Mental load and being 'blamed' for stuff

[MrsDeaconClaybourne]

Not sure if this is an AIBU or not - more something I've been thinking about after a hectic weekend.

In terms of actually doing stuff I think DH and I have a pretty equal share. In fact, when he's at home (sometimes he works away) he'll often do more than me. He'll get up early and walk the dog, stay up to unload the dishwasher etc. However I definitely do more of the mental stuff - planning, remembering, organising. Most of the time even that's ok - I generally work a lot less than DH and I like being on top of what's going on.

When there's extra stuff going on though, like Christmas at the moment I start to feel a bit overwhelmed at times.

Anyway, I ended up getting really cross this weekend as I realised that when things go wrong I get the blame for them rather that anyone noticing the majority of times when things go smoothly cos of my planning. So this weekend, for example, I forgot something one of the DC needed for an activity so they were upset with me - DH had no idea that they needed it and only had to turn up to watch said activity not blamed at all.

Sounds really petty now written down so fully prepared to be told I'm BU but it was a bit of a revelation in realising why I feel a bit resentful sometimes even though DH does loads and wondered if anyone else had noticed the same.

(DH doesn't blame me btw - he's lovely and far more laid back than me - it's more me feeling like I've messed up I think)

Placemarking for phrases I can use in my working life..

I get annoyed by always having to be the one who works out timings. So, for example, we need to go to a couple of places during the day, it's me that works out when we need to get ready, be out, what time we need to get back so that we can have lunch and be at the next place. It's exhausting.

It's not just men though, my MiL and SiL are the same. A couple of years ago they stayed with us for one of the DCs birthdays. We were having a party and i had said we needed to leave at X time to get to the venue. So I was getting the children ready, loading food and party bags into the car etc and then realised that we needed to leave in five minutes and MiL and SiL were still sitting on the sofa drinking tea. I went in to say we needed to go and they said 'Oh right, is it time we got changed then?' I nearly screamed.

Similar theme... Just chuckling to myself remembering when I was in hospital immediately after having our twins dp had to ring me to ask how to use the washing machine

I have dyscalculia so have attempted to teach three kids to organise themselves. If for example they forget a PE kit I am happy to back up their excuse but am very clear that it's their responsibility. It's only done them good.

But dumping the feckless exh helped too

I sympathise OP. I am always the one who gets everything ready when we go out, all the various paraphernalia that comes with a baby/toddler and stuff that DP and I will need too. I'm the one who knows where things are, DP doesn't even try to look for things before asking me where something is, and I often end up fetching whatever it is for him as my brain is too frazzled to describe the exact location. It's always 'we' when things go right and always me at fault when something is forgotten. I'm so chronically sleep deprived it's a marvel I manage even half of what I do, but of course DP is also tired from 15 months of multiple breastfeeds a night... oh wait

He is good most of the time at doing his share if I tell him what needs doing but I am very grouchy this morning as I have not slept a single wink and have been up with the baby since 5 while he sleeps because he is tired from going to the pub. The resentment is very strong today! I will have to think of a particularly odious chore for him to do once he graces us with his presence.