CF SIL

[gingertom11]

Long time lurker - first thread of my own so be nice!

Ok so I don't know if IABU here as SIL has form for CF-ery and I might have become hypersensitive to it - could list loads of examples but that would make this post v v long. She basically seems to think the world revolves around her and everybody else is there as and when required.

She's just sent a text - 'can you or DH take me in town on Friday around 4pm if I leave my car at yours? Got my works night out'.

'Town' would be a 14-16 mile round trip for us depending on where she wanted dropping. It's around leaving work time on the Friday before Xmas when roads are bound to be horrendous - roads pretty bad anyway in and out of our town. We also live on a direct bus route that would take her into the centre of town quicker than I or DH could take her as there are a lot of bus lanes. She could also drive herself into town and leave her car in one of the many 24 hour car parks. It was my works night last night and that's what I did. WIBU to obviously say no but to also add a sarky reply along the lines of 'are you taking the fucking piss?' Or maybe 'my pick up fee is £4 and it's £3 per mile thereafter'.

We have the first lot of a constant stream of visitors arriving Saturday morning for the Christmas period so we'll probably be rushing around getting the house ready etc, which she knows full well.

So generally about ready to lose my shit with her but don't want to go gung ho into it if I'm just overreacting due to her previous form...

I’d be tempted to just send something like ‘ha ha...er....no chance’.
Not your circus, not your monkeys. She’s an adult, she can figure her own route out.

She sounds just as CF as my SIL.

What would she do about coming home, if she left the car at your house?

Tell her OK then before she gets there open some wine. When she arrives go 'Oh dear, I forgot, just had wine and can't drive. You'll need to get the bus'

"sorry no. Have fun." you really need to ask if yabu?

Why the drama. I’d text and say “no, afraid we’re both busy” and leave it at that.

Could you not respond from a different angle and say “sorry, we won’t be able to take you in but you’re welcome to leave the car at ours and get the bus”

*this will only work if your house is more advantageous in terms of getting a bus

Is she DH sister or your brothers wife?

I think it's fine to answer for yourself and DH if she is the latter, but if she is the former, why is she texting just you and not her DB? Are you seen as more of a soft touch?

Are you going to be the worm that turned OP?

She does sound CF. I would just respond saying, No can do - have a good night.

She's not cheeky to ask. She'd be cheeky if she told you that's what was happening.

Just say she's welcome to leave the car at yours but you can't help with lifts.

It would now appear that CF is applied to anyone asking family for a favour. My siblings have asked me for lifts and I've either said yes or no but it's never enraged me.

On the other hand, pass it to your DH to deal with and see if he can take his sister?

I love how some people assume everyone else is just there to do stuff for them. Unless she does you a lot of favours, then she is being cheeky.

Be prepared for her to not take your 'no' well though.

Ha ha ha! “No, we’re busy”.

FGS don’t apologise.

I was going to say Could you not respond from a different angle and say “sorry, we won’t be able to take you in but you’re welcome to leave the car at ours and get the bus” but Asiaticlily said it first

Asiatic's reply is good. Just say no. Don't bother adding a sarky tone. You don'#t need to fight fire with fire here...just put it out with cool water.

I don't understand why you feel this is CF-ery. She's only asked you to take her into town 14-16 miles isn't all that far.

No you don't need to be sarcastic about it. If you don't want to take her just say no sorry we have plans.

Yes EmilyChambers79!

Sorry OP, I suspect the untold backstory here might change things. But just from the example you gave I don't think asking for a favour is that cheeky - I would ask members of my family (including in-laws) to do similar for me, and they have asked similar of me in the past. I think doing favours for each other is part of being a family. I don't think it's that far, and yes it's busy - but that's Christmas, and it's only once a year. I'd probably pick her up and give her a lift home too!!

If it's not convenient just tell her you can't.

Thanks for the replies thus far.

Presume she would get a taxi home if she leaves car at ours but not sure.

She is my husbands brothers wife and does tend to text me to ask 'favours' rather than my DH.

I've got absolutely no problem just saying no to her and there is no drama really but honestly she's constantly asking for favours and expects everyone to do shit for her. She's got PIL wrapped around her little finger because they're scared that if they say anything to her she'll stop them seeing the GC which is ridiculous but that's their justification so I think because they let her get away with it she thinks she can try it on with everyone. I've said no to her so many times (amongst plenty of other times when we have done favours for her)but she doesn't get the hint. I don't think I've asked her for a favour once, and she's never offered one either.

Just felt like I needed a bit of a sounding board here before I reply to her to avoid overreacting. Christmas stress levels are rising i think! Think I'll suggest the bus option, thanks all.

A gentle no to a lift (no apology!) and an ok for her to leave her car at yours, so long as that doesn't cause you any hassle

What's CF ?

Tell her you’re far too busy and you plan to have a drink early that day too. You don’t need to explain further. Best of luck, she is a CF. Have a great Christmas.

It's shit isn't it? I get an absolute shitstorm rained upon me if I say no to my CF and every second of my time scrutinised as to why I've had the audacity to say no. It makes you think they dont want to spend time with you as a person, that you are only worth what you can do for them.

@thequeen. It’s the acronym for Cheeky Fucker.

Thequeenisdeadboys

Apparently "CF" mean "Cheeky Fucker"

For the longest time I thought it meant "Cunt Faced". My internal voice is a lot ruder that I though !

We're not available sorry but the bus is quicker and easier anyway so that's your best option'

cf cheeky f**k

@KNain Yeah I agree without a back story it doesn't seem cheeky and honestly I would probably do it if there wasn't a back story and am the first there to help family out - the season of good will and all! Keeping it as brief as possible previous examples include;

• bringing kids to us for overnight stay having told us what to make them for tea because she's told us they'll be having a 'pizza and movie night' at ours - news to me. Then going out on the piss and turning up the next afternoon because she didn't wake up and her DC missed her weekly club. No apology or explanation when she turned up - just thinks it's funny.

• I used to work from home part of the week and she would pop round on the off chance that I could watch her youngest while she went shopping as it's too stressful to take her with her and would say things like 'what do you actually do all day?

• consistently 30 mins - 1 hr late to any plans we have be it going out for a meal or coming to ours for meal etc.

• criticises any DIY/home improvements - painted our kitchen cabinets and she screwed up her face and said 'yeah it's alright but there wasn't anything wrong with them before' - a few months later they did the same in their kitchen

• DH got a new car and she asked how much it was and then said 'that's a bit much to pay for a car isn't it?'

I could go on..