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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

NYE, woman hoping I will get her out and about

16 replies

twiney · 20/12/2017 10:01

So this year me and DP won't be together for NYE, I'm spending Xmas with my family abroad, and then he will also be going to other end of country to spend NYE with his sister.

I haven't really decided what I fancy doing yet. Last year I had a heavy one, this year there are a few lowkey options floating around, namely a meal and drinks in town with my frienf M, but part of me is tempted to just do nothing and eat Doritos and watch Netflix with my cats.

So a few days ago I was out with C, who is a lovely woman and a very new friend. She has divorced from her husband and has two boys, and just moved into her first house as a single woman. Shes clearly very emotional lately and was welling up a fair bit when we were at dinner.

I mentioned I wasnt sure what I was doing at NYE and brought up the different options I had. She said she would love to do something because her boys will be with their dad. I said I would probably decide last minute, that maybe a meal with M in town in which case she could feel free to join us, or maybe nothing.

So then C starts talking about maybe we could all make a little dish and take it to her house, where she has Cranium we can play, we can drink wine and just have a cosy NYE.

OK, anyone who has read my dinner party thread knows how I feel about this 😂 I dont want to do that. Either I'm going out on the town on NYE, or I'm bunkering down on my lonesome.

But because she had been teary all night I said I would speak to M about plans at some point and get back to her.

Yesterday she texted me to ask if I had spoken to M yet.

I don't know what to do! I dont know how much responsibility to take? I dont want to leave a woman feeling sad alone on NYE (although her parents live down the road) but I also dont want to be pressured into NYE plans. As I said to her, I organise NYE last minute.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
twiney · 20/12/2017 10:04

Oh by the way - she didnt seem very keen on a meal out in town.
And then when I told her about ANOTHER option (M's daughter has a flat in the nearest major city that will be free) she also wasnt very keen.

So I feel a bit 😑 that it's shifted slightly from her joining my plans to me basically getting a group together to go round hers?

OP posts:
Branleuse · 20/12/2017 10:08

tell her that youre probably going to go out on the town,so please dont reply on me.

Branleuse · 20/12/2017 10:10

rely*

twiney · 20/12/2017 10:12

@Branleuse

😂
Glad you clarified, otherwise that would be a bit harsh!

OP posts:
MaidenMotherCrone · 20/12/2017 10:18

How many posts did your dinner party thread have Op? Am I the only one who missed it.

Just be honest and say you don't fancy doing what she wants.

TakeThatFuckingDressOffNow · 20/12/2017 10:18

YABU a bit - You can choose whatever you like, you are not responsible for her. I wouldn’t be happy to be strong armed I to her plans either.

BUT it’s unfair on her to say you won’t decide until last minute.

At least if you are clear now she can prepare herself.

twiney · 20/12/2017 10:21

@TakeThatFuckingDressOffNow

OK thanks, I will make it clear then somehow that I dont know what Im going to do but it will definitely involve either me going out or staying at my home, but to definitely forget the dinner at hers.

OP posts:
Wishfulmakeupping · 20/12/2017 10:26

I would agree be clear you don't fancy that and you're probably going to end up going out so she can plan something else

LazyDailyMailJournos · 20/12/2017 10:36

Be nice but firm. Thank her for the invite but you'll either be out on the town or in bed at home! However to take the sting out of it, why don't you suggest that you get together and do something in the early new year?

HolyShet · 20/12/2017 10:37

I would really spell it out as you don't want her to feel let down
"I'm a bit all or nothing on NYE and will decide on the day whether I'm having an early night or out on the town - will let you know if I'm going out, you'd be welcome to join me for that"

onalongsabbatical · 20/12/2017 11:45

@twiney introduce her to mumsnet, and show her your dinner party thread (which I enjoyed immensely) and tell her, it's really not you, but, as you can see, I'd rather rip my own ears off than go to another dinner party this soon, can we all go out, please? Grin

onalongsabbatical · 20/12/2017 11:45

Dinner party thread, for them as missed it...
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3114220-To-not-want-to-go-to-another-couplesy-dinner

twiney · 20/12/2017 11:52

@onalongsabbatical
🐒😂😂😂

OP posts:
RestingGrinchFace · 20/12/2017 11:58

Just tell her you fon't want to do it now. It's really unreasonable to expect her to wait on you like this.

Seasonseatings · 20/12/2017 12:03

I would hate to have a night out side lined by a board game...

Choose your going out option, don't give any choice but invite her?

KeepServingTheDrinks · 20/12/2017 12:08

Having read your other thread, I totally think you're not being U, but I agree with PPs that you need to spell out to her what it is you want to do so that she's clear and can make her own plans.

I hope you enjoy your night.

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