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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

wibu to warn my cousins

41 replies

pinklemonade84 · 19/12/2017 21:39

I’ve given in tonight and blocked my mum’s sister on Facebook.

My mum was severely disabled, in chronic pain and you never heard her moan, even on her worst days. Yet her sister is constantly posting updates about how much pain she is supposedly in. Posting about her trips to the Dr. Posting about her supposed trips or falls.

This woman used to bully my Nan. Stole money from her. And actually went to hit my mum once because she dared to stand up for my nan (the only reason she didn’t do it was because my other Aunty turned up).

She has admitted to my cousins (other aunty’s daughters) that she has had rails added to her house and uses a stick to her walk so that she can get extra pip money.

I’m struggling with missing my mum as it’s our first Christmas without her and today I just snapped and blocked her after something like her 5th attention seeking status.

Now wibu to warn my cousins (from my other Aunty) and give them the heads up that I have done this? This woman will undoubtedly question them and ask questions like “why doesn’t pink like me?” “What have I done wrong?”

OP posts:
BunsOfAnarchy · 19/12/2017 21:47

If you have a good relationship and feel they would understand then yes tell them. Otherwise I'd leave it. She sounds like a right knob. She actually sounds like my mum's sister.

CrochetBelle · 19/12/2017 21:47

You don't get 'extra pip money'just for using a stick or grab rails.
Your mum didn't have the monopoly on chronic pain or illness.

Considering what it seems your mum experienced, you sound very ignorant.

PinkAvocado · 19/12/2017 21:50

Oh Crochet don’t be nasty for the sake of it. She did not say anything like her Mum has a monopoly. Have a bit of compassion.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 19/12/2017 21:56

Crochet well why would she tell that to my cousins then?

Don’t be ridiculous of course my mum didn’t have a monopoly on pain. BUT, I did see her in tears almost daily because of how much she hurt. The sickness when her pain killer patches had to be upped. So don’t you dare make out that I’m making my mum out to be the only one who’s ever allowed to be in pain

OP posts:
Angie169 · 19/12/2017 21:57

are you sure she is not ill ? how about ofering to go to the the doctors with her or pick up her prescription . If see keeps saying no , then I would presume she is putting it on but it is possable she is just lonely so trying to get some attention the wrong way in which case a group of good friends and family around her.
But if she is doing it just for money then she should be reported and friends and family warned about her.

pigeondujour · 19/12/2017 22:04

Crochet is right.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 19/12/2017 22:05

My cousin who sees her almost daily has never mentioned any prescriptions.

She’s ok to go wandering around shops for hours on end, so I honestly don’t think there is anything wrong with her. And as awful as it sounds, if she had said to me the things that she has said to my cousins about her pip claim then I wouldn’t hesitate in reporting her

OP posts:
ClareB83 · 19/12/2017 22:07

Will she even know she's been blocked?

zzzzz · 19/12/2017 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 19/12/2017 22:10

And I know you don’t get extra pip money for these things. But why is she bragging to my cousins that this is what she is doing? Why would you do something like that, when your own sister had to fight tooth and nail for the very little help that she got?

OP posts:
pigeondujour · 19/12/2017 22:14

It sounds like you're questioning someone's disability based on second hand information and conjecture. PIP assessment isn't exactly known for being cursory nor the assessors generous. Maybe she said that to your cousins as a joke, maybe it was bravado, maybe it was something else - the fact is you don't know, and it says nothing good about you that you're talking about not hesitating in reporting her.

CrochetBelle · 19/12/2017 22:23

had to fight tooth and nail for the very little help that she got?

Did someone doubt her?

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 19/12/2017 22:32

No they didn’t Crochet. Her heart and lung failure (amongst several other things) were all the proof that she needed. And she didn’t go around bragging to people (whether bravado or not) that she was putting it on for the extra money

OP posts:
SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 19/12/2017 22:37

It sounds like you’re still grieving enough to have this cloud your judgement. Very gently, yes YABU but I’m sorry for your loss. Firsts are so hard. Flowers

teaandakitkat · 19/12/2017 22:39

Ywbu to warn your cousins. Just quietly do what you need to do, you don't need to warn anyone.

I can see why your aunt's behaviour will b upsetting you right now, it would upset me too. I hope your first Christmas without your mum is as lovely as it can be and you can share some wonderful memories of her with the people who loved her.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 19/12/2017 22:47

The warning was more to let them know that they will inevitably get the questions from her when she realises she can’t see my profile. But, maybe I should have left it and then answered their questions if they had asked.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 20/12/2017 09:05

So pigeon if a relative of yours did the same you would just let them take money from the people who truly need it? I’m sorry but I wouldn’t. People like her are the ones who give benefit claimants a bad name

OP posts:
AnachronisticCorpse · 20/12/2017 09:08

Wow, is that all I needed to do to get PIP? Fuck. And there was me all upset because my multiple suicide attempts, inability to leave the house or look after myself weren’t enough to get it because I can walk 100 metres.

Thanks! I’ll get right on that.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 20/12/2017 09:32

Anachronistic I’m not sure why you seem to be taking offence? I’m sure you have a real need for what you get and more importantly you don’t go bragging to family that you’re just trying to get extra money?

OP posts:
IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 20/12/2017 09:43

It's not fair to say that no one ever lies or exaggerates their symptoms to obtain benefits. It's a very very small number - the vast majority deserve all the help they can get, but it's daft not to acknowledge that some people are very skilled at manipulating the system. There have always been con artists and there always will be! The OP says this woman stole from her own mother - she's not likely to hold back on stealing from the taxpayer if she can swing it, is she?

OP, you are doing absolutely the right thing in cutting a bully and a thief out of your life. I'd not say anything to the cousins unless they ask and even then I would try and keep my comments brief and non emotive. She is their mum, so their loyalties will be torn.

I am sorry for your loss and hope Christmas goes okay for you Flowers

yrhengi · 20/12/2017 09:45

YANBU to block your aunt to minimise unnecessary stress in your life.

YWBU to 'warn' your cousins, because you're not really warning them, you're actually telling your aunt you've blocked her by slightly passive aggressive means, and involving your cousins in the drama.

CupOfFrothyCoffee · 20/12/2017 09:54

Considering what it seems your mum experienced, you sound very ignorant

That didn't take long. Leave the OP alone, she's upset about her mother.

OP if you trust your cousins I would tell them.

kaitlinktm · 20/12/2017 10:07

I wouldn't tell your cousins - if she asks them, they can honestly say that they don't know. Then of course they might contact you and ask you, and you can tell them if you like.

DailyMaileatmyshit · 20/12/2017 10:08

I don't AIBU is the best place for you.

You are obviously and understandably still hurting from your mums death. If you need to block your Aunt on FB (personally I'd just unfollow but not unfriend and block) for your own wellbeing I would. And I wouldn't inform your cousins.

YABU in thinking that your mum handled illness in the only right way, people handle illness in lots of ways, and none of them are wrong, venting on FB may be what your aunt needs to manage hers, but YANBU to not want to see it.

bretonknickers · 20/12/2017 10:11

It sounds like you're (quite rightly) feeling very sensitive at the moment due to it being the first Christmas without your Mum. Sorry for your loss. I lost my DM 11 years ago and Christmases still sting.

To be honest, if I were you I would just leave it, telling your cousins could create more drama and upset which it doesn't sound like you need.
Also you don't want to get into an emotional argument and say things that can't be unsaid.

Losing someone can make you resent people who you can see as being less deserving of sympathy etc.

Take it easy Flowers and be kind to yourself.

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