What are you supposed to do if you are being mugged?

[NameChangedAndForgotOldName]

Clear up an argument for me....
Do you fight back?
Or
Hand over what they want?

When it happened to me I froze completely. I then felt burning all up my legs which must have been adrenaline. I handed over my (very small amount of) money immediately and didn’t speak.

Apologies if you think it’s hyperbolic lipstick but I would say that calling someone incredibly selfish if they have a family shaming, when talking about their reactions to a mugging. Do you think otherwise?

Like most people have said you should throw down and run away.

Never been mugged. Like to think I would follow the safest sanest advice above but I'm not sure. I was on a bus, late at night in a really dodgy area when I was maybe 17. A gang of lads started beating the shit out of some bloke, I was thinking someone should do something when the bus driver stopped and opened the doors. Then I realised I had stood up and grabbed the one kicking him in a bear hug. As soon as I realised what I was doing I let go in shock and he legged it. Still can't believe it and it was over a decade ago.

Evidently, I do.clue being hyperbole
But you know I think differently so it’s null point

i find it a tad difficult to understand - those saying they’d want their DH to hand over & not fight.

its a difference upbringing/living in different areas maybe, but my DP was jumped by 3-4 guys in august and he fought them all off. he ended up with some bruises on his elbow. he’s 6ft1 and 90kg though. he said he was just swinging them off him.

im proud of him for that, id like to think id do the same. thats the glaswegian in me i guess

i find it a tad difficult to understand - those saying they’d want their DH to hand over & not fight

Because wanting somebody you love to put themselves in harm's way is very strange. It's quite obvious that by fighting back you are more likely to be injured or worse than if you are compliant. And most people do not want their loved ones to be injured or worse. That's easy to understand, isn't it?

Your DP was lucky. I'm not sure that's worthy of your pride. As another example, my ex's brother tried the same thing against just one man who tried to take his phone, he punched him in the face, they scuffled, and he ended up getting stabbed just below the heart and was lucky to live. His family were not particularly proud of him for fighting back.

You should hand it over. But I've been in the situation and all sense went out the window!
Walking home from a night out in Ibiza, it was about 6am and me and my friend had almost sobered up, yet stupidly thought it was fine to go walk down the back streets as we knew where we were going. I felt someone touch my bag and thought it was lads messing about, no, three young men from another country had snuck up beside us and one then tried to rip my bag off my shoulder. Only a few euros in my bag but had my phone and camera in there so my immediate thought was fuck off you're not having my stuff and wrestled it back off him. He pushed me to the floor and I banged my head as I went down but I screamed rape as loud as I could and luckily three English lads came round the corner and he got off me (he was still trying to get my bag as I lay on the floor screaming with it tucked under me) one of the others then ripped my friends bag from her shoulder. The lads gave chase but they were too fast and I felt awful as my friend had lost her stuff. It could have been much worse, the police said these men come over in gangs from a nearby country and wouldn't think twice about violence. Horrible bastards, if they had been bigger or stronger I would have stood no chance and I don't blame anyone in that situation- my friend just froze but I was so angry.

Your DP was lucky. I'm not sure that's worthy of your pride. As another example, my ex's brother tried the same thing against just one man who tried to take his phone, he punched him in the face, they scuffled, and he ended up getting stabbed just below me the heart and was lucky to live. His family were not particularly proud of him for fighting back.

Again - not worthy of pride?? There shouldn’t be pride or disappointment or any kind of judgement towards these victims of crime. You do what you do in the moment due to instinct. Please can we stop judging those who behave differently to how you think you would.

I fought the mugger and i fought the rapist. The rapist stopped his attack because i wouldnt back down. Again i acted instinctively and i did get injured by the rapist because i was fighting back.

However i believe my trauma wasnt as bad as it could have been because i took control.
Likewise with the mugger i can laugh at it now.
I just remember feeling pure anger on both occasions.

You do what you do in the moment due to instinct. Please can we stop judging those who behave differently to how you think you would.

Saying something is not worthy of pride is not the same as shaming or negatively judging them. Doesn't sound like you even read the post I was responding to tbh

Wait, you said there shouldn't be pride. And I said it wasn't worthy of pride. So you're saying the same thing as me.

well i disagree, if the person you knew had not been stabbed, and had fought him off, perhapsnyou would be proud.

you cant dictate how someone feels. at first
i cried and felt so sorry for him. but i cant change the pride i felt in hearing the police report saying that my DP showed “a great a display of strength”

like i said, perhaps its a difference in upbringing. id fight. anyone i know from my city would fight. my best friend was mugged aged 15 in tenerife and chased the two men down the street, bleeding. im proud of her!

im proud of DPs best friend who was followed home by another man, who attempted to sexually assault him. DPs friend punched him in the face and ran home!

I would feel incredibly sorry for anyone who tried to mug DP. It would not go down well.

