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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate smokers

40 replies

Elsouth · 21/12/2017 10:47

Out with the in laws today and both mil and gmil smoke and I hate it. My youngest suffers from viral wheezes and currently has a cold so I'm paranoid about him ending up in hospital again and one thing that can make him worse is smoking. DH smokes at work and when they are in bed (it's a big issue!) but I hate that these two women can't go a day out without smoking. DH would never smoke near them because I'd flip at him. As soon as they get out the car they smoke, I walk ahead to avoid him inhaling it but if they go to hold him I know he will breathe it in and everyone will act like I'm a twat. Both these women have granddaughters with asthma and they stay at theirs too. And neither seem to see it as an issue.

Am I being completely unreasonable to detest this? I know I don't smoke and can't appreciate it being an addiction but how hard is it to go half a day without really

OP posts:
BulletFox · 21/12/2017 10:50

Elsouth I smoke and agree with you!

SparklyLeprechaun · 21/12/2017 10:50

Did you ask them not to smoke around your child?

HuskyMcClusky · 21/12/2017 10:51

YANBU.

I used to smoke, and I can confirm that it’s very possible to abstain for half a day. They’re inconsiderate.

DopeyDazy · 21/12/2017 10:51

always amazed at how weak smokers are cant go for long without lighting up. Where I worked they were outside every hour or so and it was accepted but I couldn't have a cake break for 10 minutes. Should be taxed out of existence

feeeeona · 21/12/2017 10:52

YANBU They don't even have to go without, they could take it elsewhere. Maybe DH could have a word.

DartmoorDoughnut · 21/12/2017 10:54

I’m currently a smoker again (until the new year!) but only do it outside and only at home, never take them out with me. So inconsiderate! Hope your DS is ok

ButtMuncher · 21/12/2017 10:55

I have smoked in the past and I agree entirely with you!

RebelRogue · 21/12/2017 10:58

Ohhh we haven't had one of these in ages 😬

peachgreen · 21/12/2017 11:07

TBH I'd be more concerned about my DH smoking, given your child is around him every day.

littlepeas · 21/12/2017 11:08

I'm surprised by the measured responses so far - most anti-smoking posters get flamed from what I've seen on here!! I'm with you op - I can't stand smoking.

Anxiousally · 21/12/2017 11:10

My son has had repeated bronchiolitis and viral wheeze he's on inhalers and montelukast. My mum smokes and although she does her best to not smoke around DS when we're out with her she lights up and I can smell it so I know he's breathing it in too and it makes me mad that she doesn't care enough to not do it around him after seeing how poorly he has been in hospital. YANBU

1wokeuplikethis · 21/12/2017 11:12

The problem is as a smoker, a pack a day smoker, you need to smoke at least once an hour otherwise you feel narky, tetchy, twitchy and unhappy. Also as a smoker you can't tell how foul the smoke is and how strong it is because you just can't! You don't think it's that bad and certainly don't realise you still smell after having a cig.

As an ex smoker I am now fully aware of how unpleasant and cloying the residual smoke smell is.

Clearly you feel strongly about this op and with good reason regarding your son. I think you're going to have to be firm and ask them not to smoke around him because it affects his breathing, but keep the peace a bit by saying you don't mind it but you feel it has an adverse affect on him.

I don't think it's too much to ask. Have you mentioned it to them before? They might be completely oblivious.

ThymeLord · 21/12/2017 11:13

So they are smoking outside, not in the house or car? If it's just outside then I can't see how it can be more harmful than car exhaust fumes. Although I appreciate that you will worry more if you have a child that is ill.

1wokeuplikethis · 21/12/2017 11:14

I imagine if you asked them not to smoke at all for a day/half day around him they would take agin you. A compromise is the way forward.

Sonders · 21/12/2017 11:15

I agree OP, my mum is a borderline chainsmoker and it's just gross. I can't get over the stubborn denial around it too, it's like asking her to not smoke for a short period of time is a personal attack on her.

Her health is currently awful, every time I speak on the phone she's wheezing, and the only two other smokers (her immediate blood relatives) in the family are both dealing with cancer at the moment - but of course it can't possibly happen to her too.

witherwings · 21/12/2017 11:21

I agree with you completely OP. It's a disgusting habit. The smoke breathed out and smell on someone can be harmful to the vulnerable for up to 20 minutes after the cigarette has been put out. I can't understand why anyone would want to smell like that.
My mum has emphysema and still smokes despite asking her not too.

HardAsSnails · 21/12/2017 11:21

It seems a bit unfair to blame and hate them when your child's father is smoking at home...

franktheskank · 21/12/2017 11:34

I'm a smoker and I don't think yabu.

However have you actually asked them not to smoke around your son? Have you told them you'd rather they didn't hold him when they've just smoked? It's not unreasonable to ask these things.

Nanny0gg · 21/12/2017 11:40

To be fair, the smoking would have been a dealbreaker for me and I wouldn't have married a smoker in the first place...

Does he smoke inside the house?

CaptainChristmas · 21/12/2017 11:41

Another former smoker who thinks yanbu. They are being very inconsiderate.

TDHManchester · 21/12/2017 11:51

I dont HATE smokers and im sure thats not what you really ment.

What i do hate is the effects of their effluvia. Where ever you go it seems to waft in your direction. I hate going in smokers houses as even if they are not actively smoking, the smell gets on your clothes. I wouldn't date a female who smoked.

Having said that it must be a terrible addiction. I was in an airport a few months ago in a country where tobacco is very cheap. (Catch em young). The tobacco aisles were rammed with people stocking up. The pics on the packets are enough to make your stomach churn and yet still they consume it.

There is only one solution. Buy shares in British American Tobacco and you will do well. Also buy shares in Diageo, the big name behind many popular alcohol brands,,you cant go wrong. It brings in capital growth and income, lots of tax for HM Government and best of all it kills off people prematurely once they are too knackered to work and become a burden on the state.

CaptainChristmas · 21/12/2017 11:56

YY to not “hating smokers” though. I don’t think that is what the op meant to say.

It’s an awful addiction. I smoked for a relatively short time (thankfully), before the penny dropped and I quit fairly easily. I can’t imagine smoking for decades and trying to give that up. It must seem like an impossible task. I hate the tobacco companies, not the people who are addicted to it.

liminality · 21/12/2017 11:58

I wouldn't date a female who smoked.
Women. We're called women.
You sound like a charmer.

UANBU OP. It can be very hard for people who have no inclination to quit to accept how they are damaging their own health, let alone anyone elses. Have you tried asking your hubby to read Allen Carr's Quit Smoking book? It's supposed to be very effective, even for those who don't want to quit.
As for your MIL & GMIL, perhaps set them up two chairs at the very bottom of the garden? With an ashtry, and try and contain them?

Snowman41 · 21/12/2017 12:04

I think it's a bit U tbh. They are smoking outside. I'm not a smoker and I intensely dislike it but I think if they are not in an enclosed space with your DC then it's fair enough.

I also can't quite see why you are directing anger towards them when your own DH is a smoker and in direct contact regularly with DC

Goldenhandshake · 21/12/2017 12:10

YANBU, my mum is a chain smoker, but is in complete denial about how much she smokes, and cannot seem to grasp why I detest it. The smell makes me feel ill.

Although you cannot stop people smoking outside, you can request they stay away from your son whilst doing so, and leave some time from finishing a cigarette and picking him up etc.

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