Christmas rant about PIL

[2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]

Sorry going to have a rant.
MIL just rang . Despite sending a million presents probably tacky junk that will be recycled as usual she has omitted to get something for baby DGGD . Can I buy something and she will send a cheque ?

So I would have to choose something, drive into town , park and purchase ; wrap it up and after all that say it was from MIL and sometime later in the new year receive a cheque which I would then have to drive into town , park and take to the bank to put in my account!

Using my best Mumsnet speak and not just say Fuck Off I suggested they get a suitable token on line . Not possible as MIL doesn't use computer and FIL won't cooperate in buying something for his Not so DGGD . No idea about this why etc

FFS

fortunately the call was terminated at that point because they had to go shopping in a different town to mine which presumably doesn't have any shops which sell tokens or something for a baby !

Shall I explore the incooperative FIL comment or just explode quietly here instead ?

I would just make some random stupid excuse like she has "Sorry, I've done all my Christmas shopping". It really isn't your problem, MIL isn't your parent and the baby isn't your child.

This is basically my in-laws. We've bought, wrapped and even had to write the sodding gift tags for our kids presents because they can't be arsed. We'll then pretend to DS's that PIL chose things especially for them on Xmas day to help build a good relationship between them. I really dont know why I bother as it will be a miracle if MIL looks up from her tablet on Xmas morning anyway.
Rant over - join me in raising several glasses of 'calming' Bucks Fizz on Xmas morning .

Worst case can’t you buy a gift online and have it delivered to your house?
Then when the cheque arrives in the new year, if at all, cash it when you happen to be going to the bank anyway.
They sound like assholes but if you order online the convenience to you is fairly minimal, I’d have thought?

Oh and ignore the "you could just" suggestions on here - so could anyone else and there's no reason why it should be you that steps up.

I'm not sure why they are involving you as you aren't the baby's parents. I'd just suggest sending a cheque to the parents or discussing it with the parents. Babies don't need much anyway. Not your problem, you're an unnecessary middle man.

I get this. MIL was upset last year as she sent money and told us to buy the DC's presents. She lives for shopping and has many options on her doorstep. Makes no effort to see my dc. I have fuck all access to shops, 3 hour round trip by bus for xmas shopping for me. MIL got in a strop because the dc didn't have anything to open from her on xmas day. This was after she had promised to buy them bikes, then never mentioned them again, then asked what they wanted, the next day gave us cash, but not enough to buy a bike. I have a huge back story as well I don't know what to do about it. I think maybe best for your sanity to find some peace with yourself that FIL is a dick and try not to let him know how it upsets you. How often do you have to deal with them? Practically you don't have a pile of plastic crap to deal with, which is a bonus, try and spot the good bits among the pile of rubbish?

Ladyrough I think you have hit the nail in the head . P IL have made no effort in any relationship at all . Fine , up to them , not my problem but I refuse to be part of a "let's pretend" on Xmas morning.

Are you also a pain in the arse MiL?
Becoming a MiL is one of my greatest fears in life. It really is.

take the money put it in an account for baby

I've had similar this year from my MIL. She asked what dd wanted, we told her but her full involvement has been to pass us a £20 note with the expectation that I would go shopping for it - I was pretty pissed off. I have 33 people to buy gifts for already and dd is the ONLY person she has to buy a gift for as she is an abusive cow who has alienated virtually everybody else in her life.

Similarly a good friend of mine has had the same from her kids grandparents on both sides - an expectation that they would just transfer her some cash so she could shop for and buy 'their' presents for the kids - as if she didn't have enough to do already. And then to add to this they ordered scooters (so clearly capable of online shopping) for their other son's children but had them delivered to my friends house to store for them! Bizarre!!

I just think it's really poor. It would be different if the grandparent had mobility issues and genuinely couldn't get to the shops, but it's not the case. It's laziness. They are retired and have more time on their hands than their grown up kids who are working full time, raising kids and trying to sort out their own stuff for christmas, so why dump an extra chore on them? And ultimately the gift isn't really from them at all when they have put zero effort into it, which is such a shame for the children.

Cheque sent directly, perfect. Straight into ggd account end of fuss

I only have one SIL , i get on with him I think .
I have not got on with MIL because
• she lies
• she scalded accidentally Ds when he was little and told him not to tell me
• she took dc in car without seatbelts when specifically told not to and slapped eldest DD when she complained.
• She dropped tablets on the floor which were picked up the next day by a baby I was minding.
• she feigns serious illnesses for attention
• she pretended to drown the day after my DD wedding probably because she wasn't getting attention.
FIL is strange. Once when we visited.he would not not let me use the wifi to access some important emails. .

DH minimises their behaviour to an extent and it is managed by reduced contact esp since wedding incident.

Shall I go on ?

Well this one is super easy!

Attention seeker you say? Don't give them the attention.

Obstinate you say? Don't give them the satisfaction of noting it.

'So sorry! I won't be able to fit that in now so close to Christmas, but you don't need to worry. Just pop something in the post when you find the time, she's only 9 months, so she won't know. Bless FIL - always worrying about what we'll think! - tell him not to worry AT ALL, it's fine*. Hope to see you soon!'

• This will really piss FIL off, the idea that you think he's all worried about what you'll think, so definitely say that bit.

Disengage. No can do. Not to worry. What's that you say? No, we don't mind so it isn't a problem. If you think it's a problem, you go shopping. Byeeeeee!!!!!!

*inconvenience

This is how I would handle it. Firstly I'd hand the phone straight to dh. His circus. His monkeys. If he's not there I would take a message - 'oh, you'd like dh to buy something? I'll get him to ring you back'. Still his circus and monkeys.

This is the only way to deal with my difficult Mil. Nothing I do will ever be right so I might as well do nothing. I'm polite and pleasant but it's not my job to deal with her craziness.

Other way is to politely agree and then not buy anything. Get dh to deposit cheque straight info a saving account for the baby.

Wickeduncle.co.uk are still delivering on time for Christmas. They’ll even wrap it.
They sort gifts by age.

Yes, use FizzyGreen's script. It's their problem, don't let them make it yours.

It's obvious you dislike the PiL but I'm not getting why it's such a big deal. You're turning buying a gift into a drama when you can make a couple of clicks online and it's done.

Just send a cheque to baby's parents to put in an account.

Plus I very rarely 'drive to a bank' to put in a small cheque. I either post it or wait until I'm actually passing. It's not hard!

And ignore the irritation of the PILs. Job done.

why are you dealing with this? Ask your DH to sort it out, they are his parents.

I'm confused. Are these your PIL or your son's/daughter's? If these are not actually your PIL then let your son/daughter deal with them - and if they choose not to, that's up to them.

If these are your PIL then would they have a relationship with a great grandchild really? It doesn't sound like they want one. You don't see them over Christmas so why do you need to do anything?

Are you over-involving yourself a bit, do you think?

Remembering to put the cheque in when you are passing is the hard bit. My son has a small cheque from his grandfather, I think about it most days even though I'm not going near the bank (1 hour away).

If PIL can't be arsed, that's their problem. Don't sort it out for them.

YANBU. I would just tell her not to bother with a cheque-may too much hassle for less than a few hundred quid.

It would need to be at least a thousand to make me drag myself to the bank.

This isn't your problem. Don't make it your problem.

As MIL is shopping anyway, she can get something then and put it in the post.