be enough and end up way over the limit, so I think it's fair enough to block all access.

IamalsoSpartacus · 21/12/2017 18:53

Make it a house rule that anyone who is driving doesn't get offered a drink.

I have several friends who have this rule, it's not controlling, it's just common sense.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 21/12/2017 18:55

Not in Scotland you can't shox

Your incorrect ginmakes You can drink in Scotland, and drive, you can drink 50mg in every 100ml of blood. Its been lowered by 30mg, so equates to have a half a pint roughly.

Laiste · 21/12/2017 19:03

I think it's off to request or expect alcohol from a host if you're driving. Potential to make the host and others feel quite awkward.

It's very socially unacceptable to drink and drive these days or cause concern over weather you are over the limit or not.

You're driving. You can cope without just one surely?

Viviennemary · 21/12/2017 19:03

No I wouldn't offer a drink to somebody who is driving. If they asked for one not sure I'd let them have it. I'd say no you shouldn't be drinking as you're driving. And if they don't like it well then too bad.

expatinscotland · 21/12/2017 19:03

YANBU

greenlynx · 21/12/2017 19:09

YANBU. But it depends, is it a party or just this person for dinner? I would try offer the same for everyone, so I won't have wine if my only guest is having water, if it's a big party it's more difficult. May be offer him 0% beer?

Butterymuffin · 21/12/2017 19:11

YANBU. You don't have to offer anything you want, for whatever reason you want. I agree with your view on it, BTW.

SirGawain · 21/12/2017 19:24

Yeah a bit unreasonable given that you can legally have one drink and a drive. Also you're not the police and he should be responsible enough to monitor his own drinking.
You cannot legally drink anything and drive. The law requires that you do not have more than a certain amount of alcohol in your blood/breath. It does not stipulate the amount of alcohol that you may or may not drink. You are either above or below the limit.

BeerBaby · 21/12/2017 19:29

So before you even offer alcohol you say "who's the driver?" Then list the none alcoholic drink options. Personally as we don't drink we offer alcohol free drinks and have a thin selection of alcoholic drinks. Its never been an issue.

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