Who's name is it

[weekfour]

DD is 6. The name on her birth certificate is the full version of a name but since birth she has been called a shortened version. It’s not this name but think along the lines of Margaret and Maggy.

We managed to navigate reception fine. There are two ‘Maggy’s’ in the class but the teacher would use Maggy A and Maggy B. All paperwork at school says Margaret known as Maggy.

For some reason, the Year 1 teacher has decided she wants one Maggy and one Margaret and my DD has been selected to be Margaret. It’s not what we wanted her to be called! It’s seeped in to wider society now and we can’t walk through the village with out someone shouting ‘Hi Margaret’.

Should also add it’s not the only name that’s doubled up in the class but only my DD has been renamed by the teacher.

So AIBU to speak to the teacher? My DD is confused and doesn’t understand why I won’t call her Margaret. Or am I being precious? Should add that teacher managed to use Maggy all through parents evening which leads me to believe she understands it’s not really on.

No @twiney . neither of those. 😊 But I’m not entertaining anymore guesses just in case!

The reason for the full name was because we couldn’t agree on a name. DH wanted her to be able to use the full name if she ever became a judge. His words, not mine. I did point out it could be a potential problem but felt it wasn’t worth an argument.

I appreciate what you’re saying about cutesy versions- I don’t consider the shortened version to really fit into that category. I’d be more than happy for DD to choose Margaret but she hasn’t. Teacher (or possibly school admin team, I suppose) have.

And anyway, if there are two kids in the same boat, why does mine have to get the full name.

Are you sure tour daughter doesn't want to be known as the longer name?

I have a nephew Jack. (Not his real name) and his middle name is Lee. At school his teachers were calling him Jack-lee. When my brother questioned it he was told Jack wanted to be known by his full name..... he's still called that at school but only ever Jack by family such as cousins etc..

The teacher is BU.
It's reasonable, and traditional, to put a longer name on the birth certificate, perhaps to honour a relative, and call the child a shorter name.

Hardly a huge problem Vladmirs, what class doesn't have a few kids with the same name. Very wrong of a teacher to take it upon herself to change a 6 year olds name. Particularly without consulting the parents.

DD has said she doesn’t mind. She is more concerned about upsetting her teacher.

Shortened version starts with a different letter and isn’t like Katherine and Kath. If that’s clear?

I’m going to whiz a quick email over just reminding the teacher that we used the shortened version on all school documents and would prefer her to use it too. She doesn’t strike me as an unreasonable woman and I accept it’s maybe a problem of our own making. I just wanted to gauge opinion.

Your DD knows you want to call her Maggy.
Your DD knows the teacher wants to call her Margaret.
Your DD doesn't want the teacher to get into trouble.
Your DD is unlikely to really know which name she prefers as she is trying to fit n with the preferences of adults, none of whom have asked her opinion.

My DD is confused and doesn’t understand why I won’t call her Margaret.

It sounds as though she is quite happy being called by her actual name, though, and would like you to do that, so what's the problem?

Why did you give your daughter a name that you don’t want to actually use?

Quite a lot of people have longer names on BCs and use a shorter name as a NN? On a lot of the baby names threads on here a lot of people encourage the use of the longer name on the BC and a NN used, as when DC wants to appear professional in a job they have a proper name to use instead of a shortened version.
(I'm well aware I have not phrased this reply particularly well )

"My DD is confused and doesn’t understand why I won’t call her Margaret. "

That sounds like your DD is happy with Margaret for now.
OP's DD does not have a problem with Margaret, is content with Margaret.
The DD can change again in future, if she chooses.
I would fine better battles to fight.

*find... I think I'm gonna change my TalkName to Queen of Typos!!

Definitely email her. And it's not a problem of your own making if you made it known what you want her to be called.

"
My DD is confused and doesn’t understand why I won’t call her Margaret."

But DD is fine with it...?

Yanbu- she's old enough to express a preference and she has done. It's basic decency to call someone by their preferred name.

Perhaps you could unilaterally decide to address her as Miss Batshit henceforth. Hopefully a nice quiet word with the teacher will resolve it, failing that, the Head.

Ha! Mrs Batshit!

My stepdaughter got sick of being made to write maggy s on everything as there was a maggy-mae in her class who used the shortened version maggy all the time. She just wanted to be like all the other children in the class and use her first name alone maybe this is why this has come about?

My daughter has a similar name but we always used the full version on forms and if referring to her, at home we called her the short version. She got to about 14 or 15 and decided she wanted a different version, more unusual. It does get confusing! I wish we'd called her Mary or something simple like that.

I do see where you're coming from, but I personally just can't get my round why you would name your child something you wouldn't want them to be called.

Oh I don’t know. DD isn’t arsed. I think the long version makes her sound about 90.

I should have just called her Agamemnon and none of this would have happened.

If it’s something like Charlotte and you refer to her as Lottie, I probably wouldn’t be happy either. As it is quite different

I reckon it's Madeleine and Maddie. Been there done that with DD1.

Ironically, it's DD2 I've actually had to have words with school about. She's an Esme, which we like pronounced Ezmee. School started calling her Ezmay, which I hate. Friends started calling her Ezmay too. Argh. Had to have a chat with teacher and it all soon switched back to Ezmee.

Tell the teacher.

I sat in on a disciplinary at a nursery I worked at which was over the name Ben.
Staff member had been told repeatedly by parents that his name was Ben, she adamantly referred to him as Benjamin. His name is actually Ben not Benjamin on his birth cert. lots of drama, formal warning, waste of an afternoon.
I can't see why a teacher would be that much of a twat about it.

The teacher may have asked if one of them was happy to be "full name" for ease, and if your dd likes to please she probably said yes!

It’s not what we wanted her to be called!

Then you shouldn't have put it on her birth certificate then

Our youngest daughter was given her name at birth and she is always called by a shortened version of it, never the full name. We didn’t plan on it, it just happened.

Can you not suggest she be called different things at home and at school?

I was my diminuitive to my family for decades years after I made everyone else call me my full name.

My DS1 is called his full first name at school (standard practice in France) and his English family use his diminuitive. in fact, whenever anyone speaks to him in English they use the diminuitive. And in French the full name. Which is funny coming from his 3 year old brother who switches between languages to talk to him!

I’d not be happy with that! Both of my kids have traditional names and use shortened versions. I’d be really annoyed if sonrone suddenly changed their ‘known as’ named without my or their consent. It’s an overstep.