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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect a thank you?

50 replies

Cakeisbest · 18/12/2017 22:39

DH's young-adult nephew is coming to us for xmas as he can't get back to his family home which is abroad due to work commitments. DN's dad (BIL) rang our house yesterday to speak to MIL (his DM) and they were discussing xmas gifts being sent over for DN, so the subject of xmas was obviously discussed. Seems off to me that BIL didn't ask to speak to me or DH to say thanks for having DN over xmas, or asking MIL to say thanks on his behalf. Rude.

OP posts:
JustVent · 18/12/2017 22:43

But. It hasn’t happened yet.

I don’t thank someone for holding a door open for me before they have opened it.

I don’t thank my husband for my birthday present before he’s given it to me...?

gobbynorthernbird · 18/12/2017 22:45

Why do you think an adults parent should thank you?

PasstheStarmix · 18/12/2017 22:45

Has the nephew not thanked you? If he's a young adult than surely he should. I would have thought it falls on the nephew to say thank you and bring a proper gift on the day.

PasstheStarmix · 18/12/2017 22:45

your*

MelanieCheeks · 18/12/2017 22:48

Is there a back story? Seen some a bit of an over reaction.

MelanieCheeks · 18/12/2017 22:48

Seems a bit....

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 18/12/2017 22:51

Why would an adult thank you for doing something for their adult child? Has the newphew not thanked you?

Original poster
Cakeisbest · 18/12/2017 22:56

All valid points, thanks. Just that as BIL was on the phone to our house to speak to his Mum, Id have thought he would have had in mind to say thanks. But he may have forgotten, and as you say, we haven't had xmas yet.

OP posts:
PasstheStarmix · 18/12/2017 22:57

He's probably just got a million things in his mind as we all do at this time of year. I wouldn't take it personally. I think it's up to your nephew to thank you and your BIL probably has good faith his son will do that.

PasstheStarmix · 18/12/2017 22:58

on*

KeepServingTheDrinks · 18/12/2017 23:13

I agree it's odd. I would have thanked you in BIL's position. Mind you, I'd move heaven and earth to spend christmas with my child rather than have her spend it with an aunt, so I'm obviously not like your BIL

BackforGood · 18/12/2017 23:29

I presume there was a thank you when it was all agreed in the first place?
I presume the nephew will thank you while he is there?
I presume you will be thanked afterwards ?

In all, I wouldn't then expect specific thankyous every time your BiL wants to speak to his Mum, as well - even though it seems, from your post, he did ask for thanks to be passed on once again.

Your post makes you sound a bit needy.

Snowman41 · 18/12/2017 23:31

Omg what!!

I'm sure the adult nephew will be able to thank you Hmm

Original poster
Cakeisbest · 29/12/2017 15:49

To update, the young adult nephew came to us Xmas Day and stayed for three days and nights. He was pleased with his gifts from us, and thanked us, and gave us both a gift, which was lovely. He said thank you again when he left - all good. But this is my sticking point - still no thank you from his parents, despite skyping with us and DN on Xmas Day. We made all the arrangements direct with DN so didn't speak with his parents about this in advance, but they clearly knew where he was xmas day. Should I just take their thanks as obvious because we are related and therefore IABU to expect them to say the actual words? Wouldn't kill them to just say thanks for having him, would it?

OP posts:
Lndnmummy · 29/12/2017 15:53

In the kindest possible way. Ybu. The child has thanked you himself. More than once. How many times do you need to hear it? It seems precious and you sound abit martyrish.

SleepingInYourFlowerbed · 29/12/2017 15:53

He's an adult. My parents don't thank people that have done things for me. I thank them.

KindergartenKop · 29/12/2017 15:56

It sounds like he's 10. Why should the parents thank you, it's not like they've avoided getting a babysitter or anything is it?

Bunchofdaffodils · 29/12/2017 16:02

Clearly the majority view is yabu. However, I have a (just) 21yo ds and feel pretty sure I would say thanks so much for having him over Christmas. But try not to give it another thought will you!

DoculamentDoculament · 29/12/2017 16:04

HE said thank you and is an adult. Why would you expect his parents to say thank you too? He's a guest you had stay with you, you weren't babysitting for them.

gamerchick · 29/12/2017 16:27

Man you do like a thank you OP Grin

gamerchick · 29/12/2017 16:31

When do people become adults in your eyes OP? If you have a guest come to stay who was an older adult but lived with parents. Would you expect a thank you from their parents as well. When does it stop?

He’s an adult. he’s thanked you in a variety of different ways. Let it go man Grin

PoffertjePlease · 29/12/2017 16:34

I like a thank you too. I think I’d grumble a bit as well.

SilverySurfer · 29/12/2017 16:36

YABVU, you got a thank you. The adult DN thanked you, on more than one occasion. I don't understand what more you expect, should he be grovelling at your feet in gratitude?

So if someone buys you a gift, do you assume that apart from you thanking the giver that your parents should also thank them for giving you a gift? If so - that's utterly bonkers,. If not what's the difference?

steff13 · 29/12/2017 16:37

He's an adult and he thanked you multiple times. That's sufficient.

NerrSnerr · 29/12/2017 16:38

Why would a grown man’s parents thank you? If you go to a friend’s house for dinner do you thank them or get your parents to give them a call? It sounds like you think your nephew is still a child!!

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