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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect a thank you?

50 replies

Cakeisbest · 18/12/2017 22:39

DH's young-adult nephew is coming to us for xmas as he can't get back to his family home which is abroad due to work commitments. DN's dad (BIL) rang our house yesterday to speak to MIL (his DM) and they were discussing xmas gifts being sent over for DN, so the subject of xmas was obviously discussed. Seems off to me that BIL didn't ask to speak to me or DH to say thanks for having DN over xmas, or asking MIL to say thanks on his behalf. Rude.

OP posts:
GeorgeTheHamster · 29/12/2017 16:39

I think your mistake is seeing him as a child. He isn't one any more, so his own thanks are sufficient.

It would have been nice if his parents had said thank you. But it's not exactly rude that they didn't.

Hisnamesblaine · 29/12/2017 16:41

I think its rude. How hard is to say thanks for having DN. We really appreciate it. 8 words! It's just the done thing

NerrSnerr · 29/12/2017 16:44

His but The nephew has already thanked them. At what age should your parents stop thanking people on your behalf? Im going to a friend’s house on Sunday, I better let my mum know so she can thank them for me.

DoculamentDoculament · 29/12/2017 17:04

I'd be really annoyed if my parents thanked someone for me. I'm not a child and can thank people appropriately.

Nikephorus · 29/12/2017 17:09

I'd be really annoyed if my parents thanked someone for me. I'm not a child and can thank people appropriately.
This ^^. Be grateful that he has parents who treat him as an adult.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 29/12/2017 17:11

My DS has done a variety of overnight trips with his girlfriends family it wouldn’t cross my mind to ring and thank them for taking him Confused he’s an adult ffs
Ditto when I have taken his girlfriend or friends places or had them stay I wouldn’t expect their parents to ring and thank me
Why would I ConfusedHmm

KindergartenKop · 29/12/2017 17:19

My mum does still say 'I hope you said thank you' when I go to someone's house. I'm 32 ffs!

MiddleClassProblem · 29/12/2017 17:28

KindergartenKop your Mum is so rude not to call them herself and say thank you.

HE arranged it with you, HE thanked you!

Idontevencareanymore · 29/12/2017 17:35

You're making it sound like dn is a possession that you've minded over the holidays.
The person who needed to thank you did.
I always tell my young child to thank the person themselves......

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 29/12/2017 17:38

I dunno...it's sort of like you want to be offended

maras2 · 29/12/2017 17:56

I think that OP has a point.
If I'd asked any of my family to be host to my adult son (age irrelevant)especially at Christmas, I'd definitely be thanking them personally.
Why wouldn't you? It's common courtesy.

Psychobabble123 · 29/12/2017 18:24

Bloody hell OP,give it a rest! You've had several thank you's! what more do you want, blood?!!

Smitff · 29/12/2017 18:38

A thank you from your guest is enough. It’s not like you hosted Jesus Christ himself. You don’t need thanking from the entire flock.

MiddleClassProblem · 29/12/2017 18:47

maras2 he asked, not his parents. If anything, they may say “isn’t it nice you’re spending Christmas with Cakeisbest” but thank you?

PinkHeart5914 · 29/12/2017 18:53

Blimey how many thank yous do you want?

The lad bought your gifts, and said thank you. Yet you still want a thank you written in blood from his parents

You say his a young adult so why does he need mummy and daddy to thank you? His not a fucking child

SilverySurfer · 30/12/2017 17:50

maras2
I think that OP has a point.
If I'd asked any of my family to be host to my adult son (age irrelevant)especially at Christmas, I'd definitely be thanking them personally. Why wouldn't you? It's common courtesy.

Because it's completely unnecessary, as confirmed by 99.9% of the sensible posters on here.

Original poster
Cakeisbest · 31/12/2017 11:57

I appreciate all the input, thanks. But... this just isn't the same as someone staying over at someones house and expecting their parent saying thank you. This early-20's adult normally lives with parents and has only been in this country temporarily while working since the summer, with the expectation from everyone that he would return home for xmas. Those plans fell through due to work commitments within two weeks of xmas, so of course we said to him "don't worry, come to us for xmas", and he stayed 3 days and nights, which was no trouble at all. His parents are my DBIL and DSIL, so close family members, who have spoken to us briefly twice since the plans were made. No mention from them of thanks for having DN, either just as a passing comment or in acknowledgement of what was happening. If that makes me desperate for thanks, having asked for input on here I must take on board what the majority have said and work on that - there's my first New Year resolution!

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 31/12/2017 13:02

OP, at what age will he be adult enough for his own thanks to be enough?

MiddleClassProblem · 31/12/2017 13:05

Just because he lives with them doesn’t mean they pee you a thank you! Plenty of adults live with their parents into their 30s or older in this day and age ffs.

HE ARRANGED WITH YOU, HE SAID THANK YOU!

MiddleClassProblem · 31/12/2017 13:06

Did you thank his parents for the gifts he gave you?

AppleKatie · 31/12/2017 13:54

OP you’d have a point if we were talking about a 16yo over here doing some sort of exchange or work placement.

But this is an adult in his 20s. A thank you from his parents suggests that they have responsibility for his wellbeing which they absolutely don’t anymore

yikesanotherbooboo · 31/12/2017 15:06

I agree with those that say it is up to the young man to thank you , which he has done.
If his parents did the thanking it would be disrespectful to him.
They have brought him up to be mindful and are confident enough in his upbringing not to presume that he wouldn't do the right thing.
Years ago a friend of my mil put my husband and me up at their holiday home. We thanked her in writing and with a gift. Later on I discovered that mil had also sent a thank you gift. I felt as if we were being treated like children and saw it as a lack of respect.

SilverySurfer · 31/12/2017 17:01

Your subsequent posts make not a jot of difference. He is an adult, about time you treated him like one.

MyKingdomForBrie · 31/12/2017 17:05

He is clearly a lovely and well mannered person, I would assume he has been brought up as such and therefore they know he will say thank you very sufficiently, as he has. My mum hosts 20 of our family over Christmas and there are never really any formal ‘thank yous’ handed out, it just doesn’t need to be said as it’s a given in the demeanours of all.

You had your nephew over for a few days, it’s Christmas. You really haven’t done anything that spectacular.

DoubleAces · 31/12/2017 17:53

He's family. Why are you being precious? FFS.

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