CF SIL

[gingertom11]

Long time lurker - first thread of my own so be nice!

Ok so I don't know if IABU here as SIL has form for CF-ery and I might have become hypersensitive to it - could list loads of examples but that would make this post v v long. She basically seems to think the world revolves around her and everybody else is there as and when required.

She's just sent a text - 'can you or DH take me in town on Friday around 4pm if I leave my car at yours? Got my works night out'.

'Town' would be a 14-16 mile round trip for us depending on where she wanted dropping. It's around leaving work time on the Friday before Xmas when roads are bound to be horrendous - roads pretty bad anyway in and out of our town. We also live on a direct bus route that would take her into the centre of town quicker than I or DH could take her as there are a lot of bus lanes. She could also drive herself into town and leave her car in one of the many 24 hour car parks. It was my works night last night and that's what I did. WIBU to obviously say no but to also add a sarky reply along the lines of 'are you taking the fucking piss?' Or maybe 'my pick up fee is £4 and it's £3 per mile thereafter'.

We have the first lot of a constant stream of visitors arriving Saturday morning for the Christmas period so we'll probably be rushing around getting the house ready etc, which she knows full well.

So generally about ready to lose my shit with her but don't want to go gung ho into it if I'm just overreacting due to her previous form...

A simple "sorry but absolutely not, we have far too much to do before our visitors arrive the next morning. try the bus or a taxi, but we really can't help". And refuse to engage in any further discussion on it.

sen your entire Original Post to her.... she'll get the message

I'd just say "sorry no have too much to do Friday night. I just left my car in the 24 hour car park and that was fine, or you could get the bus?"

@SABeeTiger Thanks, yeah I feel like that sometimes.

PILs have basically forbidden us from ever saying anything because their scared that a family row would affect their access to GCs so if we did ever say anything we would be in the wrong because that's 'just what she's like' and we basically have to get used to it.

They would never stop ILs seeing GCs as they are the reason their childcare bill is £0.

It depends on the relationship really. I would absolutely do this for my sister BUT we do each other favours all the time and she would do it for me. If it is all very one sided and she doesn't ever offer you help then I would just text and say no, we have plans, have a great time!

A quick “we can’t we are busy” is all that’s needed. No point sayIng more unless she makes a fuss about you saying no.

Not the cheekiest of requests as a stand alone thing (although if I ask for a lift I give petrol money), so possibly her previousl form has caused thisto rile you more than it would have done otherwise.

The fact that you/DH seem to always be doing the favours with seemingly nothing in return is very unreasonable. It's a busy time of year anyway for a lot of people; that and the traffic issues alone are enough reason to say a polite but firm 'no' to her in my opinion.

I only realised the other day what this cf meant. I don't think it's that outrageously cheeky but if it's not convenient just say no you can't do it. No need for a sarky reply. Why can't her DH take her into town.

She sounds a bit of a piss-taker! I would say sorry, no-we have plans.

How does she normally get to her Xmas work night out? Has she asked for this to happen before? You don’t want it to become a ‘well, you did it last year’ situation!

Gets more, wants more, she is a CF.
I would have said no, by now.
Cut yourself some slack OP.

I’d keep it short. Say - sorry, we,re busy then. Hope you have a great time! And leave it at that.

I replied;

Hi, we'll be busy Friday night getting ready for everyone coming on Saturday and to be honest I don't fancy trying to get out of town and home after I've dropped you off at that time of day on the Friday before Christmas! Bus would probably be quicker anyway - you can leave the car here if you need? Have a great night! Xx

She probably won't reply.

Thanks for all your replies, you've all calmed me down! Merry Christmas

Good for you! Did she really not even say please 😡

My SIL has form for this too. When our first DC was born she wanted to come and see the baby. She and her husband live about an hour away. We made plans for them to come at noon. I'd make lunch, they could visit for a couple of hours, then head home. We had plans for the evening.

She and her husband show up at 4:30, no explanation for lateness. She knew we had plans. DH asked why she was so late. No answer. DH told her she could visit for a bit and then we were going out. She was apoplectic. She just assumed that our plans would naturally adjust to hers. I think it was also an "I'm in charge here, not you" kind of thing.

It caused a big ruckus with my MIL, but she never did it again. CF.