An ex of mine once rang me in the middle of the night to tell me some guy had just tried to mug him, and when he turned around it was a mate of his. And they laughed about it. I found that very bizarre.

The closest I've gotten to anything like that is undesirables turning up in their vans to the house, with their demi-Irish accents, telling me "da boss says we cud come and get da scrap, wud ye open da gates now"? And generally pointing out the fuck off sized guard dog and going and retrieving a shotgun saw them off. I guess there's different "tribes" of them but they are easily deterred.

And probably the same undesirables broke into my house once through the basement doors. I was alone in the house and the integral door leading up from the basement had been locked- which is a miracle because that wasn't something we routinely did.
It scared me until we moved actually.

Okay, but I was responding to you saying you can't understand why somebody would want their partner not to fight. I'm saying it's surely obvious why people want their loved ones to avoid violence? Maybe in Glasgow everyone loves a good fight and mothers proudly instruct their children and partners to always fight back against gangs of armed men, but that's quite clearly not the safest option. And it's very easy to understand why most people prefer their family to take the safest option in these situations.

To add, my fight or flight is also always fight.

In London last year some young lad shoved into my friend, knocking her bag and before I realised what was happening I'd grabbed his hoody and said something like "the fuck do you think you're doing". It was probably incredibly stupid but not everyone carries a bloody knife in London.

I'm restraint trained and have dealt with a lot of high tension emergency situations though, my instincts are to act and then be terrified after.

Dropping things on the ground is the sensible thing to do. But I am kind of happy it is not just with the stupid warrior instinct. It just kicks in and before you know it you end telling the mugger "no, I am not giving you my phone" and hold on tight to your bag even though he tries to push you down a three stories elevator and nearly misses you He followed me into the nearest coffee shop where after a good 10 min of convincing the idiot barrista i was actually being mugged the manager finally came in and called the cops.
So two lessons there: you do not know how you will react and Starbucks (at least in the US) have a direct line for them to call the police! I later learnt that banks have the same thing and are a good refuge too.

For me, outrage took over. That feeling of ‘how dare you try and take my things’. That was my overriding feeling and how my instincts responded. Not sensible. Not prudent. I left with a bruised face but with my outrage satisfied.

fighting back to protect yourself and your posessions is not the same as “loving a good fight”

also i never said anyone fought back against “gangs of armed men” so you are clearly imagining my argument.

I'd probably hand over whatever they wanted. My phone is only valuable to me because of the photos and messages it has and they're all backed up anyway. I never keep more than £100 in my purse so it wouldn't be the end of the world to lose it.

I heard a funny story once (this is a friend of a friend of a friend story so take it with a pinch of salt!). This woman was confronted by a mugger who demanded that she hand over her handbag, instead of doing the rational thing and handing it over she said ok, ok, let me just get my things and started taking out her phone wallet etc cause he'd only asked for the bag and not it's contents!! Luckily a car or passerby appeared as she was doing that and the mugger ran off!

DH trains with a top self defence instructor. He trains people all over the world. He is a hard bastard, very very highly skilled, and could easily take on anyone and win.

Even he says, walk away. Avoid the fight. Throw the wallet, and run.

He only says fight when there is no other choice and your life is in danger.

I got mugged once, as a teenager. I didn't really have a chance to fight or run. I was suddenly pushed against a wall and my school bag was grabbed from my hand.

I had about £3 in my purse and didn't have a mobile, so I didn't lose much financially - but I did lose months of school work!

It depends on the situation really. On your own, not confident you can defend yourself, you should probably give them your stuff, it is the more sensible choice.

I'm restraint trained. A guy attempted to mug me and a friend a few years back, I'm not sure what came over me but I decided telling him mugging was morally wrong was a really good idea, told him his parents must be really disappointed in him etc. He tried to hit me so I restrained him whilst my friend called the police.

DH however got mugged and ended up with stitches and I was really angry with him for fighting back (especially as there was only like £10 in his wallet as I had his card).

I was mugged 5 years ago. Or attempted mugging rather. The mugger went to hospital with two broken arms and stabbed by his own knife. (I am ex forces and was in a bad mood). CPO declined court proceedings.

A month or so back a man started muscling in on me when I had my purse out to get my doorkey. We live in a dodgy area, I’m built like a brick shit house and it was just after a stressful school run. I knew what he was going to do. He knew I knew what he was going to do. Saw me puff myself up to my full height and width and fucked off.

I wouldn’t fight back but there’s been a few times where people have started and retreated because they’ve decided it’s not worth the aggro.

Was the victim of attempted opportunistic mugging by obvious druggie when I was a teenager. Walked past me and grabbed my bag but I grabbed back and we had this little tug of war and then I yelled at her because I was so furious that she had the audacity to try and take my thing. She let go and ran away.

It was pure instinct and probably not the most sensible thing to do. In other fight, freeze or flight situations I have fought so perhaps it is just an instinctive reaction.