To not want MIL to drive to pick up her friends DD?

[Wilburissomepig]

MIL is 81 and in rude health, if getting a little forgetful sometimes. She lives in a lovely village surrounded by lots of friends, one of whom she is particularly close to and they see each other most days.

Her friend has a daughter who lives about 150 miles away and when she comes to visit, her husband will normally drive her half way and friend or friend's husband picks her up from there and brings her back here. Then they repeat the same arrangement on the return journey.

Friend has been a bit unwell recently and has asked MIL to drive the 75 miles to pick up her DD. I really don't want her to do this. Apart from the fact I think it's a bit of a piss take (MIL already does loads for her friend as it is), it'll be dark, majority of the journey will be windy country roads and although MIL is fit and healthy, she normally just drives from her village to the shops and back and I don't see why, on this one occasion, the daughter can't either drive herself (she can drive and has a car at her disposal but 'it's too far'), or she gets the train this time.

I can't offer to do it as I'll be working that night. MIL really isn't keen on doing it be feels that she has to to help her friend out. I am trying to convince her to say no and no, I don't suppose it is any of my business, but I am not at all happy with the thought of her driving all this way, on her own, in the dark.

Nice work OP!

Fantastic, well done, OP - how lovely to have such a successful outcome to a cheeky fucker thread so swiftly!

The first thing that older people seem to avoid doing when driving is night time driving. I know my eyes struggle to adjust to lights when driving and I'm only 53 but both my DF and my DMIL would avoid driving at night when possible or only do short distances on local roads that they knew well.
It is totally unreasonable to expect your MIL to do this trip if she is not used to doing this sort of driving. It should be a big fat 'NO'

Good work op!

I've never heard anything so ridiculous.
Have a lovely tea!

I have boys and I'm down on my knees right now praying to God I get a daughter in law like you op.

You did right to step in and take control. Your MIL sounds selfless and kind, and shouldn't be subjected to this journey.
Make sure she comes to tea OP, bless her heart.
💐 for you.

The best way to deflect it is for your MIL to blame someone else (if she can't just say no as we want her to).
Say YOU or her son don't want her driving that far and are getting really anxious about it. She can say she isn't feeling very confident anyway so she doesn't want to upset you.

Oh and you sound like a lovely DIL and your MIL is a lovely kind friend.

Your MIL can say "I don't want to do it" and that would be a perfectly good reason.

They're really taking advantage.

Cross-posted. Hurrah!! You did what I was suggesting anyway.
Fab.

Say No.
Can the woman not get a train and be picked up or take a taxi if she can't drive herself/be driven all the way.
The 'friend'is very out of order and if it were me,and my mil was scared to say no,I'd do it for her.

Nicely done, OP.

You are a

I have boys and I'm down on my knees right now praying to God I get a daughter in law like you op.

We've had our moments ssd, believe me, she drives me crackers sometimes and I'm sure I do her head in too at times, but I love her to bits.

I'm probably feeling a bit extra protective of her at the moment because, although she really is in good health, I've just started to see small changes in her over the last 6 months or so. I think I've always just seen her as exactly the same as she was when I met her when she was 60. But she's getting forgetful and a little slower in her movements etc. I think I just looked at her one day and realised that she's an old woman now and it made me sad. I don't have my mum anymore and I'd hate to lose her, I'm making myself sad even typing this!

Well done, Wilbur! Good call - especially on giving her something else to do on the night.

I would play on the night vision thing.

I am not exactly a spring chicken and although my eyesight is pretty good I do find my night vision is not what it was - and I gather this is common as one gets older. I now hate driving on unlit country roads at night and avoid it as far as humanly poss.
The friend's daughter really is unbelievably cheeky. Your MiL should feel under absolutely no obligation to help out here.

81? The friends daughter should be ashamed of herself! How utterly selfish, I would be livid if someone expected my mum to do this and she is only 67!

Great solution, well done OP

yep

I dont have my mum either and I'll fight you for her

Ah op that’s lovely of you and well done for standing by your mil.

I know my dils would too. You support each other and bloody good on you kido

You sound like a lovely caring person op. Well done.

yep

I dont have my mum either and I'll fight you for her grin

Well done Wilbur

Aww Wilbur, you've made me tear up, I loved my MIL very much, such a heartbreaking loss.

My FIL was 76 when he decided to give up long journeys because he felt his night vision was deteriorating. It's a perfectly valid reason for refusing to do this.

The friends daughter needs to find another way to do this. Maybe asking one of her 50 year old friends to join her and drive. To look into a car service. Perhaps she can take a bus/train and cab as other people do

It's so lovely that you're looking after her like this! Well done OP!